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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Woman on holiday? AIBU?

187 replies

Gogoea · 27/06/2025 18:58

We’re currently on holiday in Spain and got to know another family. Their daughter is the same age as my son - 9. We also have a 6 year old daughter.

Their other family’s 9 year old - I’ll call her Sarah - is visibly overweight/fat with breast growth. She’s an only child.

When were on a trip to another town yesterday the other mum got tipsy and said at lunch - all 7 of us were on the same table - and the mum pointed to an elephant in a book my daughter was reading and said “Sarah’s as fat as that”. -

My daughter giggled and repeated it and I could see Sarah’s face and she was very upset.

A bit later on Sarah still looked upset and wasn’t really interacting at all and her mum sharpiy snd curtly (about my daughter - let’s call her Maisie) said to Sarah;

”look she’s TRYING to make friends with you”.

As we all walked back to the bus stop - my 9 year old son said to Sarah -

“Don’t worry, Maisie (his sister) has called me fat as well”

in other words, my 9 year old DS failed to acknowledge Sarah’s mother’s fault in all this?

AIBU to now have realised that Sarah’s mum is a rancid toxic bitch?

How can someone be like that to their own 9 year old child?

OP posts:
Gogoea · 28/06/2025 19:48

Lincslady53 · 28/06/2025 19:46

And that's why we keep ourselves to ourselves on holiday. We had a similar experience 40 odd years ago, abd have avoided mingling ever since

VERY wise tbh !!!

OP posts:
Lincslady53 · 28/06/2025 19:46

And that's why we keep ourselves to ourselves on holiday. We had a similar experience 40 odd years ago, abd have avoided mingling ever since

JayJayj · 28/06/2025 19:35

I voted YABU because I can’t see if you or your husband corrected your daughter in the moment?!

I can understand how some people won’t want to call out another adults behaviour towards their children but I’m someone who doesn’t give a shit and would definitely have said something.

Teddy1949 · 28/06/2025 19:28

Gogoea · 28/06/2025 19:26

Exactly. Sorry you had this ❤️

Thank you. I wish people would realise the effect a single remark can have and only make positive comments.

Gogoea · 28/06/2025 19:26

Teddy1949 · 28/06/2025 19:23

When I was that age I was taller than my friends and an adult said to all and sundry that I looked like an elephant sucking an ice cube when I had an ice lolly. That was nearly 70 years ago, that poor child will never forget that remark.

Exactly. Sorry you had this ❤️

OP posts:
Teddy1949 · 28/06/2025 19:23

When I was that age I was taller than my friends and an adult said to all and sundry that I looked like an elephant sucking an ice cube when I had an ice lolly. That was nearly 70 years ago, that poor child will never forget that remark.

Gogoea · 28/06/2025 13:10

murasaki · 28/06/2025 13:03

I wouldn't have been happy about my son heading off with with that awful woman.

I agree but this was before the lunch table shenanigans

OP posts:
Dweetfidilove · 28/06/2025 13:08

The lot of you could learn decency and empathy from your dear 9 yo boy.

That mom is awful, but given your daughter calls Sarah and her brother the same thing makes me think you're not so wonderful yourself.

Confused Dog GIF by MOODMAN
murasaki · 28/06/2025 13:03

I wouldn't have been happy about my son heading off with with that awful woman.

MrsTWH · 28/06/2025 13:02

Why not ask your son what she said to him?

newfriend05 · 28/06/2025 12:52

Your son was the only one in this whole scenario who acted with kindness.. that little girl has a very toxic mother .. and you need to take a lesson from your son

Gogoea · 28/06/2025 12:51

As regards my earlier post - I’ve got no proof that the mother said to my son Sarah was spoilt - literally just my instinct

OP posts:
Gogoea · 28/06/2025 12:48

AngelicKaty · 28/06/2025 12:35

Then you ABSOLUTELY need to stand up for "Sarah". Start by asking her bitch of a mother who's "spoiling" her DD? Honestly, some people just shouldn't be allowed to have children and this bitch and her DH are two of them. 🙄

Exactly she’s not at all spoilt - quite the opposite.

As Sarah’s an only child, far from being spoilt she’s left to deal with a very tough situation on her own.

OP posts:
Gogoea · 28/06/2025 12:46

AngelicKaty · 28/06/2025 12:35

Then you ABSOLUTELY need to stand up for "Sarah". Start by asking her bitch of a mother who's "spoiling" her DD? Honestly, some people just shouldn't be allowed to have children and this bitch and her DH are two of them. 🙄

Thank you - you’re right

OP posts:
AngelicKaty · 28/06/2025 12:35

Gogoea · 28/06/2025 12:25

Thank you everyone again for your responses.

