Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Help me feel ok about this will

387 replies

TerryWogansWig · 28/06/2025 18:08

Ok, I know “every will is contentious”, but I’m feeling dejected about this one.

DHs aunt, last remaining relative of that generation. No children of her own, Had over £1m in bank accounts etc. We were expecting a 4 way split between DH, his sister, their late mother ( recently deceased also), and a family friend who’d done a lot for her.

Will opened: £50k to each of the 4 expected beneficiaries, a few other very small specific amounts ( church etc), and the balance ( over 800k) split between 4 named charities .

That’s lovely for those charities, but I feel this is just not right. Why not specify an amount to the charities, with the rest split between family? But hey, that’s what she specified so we have to accept it.

Help me get past this.

OP posts:
Willyoujustbequiet · 28/06/2025 21:14

Mikart · 28/06/2025 18:16

My God. Words fail me

This

Op give your head a wobble. It's a significant some from an aunt through marriage for you. Many people won't get anywhere near that from their parents.

Crass and grabby.

TammyJones · 28/06/2025 21:13

Beachtastic · 28/06/2025 21:09

Years ago I worked at the Charity Commission and a behind-the-scenes examination of UK charities was, let's say, deflating. Either wildly disorganised or run like a slick corporation. Might as well leave your money to Pfizer or the local mad cat lady (which to be fair these days is probably me). Agree with a PP that some people like to virtue signal in this way and earn some last-minute Brownie points in Heaven, perhaps especially if they have some latent guilt about having led a somewhat privileged life.

I'm sorry you've had a hard time on here OP and completely appreciate your disappointment, as well as you being so candid about it. Yes, 50K is a lot, but it's hard not to wish his aunt had made decisions that could have really transformed the lives of future generations of her family.

Show quote history

Agree
people need ti read up on this.
akso , having seen my nieces and nephews grow up and love them very much , then would want to make thier lives better in any way I could …..

Original poster
TerryWogansWig · 28/06/2025 21:11

Not backpedaling. It just feels at first sight unjust to me, so I thought I’d get some views from a forum I respect for honesty and no bullshit!

my own thoughts are the ones I feel need adjusting, so again thanks for reality checking.

OP posts:
itbemay1 · 28/06/2025 21:10

I understand your disappointment. But her money and her choices. Enjoy the 50k it’s more than you had before.

TammyJones · 28/06/2025 21:10

Supersimkin7 · 28/06/2025 21:04

Big, huge waste of money. Peanuts to Big Charity, standard help to a decent family.

With you, OP. How sad and silly
that woman was.

You’ll get flamed here - MNetters in inherited or social housing don’t like other people getting a look in. Ugly.

Totally -

Beachtastic · 28/06/2025 21:09

addyourlight · 28/06/2025 19:34

Who do you think needs the money more - you, or the people who benefit from the charities? Think about that and be happy for the people that the money will help.

Years ago I worked at the Charity Commission and a behind-the-scenes examination of UK charities was, let's say, deflating. Either wildly disorganised or run like a slick corporation. Might as well leave your money to Pfizer or the local mad cat lady (which to be fair these days is probably me). Agree with a PP that some people like to virtue signal in this way and earn some last-minute Brownie points in Heaven, perhaps especially if they have some latent guilt about having led a somewhat privileged life.

I'm sorry you've had a hard time on here OP and completely appreciate your disappointment, as well as you being so candid about it. Yes, 50K is a lot, but it's hard not to wish his aunt had made decisions that could have really transformed the lives of future generations of her family.

AvidJadeShaker · 28/06/2025 21:08

Will your DH inherit from his late DM too?

rhrni · 28/06/2025 21:08

Going against the grain here - I can see why you would be disappointed if you were expecting way more.

50K is obviously absolutely amazing, but it doesn’t really get you very far these days. If you were thinking you might’ve come out of it with way more, I can definitely understand why you feel disappointed (even if you shouldn’t).

I think it’s a normal reaction. But then I am a tad on the greedy side.

Edenmum2 · 28/06/2025 21:07

Jesus OP. What charities specifically do you think you are more entitled to your husbands aunts money than? Cancer? Abuse victims? Vulnerable children?

poor old you with only 50k.

TammyJones · 28/06/2025 21:06

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at authors request

whitewineandsun · 28/06/2025 21:06

TerryWogansWig · 28/06/2025 20:44

Again, appreciative of the viewpoints expressed here.

To be clear, I’M not inheriting, DH is. So I’ve no real skin in the game, other than any opinions on joint income.

Then why feel dejected? Sounds like you're backpeddling now.

PrioritisePleasure24 · 28/06/2025 21:05

I have no kids. I have adult nephews and nieces i barely see, they’ve never even wish me happy birthday. Why should i leave everything to them? I have Godchildren too.

