Friend didn’t wish me a happy birthday

I think she probably considers that she has wished you happy birthday by messaging you the day before. She has let you know that she has got you a present (i.e. she hasn’t forgotten about it). Maybe she knew she had a lot on on the day itself so sent the message in advance to be organised, not realising it would upset you.

I can barely remember my own birthday. She’s just forgetful. She got you a gift so she cares about you. So don’t worry about it.

It sounds weird but I'd be upset about a childhood friend forgetting my birthday much more than I would a friend I'd made in adulthood. Birthdays used to be so much more important when you were young and I never forget them. You have lots of shared memories of celebrating so it seems more poignant.

You dont care you mean.

Most friends do care and should care.

She's been clear that she remembered your birthday in advance and went out to specifically get you a present.

For heaven's sake- is that not enough effort?

What kind of friend is constantly in contact but fails to send a quick 'HB' message? I don't know how anyone can think that isn't strange and actually, goading. It has happened before so seems deliberate. Very odd.

YANBU, OP.

This is a communication style thing - she's acknowledged your birthday. Some people emphasize doing that on the day. A lot (more of the people I know) don't.

Don't assume she doesn't care because she doesn't express that care the same way you do. You can see on the thread - humans don't all act the same on this. Live and let live and you'll be happier.

When you insist people should do things exactly the way you do, you're putting unnecessary pressure on them and storing up problems. I had a friend who used to get angry if I hadn't contacted her by a particular time on her birthday. I had a lot of difficult stuff on when she kicked off about it one year. I haven't felt the same about her since, though I'll try. It feels like being somebody's punch bag, like you can never do enough for them, and you can never relax for fear of upsetting them. It's a lot to put on people, OP

We spoke briefly yesterday morning which is when she mentioned she had a gift for me and that she would give it to me the next time we see each other

It hasn’t got lost in the post the friend spoke to her about the gift and told her the day before that she would give it to her when she next sees her

You know she has got you a present - maybe it has got lost in the post. The lack of a message - in addition - is completely irrelevant.

My friend and I actually have a little game where we do our absolute best to hide any evidence of said birthday, only to make each other crap when the inevitable happens and we forget. It's hilarious 🤷🏼‍♀️😂

Maybe because she acknowledged your birthday the day before she considered that enough,?

I have two friends of 40+ years whose birthdays are lodged in my brain (along with their child hood phone numbers) but even so I have occasionally forgot to message although I always send a card. Other friends I don’t do cards with I only seem to remember if I go on Facebook or someone posts in a group chat.

But you have absolutely no idea what the friend expects from OP or what effort she has made.

I would honestly be so embarrassed if people felt that I HAD to be remembered on my birthday. it would feel so unnecessarily needy. Perhaps as a teenager or very young adult it might seem important. But as an adult there are so many more important things in the world to think about. The state of the world, family members getting sick, friends getting sick, friends suffering with their mental health, children, work stresses, money worries. My Birthday is irrelevant. If a friend bought me a gift, and gave it to me weeks later, I’d be so overwhelmed with happiness and gratitude for even featuring in their lives. I simply can’t imagine feeling that they HAD to message me on my birthday. My mother is that person, and now I feel panicky when I have to speak to her, for fear of what I might have done ‘wrong’ (and I’ve actually always remembered her birthday, but sometimes she just gets angry that I didn’t say the ‘right’ thing). I never want to be that person. I think your friend loves you. They bought you a gift after all. Please don’t fall into the trap of being so needy you require a specific message on a specific day.

This would only bother me if it was family.

I think she probably considers this to be her wishing you a happy birthday.

Even if I’m seeing my friends later I always birthday text them in the morning. It’s not hard and shows people you care. All these forgetfulness excuses too, just set a reminder on your phone.

@BettyCrockerClinic I’d ditch a ‘friend’ who expected lots of effort from me but gave none in return. My response was to the nasty replies on here which I suspect are from those types of people.

I also had a ‘friend’ who would ask for certain things for her birthday but only spend a third of the cost on everyone else. So yeah, it depends, all things considered.

I would be irritated too and frankly find it odd that she bought a gift but could not be bothered to send a text? And it's not as if you guys are meeting on your birthday or near, so it is strange. Perhaps she isn't as close a friend as you thought.

You’d ditch a friend you speak to every day - and who has actually acknowledged your birthday - over one missed text?

She told you she’d got you a present - isn’t that acknowledging your birthday?

I find the whole ‘must text or post on SM saying happy birthday’ a box ticking exercise that means very little in reality.

Its certainly not something I’d stress over.

its really not a biggie. It’s interesting though that you reacted last time it happened, which was enough to make her ask if everything was OK - you must have made her aware that you were pissed off about something. Honestly, as adults it’s really not a big thing. She will no doubt say happy birthday when she sees you and hands over the present. Don’t be a tit and be ungracious.

There’s a lot of nasty replies on this thread and I strongly suspect it’s from people who expect everyone to run around for their birthdays but can’t be arsed to make an effort for anyone else. What a bunch of selfish bastards the UK has turned into.

OP I had a friend who was just the same. So I stopped making an effort for her birthday. She didn’t like it but tough shit. Let people like this go, they’re not worth it.

Of course I wouldnt be upset, I'm an adult.
Birthdays only really matter for children & close family.

It's immature to be peeved about friends not wishing you a happy birthday once you've passed the age of 18.

It wouldn't bother me, as I don't celebrate my birthday and don't tend to wish people "Happy Birthday" (apart from my DTs, who are 7).
But, there is nowt wrong with you for feeling upset, if it's something that's important to you.
💚

Could it be that something has happened that prevented her from texting?

opposite situation but I ignored countless messages that were texted and sent on social media to me one year on my birthday. Didn’t ‘like’ or ‘heart’ or thank or reply to a single one of them - why ? Because I was a horrible, ungrateful friend?????? No - I was unconscious in intensive care.

shit happens - It might be that you weren’t her biggest priority that day - people forget…

probably not worth getting too stressed over it though.