Page 2 | House trashed whilst I was at work

Monkey987 · 2025-06-28T19:37:39+00:00

Just want to know what you would do in my situation. A relative of mine (with mental health concerns) came to my house uninvited and smashed my window in an attempt to get in. He also destroyed lots of other items in my garden and house. He's done at least £1000 worth of damage. I'm torn. Am I being unreasonable to report them to the police for criminal damage so I can go through my insurance and claim? Or do I pretend I have no idea how the damage happened. The relative doesn't have a pot to p**s in. So no point asking them to fix it.

AnnoyedAsAllHeck · 28/06/2025 23:53

Monkey987 · 28/06/2025 21:44

It's frustrating that we havnt even got some of my partners family members on side.

I can't understand how they still think he's innocent and we should be all forgiving and understanding. 🙄

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Maybe because he hasn't broken in and destroyed their property?

The way this is going, sooner or later it will be a stranger's house and someone could end up hurt, or worse.

They were caught in the act, so your DP's parents/family need to face the facts.

saraclara · 28/06/2025 23:49

Did you take photos before you started clearing up?

NameChange4ObviousReasons · 28/06/2025 23:43

One of my sister's kids has some fairly serious mental health issues, and has done the smashing shit up thing when they've been having a meltdown. Their support worker has advised her that if it happens again that she needs to call the police on them, as they're a danger to themself and others when they're in that state. You need to report it to the police, so you can get the crime number and do the insurance claim.

TheCurious0range · 28/06/2025 23:38

If he does get charged and go to court he could be given a mental health treatment requirement. He's very unlikely to go to prison at the moment unless he's already heavily convicted.
Police will door knock and your neighbour will tell them, you need the reference number to claim on your insurance. You've really got no option but to report and tell the truth.

Beesandhoney123 · 28/06/2025 23:34

What if you had been home alone? Your dp must be worried about your safety.
Blocking someone won't stop them.

Your neighbour is very brave. I am not sure I would confront someone smashing a house up. I would have just called the police.

I don't really understand why you or your dp haven't. This person has been sofa surfing with you, used your hospitality and then breaks into your home and destroys your things. They will do it again? Then what? You already know they have serious issues. It could have been much much worse.

ClairDeLaLune · 28/06/2025 23:29

RosesAndHellebores · 28/06/2025 20:42

Can you report the damage to the police and leave it at that without disclosing who did it?

Great idea if you want to be done for wasting police time.

Nicaveron · 28/06/2025 23:18

Monkey987 · 28/06/2025 20:56

I was thinking of just telling the police that I was out (which I was) and don't know who it was.
The only reason I know is because my neighbour confronted him.

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If your neighbour confronted him then you do not have to report him. You must report to the Police asap. The Police will most likely ask your immediate neighbours if they saw/heard anything. Job done. Don’t delay phoning Police because you will be asked when you found it like this and why didn’t you phone Police immediately. I would also contact your Insurance with Crime Reference Number and get the damage fixed.
Hope things work out ok.

LIZS · 28/06/2025 23:13

If you genuinely believe you are in danger then you should report it. Have you received threats? Is the perpetrator likely to respond to police? You cannot expect your neighbour to lie about their identity or what they saw if asked.

LurkyMcLurkinson · 28/06/2025 23:02

Report it to the police and ask they seek a statement of your neighbour. If the behaviour persists you then have a record that might help you seek an order to keep you safe (like a non molestation order). You can also ask the police to arrange for the Bobby van trust to come and check the security at your home.

Original poster

Monkey987 · 28/06/2025 22:57

In my experience the police don't even prosecute sexual assault cases anymore.
I doubt they are interested in a smashed window etc

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Elsvieta · 28/06/2025 22:55

Monkey987 · 28/06/2025 22:32

Agreed. The police don't give a crap how much you 'persist'.

I've had previous experience with the police as a child. It was awful and I'm reluctant to go back there.

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I know it's hard, but try not to let that stop you reporting. Even if all the police do is ask him a few questions, it'll probably be enough to make him see that you aren't going to tolerate this and he needs to leave you and your property alone from now on.

Original poster

Monkey987 · 28/06/2025 22:55

Elsvieta · 28/06/2025 22:52

But you and your DP are witnesses and so is the neighbour, right? Will they talk to the police?

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My neighbour will talk to the police.
I doubt that will be enough though.

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Elsvieta · 28/06/2025 22:52

Monkey987 · 28/06/2025 22:50

My partner cleaned the house up except from the smashed window so no evidence unfortunately.

I think you are right about reporting it anyway for the paper trail

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But you and your DP are witnesses and so is the neighbour, right? Will they talk to the police?

Original poster

Monkey987 · 28/06/2025 22:50

friskybivalves · 28/06/2025 22:44

Apologies - I haven’t read the full thread. It wouldn’t be the police who decide whether to press charges but the CPS. The police are more likely to come round if someone has entered your house and caused damage than if they have done the same to your your car. A car is a possession; a house is a home - security; sanctuary etc.