When i’m older i’ll decide what i leave to who i’m in touch with/close with. Charities will benefit. I’ve never had an inheritance, never will and i hate what it does to people in some cases.

Tiredandtiredagain · 28/06/2025 21:05

silentlyleavetheirlife · 28/06/2025 20:24

I’d be miffed too- charity begins at home!!

All the jealous little souls on this page 😖

family first!!!

charities are businesses!!! how much of your pound goes Direct to the cause you chose? every penny of the pound goes to your family!

go check your selves!

Edited

Go check yourself and your entitled attitude!

it was the aunts money, can see why she gave it to charity. I wound as well, if I had relatives with an attitude like yours and OPs.

Charities make good use of their money, no matter what nonsense you spout.

DrPrunesqualer · 28/06/2025 21:04

TammyJones · 28/06/2025 20:59

I would want my realatives to be able to get on the property ladder - charity begins at home.

Show quote history

The niece has her own parents for that though. Perhaps pp has other personal priorities. If anyone inheriting from us felt hard done by I’d be disgusted. The choice is entirely on the person with the money.

Supersimkin7 · 28/06/2025 21:04

Big, huge waste of money. Peanuts to Big Charity, standard help to a decent family.

With you, OP. How sad and silly
that woman was.

You’ll get flamed here - MNetters in inherited or social housing don’t like other people getting a look in. Ugly.

WhereHasMyPlanetGone · 28/06/2025 21:00

TammyJones · 28/06/2025 20:59

I would want my realatives to be able to get on the property ladder - charity begins at home.

Show quote history

‘But should not end there’

MidnightPatrol · 28/06/2025 21:00

Good for her

CharlotteByrde · 28/06/2025 20:59

The actual quote is 'Charity begins at home, but should not end there.' (Thomas Fuller) Sounds like the aunt took that on board.

TammyJones · 28/06/2025 20:59

DrPrunesqualer · 28/06/2025 20:56

Presumably she has her own parents for that if they want to. Surely it’s not on every family member without children to feel honour bound to leave their money to family. Why can’t they chose to do what they like with their money ? and when did not leaving a niece money mean you don’t love them. Is love just about money ?

Show quote history

I would want my realatives to be able to get on the property ladder - charity begins at home.

TammyJones · 28/06/2025 20:58

Livelovebehappy · 28/06/2025 19:22

I hope the charities are grateful. When my mil died last year, she left some to an Alzheimer’s charity - not an inconsiderable amount of £25k. We posted the cheque to them and never got an acknowledgement or an offer of condolences and gratitude that she had left them any money. Just very rude and entitled.

I’ve heard similar .,, charity’s hounding breaved families etc..
I would be upset op - £50 g to the charities and split the £ 800 g.
Sounds like aunt really didn’t like her relatives / friends that much …..

DrPrunesqualer · 28/06/2025 20:56

Mintsj · 28/06/2025 20:24

Why? Don’t you love her and want to do everything in your power to make her life easier?

Show quote history

Presumably she has her own parents for that if they want to. Surely it’s not on every family member without children to feel honour bound to leave their money to family. Why can’t they chose to do what they like with their money ? and when did not leaving a niece money mean you don’t love them. Is love just about money ?

SophiaSW1 · 28/06/2025 20:56

It’s not your will. You didn’t need to feel good about it. I hate the entitlement/greed.

Isouf · 28/06/2025 20:53

You haven't answered yet what your DH did for her while she was alive.
A constant presence and support? Or just the odd visit?

If DH didn't do much than 50K is loaaaads! and that's how you both 'can feel ok about the will'
If he was someone close and supportive i can understand the feeling hurt.

PluckyBamboo · 28/06/2025 20:50

Wow, that's really generous, unusual to get anything from an aunt.

Pebbles16 · 28/06/2025 20:48

sammylady37 · 28/06/2025 20:40

I have no children and am single, and will remain that way. I’m also a very high earner and am mortgage-free on a house worth over €500k.
I have lots of ‘niblings’ and I know some of my siblings fully expect my estate to be divided among them - one of my sisters has actually said to me that she thinks I should already be giving them 3k annually that would be tax free! In the course of a conversation about a small local charity that’s very close to my heart, I mentioned I’d left them a large donation in my will… my sister looked across at her son with arched eyebrows and a knowing look, as much as to say ‘she’s leaving it to charity, not you!!’

The sense of entitlement people have about inheritance is repulsive to me. I will be very wary of the avaricious crew who start circling around me when I’m older.

Yes, what is this? The father of my godchildren has hinted at this. I send my godchildren gifts, take them out/away. Have fun with them.
They will be receiving a moment gift and some cash. But that is it.
Said father of my godchildren expressed his disappointment when my sister had a child!