Help me feel ok about this will

A distant relative did similar. Small amount to close relatives up to amount free of inheritance tax the rest to charity to avoid any tax.

Team Aunt (by marriage only) here!
She obviously had something of an Axe to grind.
Good on her 😁

You were going to leave your house to your nieces @Anyahyacinth ?

Let's also remember that the (late) MIL is receiving GBP50k, so OP's DH stands to receive a portion of that, as well as potentially further inheritance from her estate.

Tbh I'd probably feel exactly the same as you op. don't know why you're getting all these responses saying you're being unreasonable. Not sure on your relationship with the aunt but if you were close and a big part of her life then I would feel gutted about £800k going to charities. in my opinion 50k should have gone to each charity which is more than enough and the £800k split between family.

Not only are you being unreasonable you are also being ungrateful.
You have no rights to her money nobody does, it was her choice to make where it went & who to when she passed.
Have some respect!

£50k from an AUNT and you’re upset? Unless she brought your DH up, he is not her child and should not have had expectations on her estate. If you’re disappointed it’s because you started out with unreasonable expectations.

I think you mean greed alters ones perspective.

I think it is possible to respect someones right to do what they want with their own money, while still being upset that they didn't choose to help them out. Not choosing to help out a young and struggling relative (if that is the case) definitely seems like a big fuck you to me. Of course human relationships are complex, and sometimes there are many facets to the story of why someone behaves in a particular way and the nuances are rarely put on here.

I think people wanting to maximise their inheritances is less of a statement about them and their grabbing nature and more of a statement about how unaffordable society has become and how difficult it is to raise a family.

At the end of the day, if people could afford decent lives and decent housing they wouldn't need to be so aggressive about seeking out inheritances. If you are at the bottom of the pile it is often about making ends meet any way you can. For many inheritance is a significant and sometimes the only way (bar a lottery win) of getting decent housing/living standards. I don't see many people who get large inheritances turning them down.

I suspect people on the thread just know better than to have expectations about someone else's will. The OP has updated graciously, and I hope she gets genuine enjoyment from her £50k.

Yanbu
It was a very bad move on her part in my opinion.

I am glad you can derive some joy from knowing that the money will make a difference to those charities, and therefore to lives.

I hope you can find a way to really enjoy the £50,000 as well. What a nice thing.

Your first mistake was 'expecting.'

Expect nothing and anything you do get is a pleasant surprise.

Why she left you a specific amount, maybe you have not considered that tax and care home fees would have "drained" the charity side of the account rather than yours.

ie you would have got 50K regardless if the estate was over a net certain amount, but the charity number would have been highly variable.

How much did you do for her when she was alive and aging? How often did you visit?
Did you have her with you for Christmas?
How involved were you in her life, and her in yours?

This must have felt very disappointing. It's human to think about these kind of things, I don't think it's grabby or rude or any of the other horrible things that have been said. It doesn't mean you didn't care about the aunt, just that you were hoping something nice was coming your way, and you'd probably already mentally spent the money in that practical way that you do. Everyone saying it's her will, you've still got 50k etc is absolutely correct and morally upright. But it doesn't mean you won't feel disappointed. it's very easy to see the morally correct position when you're not closely involved.

Don't beat yourself up OP. Time will kill the disappointment if it hasn't already been beaten out of you by this thread!

An estate of 1 million would owe 40% inheritance tax . Gifts to charity are tex free - so 800k going to your aunts chosen causes .

Well, I get it. Life is tough at the moment. Living costs are horrible, houses are expensive to buy, kids are expensive to bring up. If you have a family and are struggling to make things meet then obviously when a relative decides to leave a large amount of money to charity it feels like a kick in the teeth, especially if the money would have made a real difference to your lifestyle. Some points though :

i) The average legacy in the UK is about 30K. A lot of people don't get anything from their parents/relatives. An AI summary says about 40% of adults believe they have nothing to inherit and 18% of adults plan to leave nothing to their children. You can search the web for stats on this.

ii) Most people don't inherit from aunts and uncles, only their parents. Given that a lot of people don't even receive anything from their parents, anything from an aunt or uncle could be regarded as a significant bonus.

iii) People can do do what they want with their money.

iv) Without knowing the details, so a bit of a guess, if that money had not been left to charity and there was no tax planning the taxman would probably have taken a massive chunk of it, so there is a fair probability you wouldn't have got more than another 100K each even if is was all split between the four beneficiaries. A decent sum of money, but probably not lifechanging to a young family.

v) If you don't spend much time with someone in life, then it isn't really that realistic to expect anything when they die.

That is amazing! Fantastic idea!

You're not unreasonable to be disappointed... You were expecting close to half a mil (because of DHs mother dying) and "only" got £50k.

Be honest, you and your DH were already mentally spending the money, and now it's gone.
But you can still do a huge amount with £50k. If it were me, I'd put £10k away for buying my next car, and put the remaining £40k on the mortgage. For me, that would result in it being paid off at 50 rather than 60.

Several people have asked whether you were close, loving and helpful to the aunt in her last years, and you've chosen not to answer (unless I've missed your post). I'll bet you had little or nothing to do with her going by your lack of answer, in which case you're presumptive, callous and greedy .... you're lucky to be getting anything, it's a shame she didn't leave all her estate to charity.

I get it OP.

I'm going through something similar with my elderly mother. She's very fixated on the relatively small amount of money in her bank accounts (which is very visible to her) but just can't seem to grasp that her entire estate (including investments and the value of her house) is worth probably 12 times as much. I keep telling her but it just seems to slide over the surface of her brain.

Your DHs aunt probably thought £50K was A LOT of money, plenty to help you out in your lives, and didn't realise just how big her total estate was.

However, I also have to agree with everyone else that frustrating as it is, it was her money to dispose as she saw fit.

Myself along with a ton of other people can't even expect anything from parents...

People should stop counting on inheritances and see them as a lucky extra, lust like winning the lottery!

You're benefitting to the tune of £50k, It's not even your aunt and you want more? Absolute greed. Looks like she had you sussed.

Similar situation here.

childless aunt. Of four siblings, I am the only one with contact. For years
I did the daily care, bills, admin, household stuff etc. for love, not money, my aunt was kind to me growing up in an abusive family.

when she passed, all was left equally between my and siblings 9 kids, mine knew her well and brought her a lot of joy, the others had never met or heard of her.

I got the admin.

I confess it did sting a bit.