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Original poster

Help me feel ok about this will

387 replies

TerryWogansWig · 28/06/2025 18:08

Ok, I know “every will is contentious”, but I’m feeling dejected about this one.

DHs aunt, last remaining relative of that generation. No children of her own, Had over £1m in bank accounts etc. We were expecting a 4 way split between DH, his sister, their late mother ( recently deceased also), and a family friend who’d done a lot for her.

Will opened: £50k to each of the 4 expected beneficiaries, a few other very small specific amounts ( church etc), and the balance ( over 800k) split between 4 named charities .

That’s lovely for those charities, but I feel this is just not right. Why not specify an amount to the charities, with the rest split between family? But hey, that’s what she specified so we have to accept it.

Help me get past this.

OP posts:
SemiRetiredLoveGoddeess · 30/06/2025 00:50

Heard the saying Whre there is a Will. There are relatives. Well that youseems to sum you up.

If you are so afronted by her decision. Why don't you get legal advice from a Solicitor?

50k for doing nothing. Sounds good to me. Taje the money and run
📜💰👍

Zoec1975 · 29/06/2025 23:56

Did you or your husband ever visit said aunt.you sound totally money grabbing.please be grateful for what you are given,I would never expect anything from anyone that is not my parent.if it was me I would be over the moon and would give a good share to my charities anyway.but then I’m not all me me me.

EscapeToSuffolk · 29/06/2025 22:54

You're not grieving though OP so you're being disingenuous there.

EscapeToSuffolk · 29/06/2025 22:52

I'm sure a lot of people here would secretly be a bit miffed. You were hoping for and expecting what would potentially be a life-changing amount of money and it hasn't happened. This world is ruled by money and yet it seemingly doesn't affect anyone on this thread....

BooneyBeautiful · 29/06/2025 22:13

WhereHasMyPlanetGone · 29/06/2025 21:52

It might have been a different Alzheimer’s charity.

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Yes, it may well have been. Without searching through my emails, I can't remember which one it was now. It's definitely very poor form not to have received a thank you.

newchapternewday · 29/06/2025 22:03

There is no inheritance tax paid on donations to chairty - it seems your husbands aunt was very savvy making sure that every penny of hers went to an organisation and family members of her choice

WhereHasMyPlanetGone · 29/06/2025 21:52

BooneyBeautiful · 29/06/2025 21:51

That's disappointing. I have donated money to them twice in recent months via their website. Once in memory of my friend's DF and the second time in memory of another friend's DM. They emailed an acknowledgement to both friends as well as myself.

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It might have been a different Alzheimer’s charity.

BooneyBeautiful · 29/06/2025 21:51

Livelovebehappy · 28/06/2025 19:22

I hope the charities are grateful. When my mil died last year, she left some to an Alzheimer’s charity - not an inconsiderable amount of £25k. We posted the cheque to them and never got an acknowledgement or an offer of condolences and gratitude that she had left them any money. Just very rude and entitled.

That's disappointing. I have donated money to them twice in recent months via their website. Once in memory of my friend's DF and the second time in memory of another friend's DM. They emailed an acknowledgement to both friends as well as myself.

OnTheBoardwalk · 29/06/2025 21:37

I don’t have children (waiting for the pitchforks at dawn) but my will is important to me, I’m skint now but worth an absolute fortune when dead

i'm seeing my nephew right but leaving very little to my mum as I don’t want my dickhead brothers getting any of my cash if she dies after me

friends and charities close are getting the cash I can’t spend

BooneyBeautiful · 29/06/2025 21:30

Allseeingallknowing · 28/06/2025 18:44

What do you mean? Even if it were written a long time ago the amounts wouldn’t have changed, uses she changed her will.

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Poster means £50k many years ago would have been worth a lot more than it is today.

Notchangingnameagain · 29/06/2025 21:27

I absolutely love inheritance threads!!

In your head, you’ve sat and waited for the aunt to die and have mentally spent the money.

Your DH has just been given 50K of free money. Be thankful.

neverpostingidontthink · 29/06/2025 21:24

Given your reaction I’d guess you are a reason why she didn’t want to leave more to your husband.

Allseeingallknowing · 29/06/2025 21:09

Sorry - my comment was meant for another poster!

