Why are toxic men great in bed?

They generally aren’t. It just feels that way because it’s the only time they’re remotely affectionate, and you get a validation hit.

Surely it's just a selection bias in the sample? If they were toxic and also a crap shag, you wouldn't bother with them at all. So the only toxic men left in the pool of Men You Consider are the ones that are good at just this one thing. Nothing to do with toxicity automatically = good shag.

They're like toddlers; they can only acquire one skill at a time. Unfortunately, they got stuck on the sex skill and didn't move on the developing a good personality.

Not true here, my husband is an angel on the streets, a demon in the sheets 😂

Lovely, kind, morally and ethically thoughtful man who can make me cum for hours.

Nah not in my experience. The two really toxic men I had sex with were horrible in bed, one of them being my recent ex. He’s obsessed with sex but is shit at it.

It can be a big ego boost to get an elusive, unavailable man to pay attention to you. That, plus the trill of the chase, is why they might seem more attractive.

In my experience it is the other way around. Others have said the same.

I do think some women associate sexiness with being a "bad boy" or an elusive type and this feeling can make sex more exciting even if he actually isn't that good in bed. In essence you've psyched yourself into thinking he's better than he is.
Lots of women don't mind a submissive partner either.

Completely the opposite in my experience. I was trapped in an abusive relationship and he was awful in bed. Low sex drive, no imagination and really prudish.

By contrast, my DP is the sweetest, kindest, gentlest, calmest man on the planet but is a proper demon in the sack. Absolutely filthy 😁

Don't underestimate your psychology in this! For some women, they find that excitement is what they like, but not all women do. Such men are a huge turn off to me. Also, we are constantly taught that our pleasure is secondary to a man's, so it's possible that some (not all!) Women are judging the encounter by the man's experience rather than their own...

In my experience the thoughtful lover is most satisfying physically, emotionally, and mentally.

Maybe it’s an extension of the control thing, in that they enjoy knowing they can blow your mind and have you coming back for more. Or just an ego boost to see you thoroughly spent. I agree with the comments about confidence too.

Love this - simply put - says it all!

It’s funny how often this comes up with my friends, and I’ve noticed the same thing myself. There’s something about blokes who are a bit avoidant or even a bit toxic—they’re usually a nightmare for anything serious, but when it comes to sex, especially when it comes to cock and being genuinely good at giving oral, they just seem to know what they’re doing. Maybe it’s confidence, or maybe they’re just more up for trying things, but they’re definitely not shy about getting stuck in. I’ve had exes who were a disaster in every other way but would happily spend ages making sure I was enjoying myself, actually listening to what I liked, and making sure I finished—sometimes more than once. It’s like they know being good with their mouth is just as important as anything else, and they actually seem to take pride in it.

On the other hand, the genuinely nice lads, the ones who are thoughtful and caring, often seem a bit too careful, not really taking the lead, and sometimes just not that great with their cock or with oral. It’s not that they’re selfish, just that they don’t seem as confident, and it can end up feeling a bit underwhelming. I don’t know if it’s just our generation or if it’s always been like this, but it does make you wonder how much confidence and attitude play into sexual chemistry.

Ideally, you want someone who’s got the best of both.... caring, but also knows exactly what they’re doing in bed.

Simple biochemistry. You're desperate for their attention, so when they want a shag, you're already halfway there.

Is it bcos the chemistry is different & just much stronger with the bad boy to start with? So even to be in bed with them for a start (due to all the game playing) is a different kind of thrill - everything is heightened & more charged? But is it chemistry built on toxicity & dopamine & not the sustaining loving kind? Are alphas better in bed though?? What is attractive & sexually attractive is pretty complex tbh. I suppose confidence & experience counts for something but notches on the bedpost don’t equate to quality sex (as we well know!)

Probably experience with many, many women

It is also an observation my group of friends have shared…. One of nature’s mysteries!

Well, the men that can get away with that type of behavior long-term are usually very pretty, so maybe it’s just starting early and getting a lot more practise in?!

I had a couple of men for a brief while who fit your description. It was a power trip for them.

It might be a bit of self-selection.

Toxic blokes who are crap in bed won't get a second chance but toxic blokes who make up for it by being great in the sack will be more likely to be judged as someone maybe worth seeing again.

Similarly nice blokes who are crap in bed might get a second chance by virtue of being non-toxic (and maybe the hope they'll get better with practise).

Not my experience at all.....the toxic ones tend to be self absorbed, selfish in bed and have never stuck with the same woman long enough to actually learn how to properly pleasure a woman.

It's usually all about them and makes for shit sex.

Ive had great sex with toxic and non toxic. Its a myth

I wonder if it's a mix of confidence, high testosterone and the men seeming so unavailable (want more what you can't have etc)