The mother had also on more than one occasion called Sarah ‘spoilt’ in front of us all including Sarah.

This is what I think the mother spoke to my 9 year old about in the hotel shop when she had a moment to speak with him on their own - she probably said something like “ you must excuse Sarah - she’s very spoilt.”
Then when she came back to the lounge said pointedly to my son in front of her daughter:

”Remember what we talked about Simon?”

  • it’s as if she was using my son to bitch about her daughter and in the lunch table incident using my daughter to bitch about her daughter. So my kids are being used, basically, to emotionally abuse Sarah.
Edited

Then you ABSOLUTELY need to stand up for "Sarah". Start by asking her bitch of a mother who's "spoiling" her DD? Honestly, some people just shouldn't be allowed to have children and this bitch and her DH are two of them. 🙄

Gogoea · 28/06/2025 12:25

Thank you everyone again for your responses.

The mother had also on more than one occasion called Sarah ‘spoilt’ in front of us all including Sarah.

This is what I think the mother spoke to my 9 year old about in the hotel shop when she had a moment to speak with him on their own - she probably said something like “ you must excuse Sarah - she’s very spoilt.”
Then when she came back to the lounge said pointedly to my son in front of her daughter:

”Remember what we talked about Simon?”

  • it’s as if she was using my son to bitch about her daughter and in the lunch table incident using my daughter to bitch about her daughter. So my kids are being used, basically, to emotionally abuse Sarah.
OP posts:
seven201 · 28/06/2025 10:45

The six year old was parroting the other mum, so wasn’t to blame, but does need reminding that it’s very hurtful. your 9 year old tried his best to make Sarah feel better - well done to him.

I think you’re probably feeling guilty for not saying anything in the moment. I think I probably would have been too shocked to think of what to say quickly enough, then the moment would have passed. I’m not a quick thinker generally. Then I’d be kicking myself for not standing up for that 9 year old girl and feeling awful about it. I think you either need to avoid them or address it. You weren’t the only adult who said nothing - your dh had the opportunity to speak but also didn’t.

Strangerthanfictions · 28/06/2025 10:08

Gogoea · 27/06/2025 19:04

Fair enough I should’ve said something

Yeah but it's not easy to tell your child off for something they've just copied off another adult, that might sound sanctimonious/passive aggressive so I understand why you didn't tell her off in the moment

Spirallingdownwards · 28/06/2025 09:07

Figcherry · 27/06/2025 20:48

People are overweight due to an excess of fat - hence fat.
It’s an adjective.
It’s unkind to use the word directly to the person themself but as a descriptor on MN we all know what op means.

Well I am glad that the vast majority of the people on the thread appear to have the same view as me.

ARingtoit · 28/06/2025 07:38

Your son is a kind boy. I would have corrected my daughter VERY sharply and told Sarah she is absolutely perfect as she is. Her mother sounds absolutely horrible and your daughter risks turning into an unkind girl/pick me type. Teach your daughter to be a girls' girl and she will be much happier for it.

Twoleggedhorse · 28/06/2025 07:37

Gogoea · 28/06/2025 07:29

Thank you.

This is excellent constructive advice

Agree, great advice

Twoleggedhorse · 28/06/2025 07:35

I'm sad all adults sat complicit and didn’t say a word to defend Sarah. That poor child walked away feeling awful but could instead have walked away feeling thought about and cared for.

Gogoea · 28/06/2025 07:29

morellamalessdrama · 28/06/2025 07:25

You have an opportunity to make a real difference here. Keep spending time together and use it to bolster Sarah’s self esteem. Compliment her, be extra kind, help her see that she’s a good person - as all children are - to help balance her awful mother.

At the end of the holiday you should speak to the mother and make it clear how damaging her behaviour is.

Thank you.

This is excellent constructive advice

OP posts:
morellamalessdrama · 28/06/2025 07:25

You have an opportunity to make a real difference here. Keep spending time together and use it to bolster Sarah’s self esteem. Compliment her, be extra kind, help her see that she’s a good person - as all children are - to help balance her awful mother.

At the end of the holiday you should speak to the mother and make it clear how damaging her behaviour is.

Gogoea · 28/06/2025 07:11

BangersAndGnash · 28/06/2025 06:51

Why did you need to say she is an only child?

Horrible mother.

I said she was an only child because I wanted to give an accurate context of how many kids were there

OP posts:
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