Woman on holiday? AIBU?

Your son was trying to make her feel better which was lovely. Horrible of her mother to be like that and maybe have a talk to your daughter about feelings etc but I get she just laughed along with something an adult said (but needs to know it really wasn’t ok)

Awkward situation. If you tell your dd off, you are confronting the mother. If you weren't prepared to do that (I wouldn't have been either, with a family I hardly know and in front of my children), all I can say is your son is a kind boy and you should start avoiding this family from now on. You can't rescue the daughter by hanging around and I wouldn't want to know someone who treated their child like this.

Why did you need to say she is an only child?

Horrible mother.

Wow you have children and bring them up badly mannered

how do you know what this young child is going through she’s comfort eating and that can be for any reason

I grew up watching my dad beat my mum up a lot badly I developed anoxreia anxiety and depression then chronic IBS as my childhood

sad to read how you can’t see past weight and why the child is bigger than you feel expectable

As someone who got bullied for being a fat child, including by adults - you should have corrected your daughter immediately. You said Sarah was upset - did you say anything nice to her, or console her in any way?
What was the reaction of the grown men in this story? I assume the mother doesn’t connect the fact that her parents are responsible for her diet and activity levels with the daughter’s weight… She sounds like a nasty bitch and I wouldn’t be hanging out with them again.

Your son sounds like a sweetheart though. Shame about the rest of you.

And to add and has probably been said, no your child didn't acknowledge what the mam said, he sided with the girl cos he has had the same thing said to him and like her, no one did anything about it. Look at your own house before you try to shame others

Totally agree, you're all awful in this story. No scene to be caused, correct your child, tell the mam she's horrible, pay your share and leave. Also speak with your daughter about how she speaks to others, 6 years of age should have some semblance of how not to hurt feelings and this is an easy one to point out.

I abhor bullies and those who stand by watching it happen. The other mum is a bully and you and the other adults just watched it happen.
To a defenceless 9 year old girl who was visibly upset. Yet you didn’t want to ‘cause a scene’. This is just shocking and shame on all of you.
I would have focused on Sarah and said, ‘well I think you are beautiful. You have gorgeous thick hair/lovely blue eyes/gorgeous smile and you should be very proud of who you are’. And then glared at the mother.
One day Sarah might remember that pivotal moment an adult stood up for her. I guess it won’t be today though.

So, she's horrible to her 9yo but you've also come on here and been horrible about your 9yo...

What an awful mother. She’s the one providing the food for the daughter!

The mother is not your responsibility, however your daughter is - I would expect in this situation to correct her and to say something like we don't say things like that darling, that's not very kind.
hopefully by you correcting your daughter that would also help the woman realise how unfair she is being!! Some people can be so mean! The poor little girl and well done to your son for showing some empathy.

There are a bunch of problems and concerns here:

1. You did not correct your child when she made fun of another child for being fat, and you did not intervene to correct the "drunk mum" for being a bully and encouraging your young child to be a bully;
2. You did not step in to immediately end the "new family friendship" with a toxic woman who had no issue getting drunk around her own kids and calling her 9 year old child fat??!!
3. You are the kind of person who thinks it's okay to mention a 9 year old's "breast" material?!?!?! What on earth does that have to do with anything in your story???!!! You could have simply said that the child was overweight without making any comments whatsoever about her chest area! Yikes!
4. It seems to only have occurred to you after a number of issues that the woman was "toxic"...any mother who makes fun of their own child for being fat is toxic. Any mother who says nasty things about their 9 year old child and makes them upset is toxic.
5. You could see that the 9 year old girl was upset and you did nothing to console her, or to tell your child to apologise for making fun of her.
6. You allowed your children to continue to interact with a woman who you don't know well at all (you only just met them), got drunk at lunch (!!!), started saying horrible things about their own child - and involved your child in that unkindness.
7. You seem to be upset with your son for consoling the poor 9 year old girl because he mentioned the truth (that his own sister has made fun of him for being "fat") but did not say anything about the girls own mother saying something (he's 9 years old!!! He's likely too scared to say anything about another adult!!!). What a very odd reaction!! What you should have done is a) be proud that your 9 year old son tried to console a visibly upset child (something that you should have done yourself!) and b) been concerned that it seems that one of your children is fat-shaming the other.

From the way you've worded your account of what happened it seems pretty clear that you don't like fat people either. If that's your personal opinion then so be it. But your children deserve better: they need to know that bullying isn't acceptable, either if they are the target of bullying, or if they are the one doing the bullying. It seems you need to do a better job of policing the kinds of adults you let your children spend time with. That woman was not an appropriate person to be spending time with. I feel terribly sorry for her little girl and I hope she has other people in her family (grandparents/aunties etc) who love her, don't bully her, and don't get drunk at lunchtime when they should be looking after her!

The mother is responsible for letting her daughter get in that state - so she is guilty of that first and foremost, so she should not be making nasty comments.
Your daughter was not nice - being 6 does not excuse that.

Poor Sarah

Well so did you. You didn't speak up.

Jesus Christ, she’s SIX. And perhaps more pertinently - not the child’s fucking mother!!

6 is plenty old enough not to be calling people fat or laughing at bullies, if this was an isolated incident then okay, but your daughter clearly is doing this to her brother too.

You need to nip this in the bud so she doesn't turn into a bully.
(It absolutely starts at that age. I have worked in schools for years and followed children's behaviour as they get older. It's often consistent.)

Secondly, that mum is disgusting. I feel terrible for Sarah and she will likely develop disordered eating because her mum will give her horrendous food issues. She is cruel rather than subtly introducing more exercise and alternative food options.

Although at 9, unless seriously overweight, it's normal to be a bit chubby. Especially as girls can get their periods at that age. They often go out before going up.

I don't like how you seemed to expect your son to do something else in this situation. He did exactly what he could, he showed empathy and tried to make a little girl feel better. It also showed you, there'd bullying going on under your own roof.

If your daughter gets a pass for just trying to please an adult then your son also shouldn't be expected to confront a strange adult when you were too cowardly/shy/reserved/people pleasing to do it yourself.

Sarah probably would have remembered you sticking up for her for the rest of her life.

Your son is the only one who comes out of this with any credit so I've no idea why you said he failed to acknowledge the mother.

Why should he?

Agree with you and actually I can't believe this post is real.
The OP keeps referring to the child as "Fat", writes short replies; no regrets about not saying anything herself or having a discussion with her husband afterwards...Just odd!
If ths is REAL, then sadly I bet that the poor child is being abused in other ways too. Don't think social services would be interested with nothing else to add, but I'd be really concerned for the child.

Maisie is the 6yo, I think. (Sometimes I have to get a piece of paper and draw circles to keep track of the characters in AIBU stories!)

What an absolutely horrible woman.

Your children are behaving very age appropriate. Your son is very empathetic and your daughter is 6. Please talk to them about this one, talking about someone's appearance is hurtful and rude and two, you're proud of your son for empathizing with Sarah and trying to help her three, an adult should not be hurting a child like this.

Poor poor Sarah. Can you talk to her? Or at least let her know there are people she can talk to like school or Childline. She is being abused and what her mother is doing is wrong.

Then this woman. Look her in the eye and tell her she's abusive and that's unacceptable. If anything she won't hang out with you anymore

Absolutely nobody would bother to do this, they would just deal with their own child’s unkindness. Imagine rocking up at this school reporting some mum fat shamed her child, not even on school grounds