Why are toxic men great in bed?

57 replies

Sexlessandconfused · 28/06/2025 18:57

Slightly tongue in cheek (I think?). As you can see from my last thread about my sexless relationship, me and my friends were discussing this which led to a general chat about sex drives/boyfriends.

We were talking about past boyfriends/sex etc, and we all realised that the more a toxic/avoidant man the better the sex.

All of our best ever lovers were the worst actual people. The men that really knew a woman's body and have passionate pleasurable sex were the worst type of long term boyfriends.

Also the nicest/sweetest of men were the worst in bed. Not in a selfish kind of way but in a can't last longer than 2 minutes, not great at foreplay and submissive rather than ever take the lead etc.

Has anyone else noticed this? Also there were 7 of us discussing this last night so not a tiny sample of 2/3 people. Could just be a coincidence all 7 of us have experienced the same but I think there could be something in this?

I really wonder why as you think it'd be the other way around 🤔

OP posts:

Original poster

Sexlessandconfused · 28/06/2025 19:12

ChandrilanDiscoDroid · 28/06/2025 19:06

Bullshit.

DH is an awesome husband and also the only man to have ever made me see God. Because he's actually interested in my pleasure, loves it even, and not just in getting his end away.

I think the thrill of a deep-dicking from a misogynist with no real interest in whether you get off would have worn off rapidly over the years.

Then you really have struck gold! Getting the best of both worlds.

This is the thing, these avoidant/toxic men seem to be bad as partners in every way other than the bedroom where they are selfless/passionate and know what they're doing.

Unfortunately this doesn't seem to translate to outside of the bedroom.

OP posts:

MascaraGirl · 28/06/2025 19:06

Also the nicest/sweetest of men were the worst in bed. Not in a selfish kind of way but in a can't last longer than 2 minutes, not great at foreplay and submissive rather than ever take the lead etc.

I really could not put up with this, no matter how nice the man!

ChandrilanDiscoDroid · 28/06/2025 19:06

Bullshit.

DH is an awesome husband and also the only man to have ever made me see God. Because he's actually interested in my pleasure, loves it even, and not just in getting his end away.

I think the thrill of a deep-dicking from a misogynist with no real interest in whether you get off would have worn off rapidly over the years.

DiscoPig · 28/06/2025 19:02

Well, I'd be looking at what your assumptions about 'toxic' men are -- I mean, I'd assume the answer lay in you collectively and your psychology around this ('Bad boys are hot?' etc etc) rather than anything inherent in unpleasant men being excellent lovers.

HRTQueen · 28/06/2025 19:01

Confidence

Moneypennywise · 28/06/2025 19:01

Probably related to their testosterone levels. And the bad boys have no shortage of women willing to have sex with them and put up with their BS so they have no incentive to be better people.

MascaraGirl · 28/06/2025 19:00

Is it because unavailable men seem more attractive (for some insane reason) and therefore seem better in bed?

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