Grossed out by new partner walking in when I was showering

Wee? No probs with that in our house but a shit?!!! No way!

God no, no, no… that’s just gross

Exactly. Honestly who are the troglodytes 🤣

I don’t get these comments- at what point in a long relationship do you say “ok time to start shutting in front of each other now”?! If you managed for the years before not doing it, absolutely no need to start.

After years of being together may be. But fairly new partner and first time stay over- hard no.

What on Earth is so important that he needs it NOW from the bathroom cupboard and can’t wait a few mins ?

No shit sherlock, but not in front of other people 😂 it’s vile behaviour.

It’s hard to think he didn’t just do it on purpose to see how quickly he could stomp all over your boundaries then.

Exactly this. It doesn’t matter whether everyone else thinks it’s fine or not fine, the fact is he didn’t take your feelings into consideration and dismissed you when you expressed misgivings. Doesn’t matter if it’s shitting when I’m in the shower or putting ketchup on chips we’re going to share, someone who doesn’t ask what your preference is will eventually make you lose your mind. Run away.

Been with my partner 10 years and we are pretty comfortable together and not prudish, but would both not be ok with this. We only have one bathroom as well - if you need the loo then you should say before someone goes in for a shower. Obviously some couples are fine with it, but I think barging in on your partner having a shower the first time they’ve ever stayed over and having a sh*t without even checking if they mind isn’t a great sign for the future re. respect & consideration in general.

Absolutely.

100% agree. To assume it would be OK without asking is ludicrous.

It’s the fact that he has done this so early on in the relationship which is the even biggest turn off for me!

I've never pooed with a partner in the room and vice versa, that's absolutely grim.

Honestly, that’s even worse. It never occurred to him that you might not like that? So instead of playing it safe and using the downstairs loo, he uses the bathroom you’re in? I know MN can be a bit prone to seeing red flags everywhere but honestly this does feel a bit like he’s testing your boundaries. Did he even ask if it was ok? It’s his house but you’re his guest and he should have asked.

No, I'm sorry but no. The expectation for normal human interaction is that if you want to do something outlandish/painful/unpleasant/unusual you ask FIRST. You don't just do it and expect the person to tell you they don't like it when you're half way through. Apply your logic to something sexual - slapping, anal for example. Do you put the onus on the woman to tell the man she doesn't want his cock up her bum when he's already trying to stick it in or do you expect him to seek consent first? Shitting in front of another person isn't normal behaviour. If you want to do it, you ask first.

This is insane behaviour on his part and would send my fanny clamping shut permanently. I could not get over this.

That's not exactly unusual. Judging by most of the comments on this thread, it's pretty unusual to go for a shit in front of anyone, regardless of if they have seen you give birth. Having a baby is a shared experience for most, I have no desire for DH to share his shits with me.

The point isn’t that he went to the toilet, it’s that he didn’t check if you were comfortable with it. Never mind what his other partners felt about it - it’s not acceptable to just stroll in and poo. It sounds like a power display to me, especially as you couldn’t exactly leave the room immediately. YANBU

I agree, it's a power/territory thing, making her endure something she is not at all comfortable with.
This would never happen to me, I would 100% lock the door ever if I was cleaning my teeth, just to send a clear message that the bathroom is a PRIVATE space.
I understand that some people are 'outliers' and prefer a communal approach but surely they will realise that they are unusual in this regard and would that others would find this very invasive!

@thestudio well we’re long past that stage. Literally nothing in a bathroom cupboard was so important that we couldn’t wait for the shitting partner to fully finish.

Probably around the one baby one toddler stage. We don’t do it now. But if I was having a poo and he needed to come in to get something from the cupboard, I’d be ok with it. Would stop pushing though😁😬

@Raindropsandroses123 is it an either or situation?! Like you can worry about death and war or you can say “please don’t shit in front of me” to your husband?!

Haha my friend had the same thing with her new man and was also horrified. But she just calmly mentioned it at an opportune moment the next time they were together and said she’d rather not share a bathroom. My partner and I are both divorced and we agree we want to keep bathroom stuff private and we won’t be sharing. Unless it’s the occasional steamy shower!

Yuck no way ever