WhereHasMyPlanetGone · 29/06/2025 21:07

Allseeingallknowing · 29/06/2025 21:06

Thomasshelbysfagend- You were unfairly treated, so often this happens that the most deserving person is left out. I’’d be bitter too

Edited

How do you know she was the ‘most deserving person’?? She wasn’t even related to the deceased. They also weren’t ’left out’, they inherited £50k

Allseeingallknowing · 29/06/2025 21:06

Thomasshelbysfagend- You were unfairly treated, so often this happens that the most deserving person is left out. I’’d be bitter too

Middleagedspreadisreal · 29/06/2025 20:47

'Expecting a four way split'? Rude and unbelievable.

Dorisbonson · 29/06/2025 20:31

neverbeenskiing · 29/06/2025 15:39

What kind of person would try to "fight" a charity for their dead Aunts money because they're not satisfied with their £50k?

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Probably someone who has sufficient moral grounds and legal arguments to do so.

Annascaul · 29/06/2025 19:48

CommonAsMucklowe · 29/06/2025 19:11

I'd be as gutted as you especially if the charities are something I wouldn't consider worthy. Did you aunt in law see you as already well-off?

The person who earned the money thought they were worthy 😂
It’s got fuck all to do with op.

BlazenWeights · 29/06/2025 19:12

noctilucentcloud · 29/06/2025 10:26

There's absolutely nothing wrong with leaving money to adults, if you want to. But this was an aunt, not a parent. She left money to her relatives, £50k is very generous. We don't know what charities she left her money to, they may well be smaller excellent ones or ones that were important to her. Either way it doesn't matter, it was her decision to make.

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You’re right

CommonAsMucklowe · 29/06/2025 19:11

I'd be as gutted as you especially if the charities are something I wouldn't consider worthy. Did you aunt in law see you as already well-off?

Laura95167 · 29/06/2025 19:03

TerryWogansWig · 28/06/2025 18:08

Ok, I know “every will is contentious”, but I’m feeling dejected about this one.

DHs aunt, last remaining relative of that generation. No children of her own, Had over £1m in bank accounts etc. We were expecting a 4 way split between DH, his sister, their late mother ( recently deceased also), and a family friend who’d done a lot for her.

Will opened: £50k to each of the 4 expected beneficiaries, a few other very small specific amounts ( church etc), and the balance ( over 800k) split between 4 named charities .

That’s lovely for those charities, but I feel this is just not right. Why not specify an amount to the charities, with the rest split between family? But hey, that’s what she specified so we have to accept it.

Help me get past this.

Your husbands aunt had £1mil and you've been sitting waiting for payday? £50K isnt pocket change! Youre full CF territory.

Good for your aunt.

Original poster
TerryWogansWig · 29/06/2025 19:00

Thank you all for the reality check.

The amount given to charity (which is absolutely great for them), brings the value of the estate down so that she did not have to pay inheritance tax. It all makes sense now, she knew what she was doing, those charities will be very happy to get that, we are extremely grateful for the substantial sum given to us, no resentment or getting over it required.

Big non-mumsnetty-hugs.

OP posts:
knor · 29/06/2025 18:54

I think some of the comments are quite harsh.
However, I think your expectation is what has made you feel disappointed. As pointed out, 50k is a lot of money, so many people would be delighted with this amount. But as you were expecting more, I see how you feel shocked.
was your husband very close to his aunt? Was he promised this money and then only found out when the will was read that most of the money was going to charity? As your DH isn’t a direct relative (child; spouse etc) I think you should appreciate any money at all. Start thinking about what you’ll spend the 50k on.
i would also look into the 4 named charities. 200k will do soooo much for them and they obviously meant a lot to the aunt so if you’re feeling a bit disappointed, take a look at what the money will do and hopefully you’ll feel a bit better :)

harriethoyle · 29/06/2025 18:53

If you don’t understand the relevance @MikeRafone you’re probably exactly the type of person who gets grabby with the estates of late relatives 🤣

FeetLikeFlippers · 29/06/2025 18:52

juneny · 28/06/2025 18:15

get over yourself, that'll help you get over it

That made me laugh so hard. (MN admin: please bring back the laughing emoji reaction.)