House trashed whilst I was at work

To make a claim you’ll need a crime number and to get that you need to report this to the police. In addition, this person really does need to learn that destroying someone else’s property is not acceptable, hopefully he’ll get community service and have to help fix the mess he made

Quite apart from your personal safety which is paramount, I would be concerned if the relative’s mental health deteriorates and he did something more serious such as arson that your insurance company would state you had withheld relevant information and so refuse to pay out.

It's not though is it. It going to happen again isn't it?

Realistically you need to think about not just the criminal damage element of this but also the harassment element.

It needs to not happen again, or if it does happen again you already have it on record that it's happened before so the police will take stronger action.

He was in complete control when he chose to do this. He needs holding to account.

Leaving you out of it, for a second.

why did the neighbours not report it?

then, think calmly.

if you did NOT know who had done it what would you have done?

if events and behaviour escalates and another person is hurt, or another’s home damaged. Or indeed the relative is injured or killed?

are you going to be THAT person on the news who says well yes, last week they destroyed my property and I just did nothing.

or, you call the police, who will have a joined up approach if history of mental health and you go from there.

I can’t add anything to help you with your dilemma. I doubt you will get much help from the police or mental health services. Although you might be lucky.

What I can say is, please think carefully before you claim on your insurance. You will probably have an excess on your policy so wouldn’t receive the whole £1000. Then, in coming years, your premiums will increase by more than the market rate. IME those increases work out more than the claim. There’s an industry wide claims database, so all companies are aware of claims history.

You need to report the facts of the matter to the police. You were out of your home. You returned and saw extensive damage (which you’ve photographed (you need to do this!)). You asked neighbours what had happened and they said relative x did it. You are concerned for this relatives wellbeing. They may cause harm to themselves and to others and their property. You’d like a crime reference number and some information on services in case the relative returns or further damage or incident occurs.

id say it’s your partners job to step up and be clear to his relatives that Monkey has had to do a police report after relative x damaged her property and we both hope relative x gets care and support as he evidently needs it.

What happens next time if you are in?

This is about your personal safety as much as the damage to the property.

You need to start thinking about this.

You've already said that you no longer want contact.

If they think its for him to break into your home and cause damage and he shouldn't have repercussions, then I wouldn't really want to deal with them in future. Why is it OK for you to be upset?
Does your DP live with you?

This. Report it.

What do you want to happen?

You say its a family member so I can understand the reluctance to report to police, however what if this person continues to damage your property. You need to protect yourself and set a boundary.

Its a difficult situation for you.

Agree with PP that if they are angry enough and out of control to do this, then roaming the streets, then they are a danger to others and I would report them purely to protect others

Sounds like he needs a mental health assessment under section

I reported a relative to the police.

was fucking terrifying. I don’t know why either. I kept doubting myself, trying to justify why they did it, thinking would I would be ruining their lives. I’d also blocked them so there wasn’t much chance of them doing it again. A big part of me wanted to move on.

and also what if I report it and the police do nothing. Will that make them think they are in the right and I’m just a vindictive cow trying to ruin their lives.

i did report it. I am glad I did. The police do seem to be investigating, although they have told me as I’ve cut them off it’s not an “active” crime so it may take years to conclude as it’s now gathering the paperwork and evidence, which will always be low priority.

i think it’s worse when you know the suspect. You know how it’ll affect them and you know what they have going on in their lives that led to their actions.

Report it and name the relative, so that you habe the start of a paper trail if you need to get a restraining order or arguevfor sectioning at a later point.

Was that your relative too?
Not expecting an answer of course, but is this a sibling who you've been indoctrinated by your parents to accept the behaviour of, and they've never had to face consequences?

But what's to stop him doing it again - or worse?

He knows where you live and he's at large. I would have thought blocking him might make him enraged and MORE likely to do more to you!

Seriously for your safety you should involve the Police and get some professional advice re your, and your homes, safety.

He is a danger to your self, let alone your property.