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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask how to deal with frustrating team members at work?

31 replies

roamingcat · 28/06/2025 07:18

Hi all,

I'm posting here for traffic. I am a high performer at work and generally have no issues with the work day to day - my one big issue is my ability to deal with other team mates/colleagues. I find it really challenging when other people don't pull their weight, or do things which are frustrating.

The frustration builds up and I find it hard to let go, which then ultimately only ends up hurting me or in some cases has resulted in a bit of an explosion towards the person (eeek, I'm not proud of it!). I would love to be able to let this type of thing go more easily but how do I do so? I just find it so hard when others aren't performing to the same level I am and I know this is a development area for me.

OP posts:
Titasaducksarse · 28/06/2025 07:45

I totally understand your feelings on this, having been in this post myself.
I'm much better now at managing my emotions around it. I still get frustrated but ultimately think I'm on my path and they're on theirs. Hard work always shines through and my boss knows what I do so the win of that is I'm very much just left to get on with it.

The only time it was really difficult was when a former manager seemed to favour the under performers in the team. Piling more and more on those of us who achieved but falling for every sob story from others. I eventually put my foot down and refused to do all the extras he wanted. He ended up leaving, as I knew he would and current manager is much more fair in division of work.

BadAmbassador · 28/06/2025 07:37

The way you work sounds exactly like my team so I understand exactly how it must be impacting you.

BadAmbassador · 28/06/2025 07:36

This exact scenario is happening in my team right now - not involving me- and it really affects the whole dynamic of the team. Best to find a way to address it, directly or indirectly via your line manager. We also had the resentful outburst happen - in a Teams meeting - and both parties involved found it very upsetting.

Thingsthatgo · 28/06/2025 07:29

YANBU. I work in a creative place where the more people put the effort, the better the small business thrives. Which means it is more likely to survive any problems and we all get bonuses/pay rises. Sometimes it feels like I’m the only one doing any damn work and it can be so frustrating. I am trying to be more zen about it though, and my boss knows what’s going on - so my bonus will be bigger than anyone else’s.

Original poster
roamingcat · 28/06/2025 07:26

Agix · 28/06/2025 07:22

You're too focused on your colleagues and on the "not performing as well as you". Are you trying to focus so intensely on their bad areas to make yourself feel better?

I'm not trying to focus on it - the problem is due to the nature of our work, my role is shared with a couple of other people. If they don't do things or do them properly I have to pick them up! If it didn't impact me I wouldn't mind as much.

A couple of recent examples have included people literally refusing to help with tasks, which I then had to do. Or someone scheduling an important meeting when I wasn't there and not giving me an opportunity to feed in my views and then being adamant they didn't exclude me. So it's when their behaviour impacts me, rather than me being frustrated about things which are nothing to do with me.

OP posts:
Agix · 28/06/2025 07:22

You're too focused on your colleagues and on the "not performing as well as you". Are you trying to focus so intensely on their bad areas to make yourself feel better?