To not have internet at home?

whether it disadvantages him or not isn’t the point I was making. Calling a person who is working hard to beat an addiction selfish is just mind-bogglingly awful.

there are ways around having the net at home.

Apologies if this is obvious; I have read the thread but can't remember anybody saying this...

Can you get yourself a really rubbish, low-spec, bottom-of-the-range laptop for the online things that you need to do yourself- such as communicating with the school and other basic admin - and then get your DS a decent one with a password that he keeps strictly to himself?

If you get a pentium with 4GB of RAM - like my useless work one - it will be irritatingly slow but just about functional for emails and other simple stuff. Try gaming on it and it will constantly crash and be utterly useless.

Yes, good point. I forgot about all this. I get inundated with emails from my children's schools daily. All school communication is done via apps.

You underestimate the amount of online notifications you get a day about homework,, lessons, emails about food tech, we have separate apps for school lessons, one for homework and different ones for maths and science. All our school introductions and information evenings are done online. Parents evening is online, you have to book the slots online. If a pupil doesn’t have access to a laptop, our school have a Chromebook scheme. They have to have one.

Using the Internet at the library is probably fine if you're retired and are able to wait around for a PC in the daytime, and you save up a couple of specific little tasks to do but are otherwise not really fussed about doing stuff online... but it's categorically incompatible with the life of a secondary-age young person nowadays.

He will get more and more homework to do online as he moves up through secondary school. He will also miss out a lot with being able to play and keep in touch with friends if you're restricting it this much. I think you need to put his needs above your own and find another way to work through your addiction.

Also wanted to add, if the school encountered a family that could not access the internet, the solution would not be to provide paper homework. They would seek financial support to get the household online.

One hour of internet access at the library would be wholly insufficient for accessing the curriculum
at DD’s secondary school. The work is almost exclusively done on the school provided laptops via an online portal. Most homework is due not the next morning, but in the evening on the day it is assigned.

addiction is a serious problem. You still can’t deny your child access to a basic amenity like the internet. At this point it is like not having electricity or water in the home.

your son will be old enough that he could manage the connection. While you will need to be the account holder, there is no reason for you to have the passwords.

Ask the head.

I don't think it's at all fair or realistic to ask them to change established streamlined school-wide communications methods just for you.

If you told them that you don't have the Internet at home, they would likely try to help you find an affordable social tariff or some other solution to get your home online, but I don't think they would readily accept as an answer that you simply can't or won't have the Internet readily available when a secondary-aged child lives there.

Can't you have Internet but have your server block the websites you'll be tempted by? After all if you're really determined then surely you'd access them in the library yourself!

I think some people are being a little bit oversimplistic about how essential the Internet is now for modern life.

Yes, we managed perfectly fine in decades past, but that's extremely difficult to achieve now. Many elderly people aren't online and this closes a lot of doors to them in modern society, in their latter years. It must be many times worse for somebody who is still near the beginning of their life. People do make some allowance for old folk who aren't online, but it's automatically assumed that all children of school age are.

Some countries treat access to the Internet as a basic human right, akin to access to shelter and clean water; and I personally agree with them.

No advice but I'm sorry you're going through this, OP. It seems like an addiction that isn't taken seriously enough by society and there will be massive repercussions in the future because you are definitely not the only one with this issue. It's a time bomb waiting to happen.

All the best to you and your son.

The secondary school will communicate with parents almost entirely over the internet ie emails, apps, payment systems for lunch, trips etc.

You can get a tablet on a phone contract and pick the highest data package for him

OP, I read your message about you losing your home and job due to your addiction so I totally see it’s not as simple as some PP are saying, and sorry you’re getting this from people.

i agree that a dongle for your ds is a really good solution: he has his laptop and his dongle and you can continue to live without internet access yourself.

i think the idea of a trusted adult external to the home who controls the password is a very good one if you are looking for a way to manage this which still allows your child to remain the child in the situation (not putting them in sole control of internet, also not putting your relationship under strain)

If this is not possible then hotspotting through smartphone is the second best option i think

Your are absolutely entitled to enact measures to prevent relapse and your courage in managing addiction should be recognised. However, internet is a must. Access is referred to in some spaces now as a developing human rights need in so called developed countries due to the growing impossibility to navigate life without it - and although this may be not quite true for a minor, i grew up in a home which did not have internet and did not access it for the first time outside of school settings until i was 18. this absolutely damaged my tech literacy even then (i’m 38) so cannot imagine what that would look like today.

wishing you all the best navigating this tricky situation and of course congratulations on your continued sobriety.

This would be my concern op. The school does everything online. Payments, timetables, homework, messages home, absence reporting, booking parents evening. If you can’t find a way around managing your situation you will need to talk to them about this. Your child should not be made to miss out or suffer because of your addiction.

Best solution would be a phone for him that only he knows the password to or needs his fingerprint etc, and then you can sit with him to access anything essential for school. Set it up with a decent data plan and then use it only when necessary. Sometimes you just have to deal with this stuff.

It was like that when DD was at secondary school between 2011 and 2018.

TBH, everything is done online now, not just school - NHS appointments, deliveries, reminders for dentist and eye tests, re-ordering prescriptions, banking etc.

It will make his life - school and social difficult and seems unfair on him.
could he have internet dongle type thing if these still exist?

You need WiFi for your son. Why don’t you sign up for a broadband contract and when the router arrives get him to change the password so that you don’t have access to it?

Equally I understand your position as I have a close family member who literally gambled the house away leaving his young teens homeless.

And frankly the school can be asked to make adjustments and that you do not have internet at home so they will have to text or call. And can send letters home

To be fair, having no alcohol in the house wouldn’t disadvantage him academically or socially whereas having no internet will when he is secondary school age in particular.

OP will need to have internet access herself too in order to keep up with school admin and requests I think, as sometimes things will come in during ‘home’ hours / days and will need her response.

So much school / club correspondence is done now through emails and apps. Almost all of it really.

I had a password protected PC as a teenager. I somehow managed to keep away from perverts and porn.

I think it’s understandable, can DD spend more evening at his dads to get work done?

i think staying after school to get work out of the way or the library is fine. And get him a phone with unlimited that he could also use.

better a little inconvenience rather than losing his home