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Original poster

Grossed out by new partner walking in when I was showering

307 replies

HelenaJl · 28/06/2025 17:09

I have a fairly new partner, my first after my 10 year marriage ended. I stayed at his for the first time last night and went to have a shower this morning (no lock on the door). A few minutes in my partner walked in and used the loo!! He was sat there trying to talk to me and I didn’t know where to look. When I said afterwards I didn’t expect that he said it shows how comfortable he is around me and that his past relationships have always been like that so it’s just normal these days.

I can tell you in my entire marriage my ex never walked in on me to use the loo and vice versa! I found him sitting there and ‘dropping off’ a right turn off to be honest!

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SALaw · 02/07/2025 17:43

CatsArePeople · 01/07/2025 18:29

Umm... when you have to go, you have to go. Although offputting in a brand new relationship. It takes time to get comfortable with bodily functions

No, absent medical conditions people regularly have to wait a bit to go, eg when in meetings, classes, during take off and landing planes, during turbulence, whilst a train is at the station (is that still a thing), when not near a public toilet etc.

Kimchiii · 02/07/2025 17:34

CatsArePeople · 01/07/2025 18:29

Umm... when you have to go, you have to go. Although offputting in a brand new relationship. It takes time to get comfortable with bodily functions

Aside from the fact he has two toilets, unless you have a medical condition or a stomach bug most adults can wait 10 minutes or so until the bathroom is free.

I’ve lived in flatshares with only one bathroom and everyone waited - because they had to.

And if you as a grown man couldn’t wait for any reason, you’d at least apologise profusely to the woman you’re dating . Not just shrug and tell them your exes were ok with it.

And no you don’t ever have to “get comfortable” with your boyfriend/partner/husband taking a shit in front of you while you’re in the shower.

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 01/07/2025 18:43

CatsArePeople · 01/07/2025 18:29

Umm... when you have to go, you have to go. Although offputting in a brand new relationship. It takes time to get comfortable with bodily functions

He has two toilets!!!

CatsArePeople · 01/07/2025 18:29

Umm... when you have to go, you have to go. Although offputting in a brand new relationship. It takes time to get comfortable with bodily functions

MutedMavis · 01/07/2025 18:01

Did you tell "Pooing Pete' to bog off OP?

Three of my friends insist on having a poo in my downstairs loo. I wouldn't want to witness that either.

He'll be knicker pinching next.

Notmyrealname22 · 01/07/2025 12:08

YABU for calling someone your “partner” after your first sleepover at his house.

YANBU for not wanting to watch him shit! That’s disgusting. I’m 49 years old, had multiple relationships and have NEVER had a partner use the toilet in the same room as me.

just tell him that’s a deal breaker for you. If he does it again, you’re out.

Ilikemymenlikeilikemycoffee · 01/07/2025 12:06

Ilovemyshed · 28/06/2025 17:11

Crikey, its just a bodily function. If you have sex then seeing him on the loo isn’t weird.

Sex is very different to having a shit!

I’ve been with my DH for 17 years and not once have we done this. It’s gross and unnecessary!

Alfredsdreaming · 01/07/2025 12:03

luckily we have a separate loo but the way my husband leaves it stinking I would be up and out that bath.

Kimwestonhelpless · 01/07/2025 11:25

Barney16 · 28/06/2025 17:16

Oh yak. Forty years or marriage or being in relationships and no one has ever done that. Gross.

Agreed,it's called having respect for your partner.
Nobody else needs to hear the noises and smell the stink in close proximity 🤮

HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 01/07/2025 10:59

Absolutely not normal.
I can’t believe he thought it was appropriate! Especially as he has another toilet he could use.

Kittylickingplate · 01/07/2025 10:49

Goodness, Nooooooooo
Only if so ill you needed help.
I have been married 30 years.

PrincessASDaisy · 01/07/2025 10:43

Ilovemyshed · 28/06/2025 17:11

Crikey, its just a bodily function. If you have sex then seeing him on the loo isn’t weird.

There are bodily functions and then there are bodily functions.

People don’t usually shit during sex (unless they have a vile kink)

InterestedDad37 · 01/07/2025 10:39

My ex-wife used to do that on occasion, and I found it gross. One of the aspects of the relationship I was more than happy to leave behind (pardon the pun) 🙂

Jackiepumpkinhead · 01/07/2025 10:18

Kimchiii · 01/07/2025 09:45

When I was 23 I dated this 30 year old man who found it hilarious to stick out his bum in my direction and fart. It wasn’t just like a natural fart that happened, it was the whole performance side of it which was disrespectful.

thankfully I never slept with him and I ditched him quickly.

