DSC birthday present

I know it’s different as the older one is DSC but wonder if some of this might be a twin thing. I find that my older one gets gifted things when it’s a special event for the twins & do get it myself as when it was their birthday did get some token small things as it’s hard when there’s two of them getting stuff - I get that at some point it needs to stop but I figure we’ll phase it out gradually as they get older & I do tend to save highly desirable items for all 3 & wouldn’t get them just for the twins. I think it’s really hard for an older child when twins come along which might be influencing them. & this is a blended family situation which makes it more complicated. It also goes the other way too, I find people can treat the twins as a unit eg. my parents got them a really thoughtful card but got them one to share which was annoying! It sounds like there might be other stuff going on here but I do think it being twins changes the dynamic which may be affecting it too.

You say you don't equate time with presents.
However, I'm sure your ss would disagree.
He sees his dad 2 days out of 14 and your dt see him every day. And you're upset that his gp give him a present?! They probably feel sorry for him.
This is not the hil to die on, you have bigger problems coming your way. Let it go.

Then you know where the problem lies.

Maybe do a spreadsheet - if he sees it in b&w with the value, the penny might drop?

I always find it really odd how step children are treated but I do have my DSS full time now and just couldn’t imagine to bring him my life and not give him everything I give my own.

I'd be having serious grounds for divorce if you were married as he clearly thinks of the twins as less than the older child despite them all being his children!! Dad giving out uneven treatment is much worse than GPS doing it.

is he? he is seeing the DT daily and how other child only fortnightly.

In any case, it looks like 2 adults rushed to bring more children into the world when DH's DC1 was still very small. I think OP need to cut DSC a bit more slack and take a bit more ownership of her and DH's role which led to a situation where DCS isn't able to see their dad regularly.

This is would absolutely not be putting g up with.

Please dont tell us DT are girls?

I'd be having serious grounds for divorce if you were married as he clearly thinks of the twins as less than the older child despite them all being his children!! Dad giving out uneven treatment is much worse than GPS doing it.

They are not trying to change
I think you are a bit dismissive of the issues your DSS may be facing.

You won’t tell us the gift I think that would be important to be fair

the age gap is tiny and his an only child going to a house with his twin brothers close in age.

if it was something like a switch or something like that I can see why they did it.

that's a tiny gap with kids close in age, no wonder the PIL are trying to guilt present.

😂😂 fair enough

yes, small age gap, personally wouldn't have touched him with a barge pole with such a young child, probably somewhat explains his guilt present buying & perhaps his laziness. Is why he was single (assuming he was...)

Their home should be his home the minute they decided to have his siblings they became a family.
i will forever be so confused by the stance on step children.

One of the mums made a choice to have a step child and to make said step child a half sibling. One of the mums didn’t, and had no control over the position their child was put in.

That means that one of the mothers has a responsibility to consider her step child, but the other mother who doesn’t have a step child doesn’t have the same obligation.

DC have started to ask why is it they have to share everything but DSC doesn’t.

Then explain to them that their grandparents feel sad for their older sibling that they don’t get to live with both parents like they do and buys extra presents because they don’t want their half sibling to feel sad or left out. Point out that they get to live with each other and see if they can develop some empathy for the difficult position their sibling is in.

You’re right that the presents don’t make up for the different family experiences your partners children will have as they grow up, but they do send a message that a child is considered, valued and loved. Your step child needs to receive this message much more than your children do because of their different circumstances.

Apologies, i didn’t actually see they were paternal grandparents. It just seems too small an age gap to be a second family.

Are you suggesting they're her BIL's children??

pretty hard for the paternal grandparents to be paternal grandparents otherwise.

Nope. If DSC mum's gifts are irrelevant (& I agree they are) then irrespective of how finances are arranged the OP can buy her kids presents as well.

The mums are both equal to their own children.

9 and 7? Thats a very small age gap. So are DT yours from a previous relationship?

Yes what her DP buys including if they share finances does matter

DSC mum is nothing to do with her children

he is their dad and she married him knowing that.

Well. that's something I suppose?! It does all the 'extra work/parenting' fall on your or does he actually step up??

Cross posted.

hes too lazy 🙄🙄then get him told. He cannot make up for being a lazy Dad to DSC, by buying him more & making the twins share, but not DSC. Seriously give him both barrels on being a lazy Dad to DSC!!

Well then what the OP buys her twins shouldn't be relevant either then!

@MILisProfessorUmbridge

you need to get your DH sorted out before you can tackle his parents!

'We' didn't get the twins Birthday Presents unless 'we' get DSC's birthday presents

the twins already see they have to share their stuff but 'golden child' doesn't.

yes the twins get to live with their Dad 34/7 & DSC doesn't. Buy the fact Dad spoils DSC more hasn't gone unnoticed. It is just causing a wedge between the kids & it's not changing how little DSC sees his Dad. Does he stay for half the holidays. Do they see each other in the week? (If not, why not. Can that be changed??)