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AIBU?

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DH and the washing machine

137 replies

recklessgran · 28/06/2025 09:54

Just looking for some perspective on this as sometimes I think I'm going mad. We returned last night from a week's holiday - obviously with the usual dirty laundry and like most women I'm keen to crack on and get the laundry started and out on the line. This morning DH got the cases in from the car so I thought I'd get the first wash load on ahead of going out to get groceries for us as well as my demented mother to whom I would need to deliver said groceries.[Lives alone with a small care package] and obviously haven't seen her so would need to catch up and make sure she's O.K, etc
DH fully aware of this plan [and the fact that I always start the washing as soon as the cases are in from the car]. He was taking our dog out for a run whilst I cracked on with above jobs. No issue with that - usual routine. However the next thing I can hear the washing machine going so I asked DH what was in the washing machine. Dog towels he says. Dog towels says I? What? Now - today when I've got a case load of dirty holiday washing to do? Yes, you guessed it - all this hot weather and he decides to put a load of muddy dog towels on that he's been storing in his boot since the last wet weather so obviously not newly muddy or needed to be washed today or likely to be used imminently given the current heatwave. He does not understand why under the above circumstances I'm so cross that he has prioritised laundering the bloody dog towels. So, AIBU to be really cross with DH this morning as he seems to think so having just stormed out with said dog ? [So as not to drip feed he has form fror this kind of thing and often has his own agenda where it doesn't occur to him to consider anyone else's needs.]

OP posts:
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Flossflower · 04/07/2025 16:23

JillMW · 04/07/2025 12:43

Do it at the launderette before you leave. Lots of hotels have one if you ask.If not do it as soon as you get in before bed. Hang it on airers to dry overnight. Seems a funny thing to get her up about such an easy task.

Where do you go on holiday that has hotels that have launderettes?
The only place I have seen this is in New Zealand. I haven’t been to Australia so maybe they do have them there too. I haven’t never seen them in all the hotels I have stayed in in Europe, Asia, North or South America.

JillMW · 04/07/2025 12:43

Do it at the launderette before you leave. Lots of hotels have one if you ask.If not do it as soon as you get in before bed. Hang it on airers to dry overnight. Seems a funny thing to get her up about such an easy task.

Independence Day Cat GIF by Pusheen
grumpygrape · 30/06/2025 14:45

Sultanofzanzibar · 30/06/2025 14:40

Sexist, low bar nonsense.

Tongue in cheek 😊

Sultanofzanzibar · 30/06/2025 14:40

grumpygrape · 28/06/2025 09:57

I'm amazed you have a husband who knows how to use the machine. Probably used all his mental faculties doing that and there was nothing left to think about holiday laundry.
The towels must have been pretty gross having been stored from wet in the boot 🤮

Sexist, low bar nonsense.

BogRollBOGOF · 30/06/2025 14:12

It would irritate me. I need to strike while the motivation is hot. Getting the laundry out and through the machines means I can get the luggage cleared and put away before I rapidly go "blind" to it.

DH is self-sufficient with his laundry as any competent adult should be, but it is mildly irritating when I want to get a load in to find that he's set the machine up on a timer (which is somewhat basic-crude on its settings options) and it'll go off mid-morning on a leisurely cycle, which has a knack for not fitting with my plans for the day and being efficient to time getting into the dryer and getting through the loads that I need to do (which tends to involve a teenager with executive function issues suddenly realising that they have a laundry crisis)

AJLOAL · 30/06/2025 13:35

There really are more important things in life to stress about. Get a grip.

IsItSnowing · 30/06/2025 12:31

It wouldn't bother me at all. It's just washing. Either me or DH might put a load on when we get back from our holidays depending on who has other stuff to do. I wouldn't think twice about what he chose to put in first to be honest.

BlondeCircus · 30/06/2025 12:20

Wouldn’t bother me how long would the dog towels take to wash I’d be doing something else it’s such a lovely day I’m sure all will get dried in few hours

LilacReader · 30/06/2025 11:10

Well, I would just ensure you leave his washing until the very last - as surely with those towels you will need to put a cleaner in the machine before you start on your own. You won't have time to do his as well - hope there's nothing he really wants to wear any time soon! 😏

Tortycatlover · 30/06/2025 08:49

Just prioritise washing your’s and the chn’s clothes. Leave his and when he has nothing to wear in the morning, he will understand why clothes laundry needs to be a priority.