In situations like that I always used to think how would this man behave in front of his dream woman? Megan fox or Halle berry or whatever. Or even a non-celeb that they found extremely gorgeous.

Would they be farting like that or doing a dump in their presence - highly doubt it!

So it tells me that I am far from their dream girl when they disrespect me like that. Men know exactly how to behave well - at least at the beginning of a relationship - when they are with someone they value.

Edited
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Spot on!

PaterPower · 01/07/2025 10:05

SereneHare · 30/06/2025 18:57

Maybe that's why most divorces are instigated by women, citing shitty behaviour....

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Boom boom!

PaterPower · 01/07/2025 10:04

I’m a bloke and I wouldn’t do this in front of my wife, let alone someone I’d not been dating that long, unless it was the only loo and it was pretty much that or soil myself. Even then, I’d probably ask her to get out of the shower whilst I had to go.

Wolfpinkola · 01/07/2025 09:55

JC!! Couldn’t he have sucked it up for a minute 🤣

Kimchiii · 01/07/2025 09:45

Jackiepumpkinhead · 30/06/2025 19:13

He’s definitely boundary pushing. I could not be in a relationship with someone who wiped their arse in front of me. The lack of respect is staggering.

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When I was 23 I dated this 30 year old man who found it hilarious to stick out his bum in my direction and fart. It wasn’t just like a natural fart that happened, it was the whole performance side of it which was disrespectful.

thankfully I never slept with him and I ditched him quickly.

In situations like that I always used to think how would this man behave in front of his dream woman? Megan fox or Halle berry or whatever. Or even a non-celeb that they found extremely gorgeous.

Would they be farting like that or doing a dump in their presence - highly doubt it!

So it tells me that I am far from their dream girl when they disrespect me like that. Men know exactly how to behave well - at least at the beginning of a relationship - when they are with someone they value.

Disturbia81 · 30/06/2025 22:57

FartNRoses · 30/06/2025 20:14

I have never heard that word before! But I’m going to use it all the time 😝😝😝😝
Thank you

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No worries, I use it quite a lot for anyone a bit grim or backwards 😆

FartNRoses · 30/06/2025 20:14

Disturbia81 · 29/06/2025 14:12

Exactly. Honestly who are the troglodytes 🤣

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I have never heard that word before! But I’m going to use it all the time 😝😝😝😝
Thank you

FartNRoses · 30/06/2025 20:12

SALaw · 30/06/2025 19:00

You’re sexing wrong

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🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Brilliant

Jackiepumpkinhead · 30/06/2025 19:13

HelenaJl · 28/06/2025 18:03

Thanks for the reassurance that it was odd! I don’t think he was boundary pushing, because he was just so blasé about the whole thing!

He’s definitely boundary pushing. I could not be in a relationship with someone who wiped their arse in front of me. The lack of respect is staggering.

Scarlettpixie · 30/06/2025 19:09

I met my now exh 26 years ago and we used to be fine with one of us being in the bath or shower and the other coming in or having the door open so not a new thing. I would push it closed for a number 2 but he might not bother (I only found this a turn off as our relationship soured). Neither of us ever had a poo with the other in the room though, that would be weird and I wouldn't have liked it. Seems a bit of a cheek if nothing else to spoil someone's shower time by making a stink! He would sometimes come in when I was in the bath and maybe have a sitting down wee or come and get something out of the cupboard or a chat. It mostly stopped when we had more toilets and a DS to keep an eye on!

If you don't like it tell him not to do it. Start now or it will only get harder the longer you are together.

SALaw · 30/06/2025 19:00

Ilovemyshed · 28/06/2025 17:11

Crikey, its just a bodily function. If you have sex then seeing him on the loo isn’t weird.

You’re sexing wrong

SereneHare · 30/06/2025 18:57

SALaw · 29/06/2025 13:15

I don’t get these comments- at what point in a long relationship do you say “ok time to start shutting in front of each other now”?! If you managed for the years before not doing it, absolutely no need to start.

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Maybe that's why most divorces are instigated by women, citing shitty behaviour....

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