I realise this doesn’t help with the main dilemma as to whether involve the police at all. Do you have photographs of the damage or is the house still in the terrible state he left it in? As in - is there still evidence even to show the police?

My instinct would be to report it for all the reasons others have already suggested - danger of escalation, need to have it registered, etc.

best of luck.

My partner cleaned the house up except from the smashed window so no evidence unfortunately.

I think you are right about reporting it anyway for the paper trail

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friskybivalves · 28/06/2025 22:44

Apologies - I haven’t read the full thread. It wouldn’t be the police who decide whether to press charges but the CPS. The police are more likely to come round if someone has entered your house and caused damage than if they have done the same to your your car. A car is a possession; a house is a home - security; sanctuary etc.

I realise this doesn’t help with the main dilemma as to whether involve the police at all. Do you have photographs of the damage or is the house still in the terrible state he left it in? As in - is there still evidence even to show the police?

My instinct would be to report it for all the reasons others have already suggested - danger of escalation, need to have it registered, etc.

best of luck.

Original poster

Monkey987 · 28/06/2025 22:41

BMW6 · 28/06/2025 22:38

There are products (anti arson) that can be installed where the letterbox is - you don't need huge gates!

A security company can assess your home, identify weak points and help you make it secure.

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Thanks, I had no idea this was even a thing. I'll have a look.
My front garden is pretty open with a fully accessible side gate into the back garden.
Is there anything else I can do?

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Original poster

Monkey987 · 28/06/2025 22:39

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I'm assuming you work for the police?

I think I would rather go down the mental health route. What will the police do about it if I say I'm worried for his wellbeing whilst reporting what has happened?

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BMW6 · 28/06/2025 22:38

Monkey987 · 28/06/2025 22:22

What security will stop him pouring petrol in my letter box?
Apart from massive metal gates that will cost a fortune and be ugly?

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There are products (anti arson) that can be installed where the letterbox is - you don't need huge gates!

A security company can assess your home, identify weak points and help you make it secure.

Original poster

Monkey987 · 28/06/2025 22:35

kiwiane · 28/06/2025 22:27

I think I’d seriously consider moving if you feel he’s such a danger to you.

We've only just bought our house. We can't move unfortunately for another 5 years at least because of our mortgage.

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VehicleTracker77 · 28/06/2025 22:34

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Original poster

Monkey987 · 28/06/2025 22:32

Elsvieta · 28/06/2025 22:28

The police don't take any notice of "pressure" - they press charges if they think they have enough evidence to have a decent chance of getting a conviction, and they don't if not. They spend a lot of time listening to people trying to "insist" on stuff that isn't legal, possible or the insistent person's decision to make - water off a duck's back. OP can make it clear she hopes charges can be brought and she's ready to give evidence etc, but that's all.

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Agreed. The police don't give a crap how much you 'persist'.

I've had previous experience with the police as a child. It was awful and I'm reluctant to go back there.

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Original poster

Monkey987 · 28/06/2025 22:29

Leeds2 · 28/06/2025 22:21

In which case, you can’t say to the police that you don’t know who did it. As they would most probably ask the neighbour. Unless you are absolutely certain that the police won’t come out, and just give you a crime number. In which case, you will take the cost hit, or your insurance premiums will go up.

Assuming it is DP’s brother, would the in laws pay for the damage if you overlooked it?
i actually think the best thing for everyone would be for BIL to get some help.

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Their parents died years ago so no chance of in laws paying. Not that I'd expect them to.
The judgemental relatives are all siblings with their own families so no spare cash.

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Elsvieta · 28/06/2025 22:28

Mumtobabyhavoc · 28/06/2025 22:21

You can absolutely insist and pressure the police.

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The police don't take any notice of "pressure" - they press charges if they think they have enough evidence to have a decent chance of getting a conviction, and they don't if not. They spend a lot of time listening to people trying to "insist" on stuff that isn't legal, possible or the insistent person's decision to make - water off a duck's back. OP can make it clear she hopes charges can be brought and she's ready to give evidence etc, but that's all.

kiwiane · 28/06/2025 22:27

I think I’d seriously consider moving if you feel he’s such a danger to you.

Original poster

Monkey987 · 28/06/2025 22:22

BMW6 · 28/06/2025 22:18

A ring doorbell won't save your life if he pours petrol through your letter box and throws a match in, for example.

Sorry to be so dramatic but that's why you would be wise to get professional advice on home security. You ought to be taking steps to prevent him gaining any access, not just filming him.

I'd take this very seriously indeed - he isn't sane and your home - or you - are his target.

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What security will stop him pouring petrol in my letter box?
Apart from massive metal gates that will cost a fortune and be ugly?

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