Biffies · 30/06/2025 03:49

Aw come on.....he's a man. You should be grateful the dogs haven't dirtied the car😜

Muddlingalongsomehow · 29/06/2025 20:14

I would not normally want to do this "poor me". But I was blissfully married for 41 years to the most lovely beautiful eccentric clever man who liked doing the washing and sorting it (couldn't cook but did loads of practical stuff) and tomorrow it is six months since he died of a brain tumour and I miss him more and more every day. And I am really fucking sick of sorting and putting my own washing away, and honestly, if he were here to put on towels, sheets, socks or a sodding duvet tonight, I would thank every lucky star and moon in the sky. Honestly, I sometimes read posts on here and wonder how people survive these marriages where they get so pissy with each other over nothing at all.

MaddestGranny · 29/06/2025 20:04

Dear @AmyDudley , I've found that countering with a very quick sample (10-20seconds) - on full volume, of course - of something like The Hallelujah Chorus or Mahler's 8th Symphony usually gets the point across 😅, i.e. that annoying noise travels in all directions.
Of course, if you want to be really annoying, then it has to be Wagner - at greater length. 😂

Spotify is your friend.

CommonAsMucklowe · 29/06/2025 19:16

legyeleven · 28/06/2025 10:06

Very irritating but now laundry is his job. You go to shops and visit your mother. He sorts the rest of the washing

Yes! This has tickled me 😆

LindorDoubleChoc · 29/06/2025 12:56

Reading some of the posts on this thread makes me think we've been transported back to the 1950s. I'm quite literally astonished that there are adults who don't know how to use a washing machine.

DedododoDedadada · 29/06/2025 11:52

Charliemcgee123 · 28/06/2025 18:53

Sound like a miserable household full of moaning and contempt for unimportant things

You know nothing

Petitchat · 29/06/2025 10:48

elm26 · 28/06/2025 19:20

It baffles me! I wouldn’t think twice about it, my DH is helpful when it comes to washing and hanging to dry and I’m grateful for that 😂

On the other hand, I wouldn’t be having guests to stay the day after I got back from holiday.

Why on earth are you "grateful" for an adult doing a normal adult thing, like laundry?

Why doesn't your DH do the washing and YOU "help"?

Where does this mindset come from?
Where it is the woman's job to do the washing and the man just "helps" ?

A lifetime of brainwashing and copying our mothers, I expect...

Mymanyellow · 29/06/2025 06:03

ThisOldThang · 28/06/2025 17:32

I can't imagine being in a relationship that's so controlling you're not allowed to use the household appliances. How weird.

I’m not in a relationship. Maybe the two things are connected. 😀

RhododendronFlowers · 28/06/2025 22:29

Highsmithery · 28/06/2025 20:31

We have 2 dishwashers. One is in the utility room and gets used when we have friends round, or host a few for dinner. It’s so useful.

You must have loads of cutlery and crockery.

redskydelight · 28/06/2025 20:52

Zombiefluff · 28/06/2025 18:55

@redskydelight can I suggest staying in places that have washing machines, and washing it (or most of it) before you come home?

This is the only thing more depressing than the OP’s outlook.

Why depressing? That people don't wash by hand?
Or that they'd rather spend 2 minutes putting some dirty washing in the washing machine, rather than deal with it when they get home in conjunction with sorting out going back to work etc?

Highsmithery · 28/06/2025 20:31

UnPetitCochon · 28/06/2025 20:12

No, but when the extension gets done I am getting another one for when we entertain.

We have 2 dishwashers. One is in the utility room and gets used when we have friends round, or host a few for dinner. It’s so useful.

ClarityofVision · 28/06/2025 20:31

You both left your cases in the car overnight?! Around here there is a reasonable chance they would have been nicked. Mainly because all the stuff people leave in their cars make it worth the thieves' while to constantly be trying cars.
Why wouldn't you bring your cases in when you got home? YA-both-BU.

UnPetitCochon · 28/06/2025 20:12

theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 28/06/2025 18:04

But do you also have 2 dishwashers??

No, but when the extension gets done I am getting another one for when we entertain.

purplehair1 · 28/06/2025 20:03

Perfect - you leave him to crack on with the washing then as you have other jobs to do.

elm26 · 28/06/2025 19:20

RhododendronFlowers · 28/06/2025 18:08

Nor me. Do you think adults in relationships actually behave like this?

It baffles me! I wouldn’t think twice about it, my DH is helpful when it comes to washing and hanging to dry and I’m grateful for that 😂

On the other hand, I wouldn’t be having guests to stay the day after I got back from holiday.