Reception class allocation

I promise you this won’t be a thing after week one. I worried in a similar fashion and my child made a bunch of new friends pretty much immediately plus the classes mix together often anyone so I’m sure they’ll see their friends at play time and probably afternoons when the learning is more informal.

He’ll be fine. Neither of my kids (one sociable, one shy) knew any other kids when they started school & both made friends.

My child isn’t with her ‘bestie’ they both survived. Your reaction can make a big difference here. It’s not too late to be bright and excited. My DC is completely unbothered now and looks forward to seeing her at lunch breaks etc. They’re still best of friends.

Oh really?

Theres about 3 soft plays around here that do a meet and greet for the local primary schools on set days. The school gave us a leaflet. Its definitely a nice way to introduce the kids and parents.

Op??

You’ve made it worse by telling him that all his friends will be in the other class. It is not the end of the world he can still see them during play time outside the classroom and he will make new friends. You should help your child be independent and happy in a new environment and not rely on familiar faces to feel happy.

We were in this situation last year. DD moved from school nursery to reception. They put the 3 girls she plays with including her best friend in the other class. These 4 girls all started the same week as oddly they actually all have a birthday within 9 days and they even share a birthday party.

I would have been fine if just one of them was with my daughter. I asked for a meeting with the nursery teacher and she actually said that my daughter and her best friend don't play that much together and my daughter plays with lots of children as she is very sociable. However every day both girls always said they only played with each other. They refused to change it so we had to roll with it.

DD has been fine but her and her best friend are together for phonics and maths as they both work at a similar level. Both classes are in one big class and there is a lot of shared activities. However year 1 is looming and I think the classrooms are more separate and we have not yet been told the classes.

Children are very adaptable and DD has been fine but I get your upset. I was close to tears to think DD had been separated from her lovely group of friends and I'm pretty Stoic about most things. DDs best friends mother was also upset about it. I hope it works out ok for you x

You are making this worse for him.

My DS starts also starts reception in September. None of the other children from his nursery are going to the same school. He doesn’t know anyone there and I don’t know any of the parents either.

I’ve told him it is going to be exciting making new friends and he thinks it’s great.

At that age they will take their lead from you. Talk about the positives and they’ll follow suit.

We are all really looking forward to September and becoming part of a new community. DS just wants to know how many of his classmates will want to play football with him!

Stop telling your son to be upset that his classmates from nursery will not be with him next year. You don’t need to remind him and you don’t need to keep discussing the subject.

focus on the excitement of moving to reception and stop discussing the other children.

I think your feelings of apprehension around this are really normal and understandable. and I agree that mentioning this to your son at this stage and referencing it again is not likely to help him. He's more likely to be fearful, which is a shame.

For what it's worth my son started in reception having moved to our village only a few months before. He'd left all his close friends at nursery 20 minutes down the road and moved into a small village school where 90% of the kids in reception already knew eachother. I was definitely nervous as my son was also quiet and sensitive, but I have to say he flourished. Made new friends really quickly and is very happy there.

Friendships are not firm and fixed at nursery. They ebb and flow at school too. You have now got the whole of summer to let go of this. Try and say nothing more. Come Sept be positive. There must be plenty more dc to play with. My DD was “friends” with older dc at nursery and they all disappeared to school(in those days at Easter) and she went into YR the following Christmas. There was one child she played with occasionally in her class. It was no issue at all. Other friends soon were made but you need to be proactive in inviting dc round to play too.

My daughter started in reception with two friends from nursery. She’s in Year 1 now and one has left and moved 300 miles away and she rarely plays with the other one. It won’t make any difference.

This happened to my son. I spoke to nursery teachers, they explained they felt his friendship group were too overpowering and he wasn't gaining independence. He's still friends with those kids (now in y6) and has absolutely thrived. I remember crying at the teacher who was really kind but firm and was completely right, I did see her recently and told her. School sees things we don't as parents.

I went through this with one of my children. They were put in a class with none of their friends (not reception but a few years later). They were really upset and we did speak to the school. They agreed to see how it went and if after a few weeks my child was still upset they would re-evaluate the allocation.

My child stayed in the class they were originally given. They saw their friends at playtimes and made new friends in their class. This happens a lot in schools and I have had it at the start of secondary too. But everyone it's been fine. I wouldn't concentrate on the fact he won't be with his friends but instead that they have an exciting start to school and they will see their friends at playtime etc

It would be “telling” nothing except what is and isn’t the governor’s business.

Sounds like you're making it worse.

Never heard of this!!

I wouldn't have told him. You should have been making starting reception a positive experience explaining the exciting new things happening. All you have done is given him anxiety.

YABVVVVVVU and creating an issue where there likely would not have been one.
Why on earth would any parent tell their dc that, let alone continually remind them, setting up some sort of expectation of sadness rather than what good parents do which is talking to their child about all the new and exciting things about something that is going to happen ?

You were sad and anxious and you have made sure your son is sad and anxious too by constantly reminding him he won't be in the same class as his friends. Why would you do that to your child? And then ask others together kind to you when you ask for an opinion. Please just stop upsetting your child, projecting your own anxieties on to him is an awful thing to do.

Don't keep reminding your son. He has 2.5 months until he starts and he will see them in the playground and possibly in the classroom, as Reception is often free-flow. You have asked 3 times now. Tbh asking once was enough! To move him they would likely have to move another child, plus set a precedent and have others asking.

Strong friendships can be tricky. See threads on here quite often from parents asking for advice where a child has fixated on one child as their bestie and won’t let them play with another child. Or one child is devastated that their bestie has now chosen another child to be their bestie.

Much better to have a group of good friends rather than specific individuals as besties as that is when friendship dramas start

Why on earth have you even brought this to his attention?! He could have gone into this with a totally different mindset, I wouldn't have even told him.

Your overthinking and own sadness and anxiousness is rubbing off on him. Ive barely spoke to my son about starting reception in September other than to say a few excited words about it. Just chill out a bit and have a bit of faith in your son, yourself and the schools settling in process. Not a single child from my child's nursery is going to his new school, its never occurred to me to make a big thing about it. Kids are tough you know. He will be fine x

Yanbu

I really would beg the school to put him with his friends. It’s one thing going to a new school along; it’s another being separated from your friends . I’d find that so upsetting.

By no means all kids make friends straight alway. My ds has taken two years to get a good group of friends; he still constantly tells me his best friend is his best friend from nursery (honestly they were like twin brothers, they were so close, but sadly in different catchments so not at the same school now).