Friend didn’t wish me a happy birthday

Have you even read any the thread, even just the opening post? 🤦‍♀️

Yes, I would also be hurt about lack of text to wish happy birthday. Only takes seconds to send a text. It just shows that you care.

Do you feel that lack of text is indicative of her not making much effort generally or is it unusual for her not to message you to wish you a happy birthday on the day?

Maybe her way of saying happy birthday was talking about the gift and she thought she wished you? I don’t think someone who was mean or horrible would intentionally not wish you but go to the trouble of getting you a gift?

What smacks of 'passive aggressive'? The friend spoke to the birthday princess the day before, told them they've got her a present and will give it to her next time she sees her. She hasn't forgotten her birthday, and tbh even if she did, in the words of a previous poster, this person is 30 not 3.

I'd also be upset because these little actions and remembering these things shows care and thought.

Yes I’d find it hurtful if a close friend didn’t text me happy birthday. It’s the small thoughtful things that make a friendship. No point buying a present for you if she can’t be bothered to wish you a happy birthday or deliver the present to you on or around your birthday.

I'd be a bit miffed but otherwise let it go.

Some people feel it's really important that others contact them on the day, others don't. I have one friend who always remembers but on the wrong date! It's not the end of the world.

Last week I woke up and remembered that it was a close friend's birthday.
"I must message her today" I thought. Then stuff happened, then the day was over, and I've just remembered now. I should have just done it while I was thinking about it but my phone was downstairs. I hate when I do that.

This wouldn't bother me, but it does bother you, and that's the point isn't it. If it makes your day to have your mates wish you happy birthday on the actually day, than just tell them that. People aren't mind readers and everyone is different.

She's probably thought nothing of it, and I expect if you'd phoned or texted her on the day you would've got a happy birthday message back. Maybe I'm assuming here but did you just wait for the message or call to arrive and not reach out yourself first, because it's your birthday so the onus is on your family and friends to make more of an effort on that one day?

It's not unreasonable but equally not everyone thinks like that and if they don't know that you do think like that then you are going to end up disappointed as you have been. Easy to change it, just tell her.

This would bother me, OP. Hope you had a lovely day anyway.

Or she had a busy day, kept forgetting to message, then thought that it was too late.
She might have had a medical appointment, or had a bit of a crisis, or someone else she knew did and she didn't want to drag your birthday down, so didn't phone.
Did you go out for lunch etc with someone else? Could she had thought you'd be busy and didn't want to take up your time? It would be rude to phone if you were out to dinner etc.

But why conclude it’s “passive aggression”? It’s quite a leap. Not everyone is as odd as your sister.

Does she know how much this matters to you? Have you told her that you get upset if people don’t wish you happy birthday on the actual day, regardless of how much effort they may have out into choosing and buying you a present? If not, you’re being extraordinarily unreasonable for expecting people to read your mind.

She;s mentioned she has a present for you!!!! Goodness me, what else do you want? You need to forget about this, not dwell on it.

She's clearly assumed that wishing you Happy Birthday is redundant - she'll do so when she sees you to give you a present.

You are being way oversensitive here. What else is going on? A normal person really wouldn't be bothered so much by this, especially to go so far as to write a long post on a website about it ... a normal person would say "oh, that's odd, but she must have a lot going on" laugh & shrug it off.

I think you’re overthinking it. She probably just thinks she’s done it because she's messaged you about the present, and hasn’t realised she didn’t say anything on the actual day.

If she cares enough about you to buy you a present, I don’t see what you think this lack of a message means.

I would message a good friend on their birthday but it may be she thinks she's acknowledged your birthday and will give you a birthday card so doesn't need to message as well

This would upset me too and I’ve had this happen many times. I’m very good at remembering everyone’s birthdays but… I accept that some of those people just aren’t and they don’t remember. Doesn’t mean they don’t care about me though…! The way I try to look at it now being a bit older and possibly wiser is to try to focus more on the people who DID remember and not focus on the people who didn’t. Try to be positive rather than negative. I find that helps me these days.

Are you being deliberately obtuse?

I don’t enjoy a fuss on my birthday (prefer it go by quietly) but I can see how it’s upsetting for OP when her and friend speak every day but her friend goes silent on OP’s birthday,

It reminds me of my sister who used to deliberately pick a fight a few days before my birthday so that she wouldn’t have to say HB or get me a card/present.

Does she usually send you a message on your birthday every year? I would also be a little hurt as I’ve got everyone’s birthdays on my calendar and make sure to send a message on the day. However I understand that people might forget or not be very organised. Either she somehow forgot on the actual day then didn’t want to send a belated one or she doesn’t feel it’s important to send you a message on your actual birthday. Either because no one normally does for her or she thinks it’s less important with age. You know her the best and usually our gut is right. You could ask her, pretend not to be bothered or do the same for her birthday. If you do the same for her birthday and she gets upset about it then you know it was done on purpose. If she isn’t bothered then you know it’s not important to her and she sees the conversation the day before and telling you she got you a gift as the main message I guess wishing you a happy birthday.

She forgot. It really isn't a big deal.

Just do the same on her birthday.

It's always hurtful to think you've been overlooked but honestly I don't think it was intentional. Your friend did speak to you the day before and let you know she had a gift so in her head she probably thinks she's done it.

Im with you OP. This would hurt a little, as you say she didnt forget as she mentioned it the day before. Id be hurt that someone who's supposed to be your friend couldnt take 30 seconds out of their day to message. No point posting about it on MN though, for some reason most people on here seem to have a competition about how unbothered they would be about being forgotten. Its like the worse your memory, the more excuse you have to be a shitty person. Anyone heard of a calendar or reminder on your phone. I couldn't treat people like that.

What? Not sending a text is passive aggressive now?!

@99dietpepsi so every other person you know contacted you?

If you are hurt for something like that so much as to write in here… pls remember you live a very happy and privileged life!