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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be fed up of fighting my hair?

87 replies

Vegwoes · 27/06/2025 17:04

So I have very wavy hair that seems to be porous by nature and fine. I like the colour (natural) and length (bra strap) and it is in good condition.
But!
It is so so sooo much hard work.

We live in a soft/moderately soft water area, yet when we travel further north to visit family and friends my hair instantly changes almost overnight. It becomes softer, shinier and forms lovely waves. My washing methods and products do not change, so it is clearly not those causing the issue.

1 week back at home and it is like a brillo pad in texture.

We have tried a shower filter, I have tried washing with bottled water, distilled water, to recreate whatever was going on further north, but nothing works. We have an expensive air con unit, a de-humidifier, the whole bloody thing. The house is well ventilated and I can't locate any immediate stressors.

No curly or wavy 'method' makes a difference, I am l loathe to spend any more money on endless new fangled wonder products that never actually do anything. Every time I research this online people insist on you buying more products or gadgets, that you are 'doing it wrong' but I am just weary as f at this point.
I have been trying to make the best of my natural hair for many years.
I suppose I am writing this because I have realised there is a kind of subtle pressure to embrace our natural hair. You have no idea what I have spent in this quest! I am coming to the conclusion that it can be more stressful than good! So I am wondering if anyone else ever just quit fighting it and went back to straightening for an easy life? Grin

I am on that verge, lol.

OP posts:
MixedBananas · 27/06/2025 20:34

My hair is much better in softer water. Hard water makes mynhaur wiry and brilo and suoer rough. I lived in the south west and now midwales and the water is so hard.

Original poster
Vegwoes · 27/06/2025 20:31

I guess I mean that if your hair is just generally shit, people can often make you feel as if you are doing it wrong. As if you just pay for this miracle potion it will all go away.
If I had a tooth that grew in oddly and affected my bite, I would get the bugger removed/repaired (money allowing). Likewise if my hair is a nightmare, it's time to take the path of least resistance.

OP posts:
Original poster
Vegwoes · 27/06/2025 20:27

I've spent literally HUNDREDS of pounds on every curly product around. You name it, I've tried it.

THIS.
Honestly so tired of it. I know people mean well but online it's usually more product recommendations that hardly ever work for everyone. Then there are the curly communities who are great if you follow the church, but if you can't be arse and go back to straightening they will tell you that you just need some new products...

I recall a few posts in one community where every single person gave me a different product to buy, one said it needed protein, the other said protein would harm it. One said get a satin pillow or sleep in a cap. None of it EVER worked.
Just noooooooooo.....

OP posts:
vipersnest1 · 27/06/2025 20:19

I’ve been fighting mine for years - fine but wavy. I’ve only just discovered it recently, but having my hair cut into longer layers has made a huge difference. I can now style it by using a diffuser after a curly mousse, making it into ringlets before dropping it into the diffuser. I then use an automatic curler and it gives me soft curls. Whilst I think it looks a bit messy I’ve had several compliments on it, and I can go longer between washes.
(I’m not a high hair-maintenance person by the way, so it doesn’t take me ages!)

ShittyHottie · 27/06/2025 20:12

Oh you could be me!

Every now and then, for no apparent reason, it dries into perfect ringlet curls. By the next day, it's back to being a brillo pad. I can never deliberately recreate the magic. I've spent literally HUNDREDS of pounds on every curly product around. You name it, I've tried it.

The best it's ever been was when I went camping and forgot my wash bag. Had to wash my hair with washing up liquid and then use cheapo silicone based serum and hair gel on it for the week. It was lovely all week. Tried the same stuff when I got home and nope, terrible results.

Even when it does dry into nice looking curls they feel crispy at the ends (and yes I've broken the cast etc, that's just how my hair is).

Original poster
Vegwoes · 27/06/2025 20:06

You know, I just googled this and it says the water in the areas that made my hair ok is the same as here at home.
Wonder if it's the plumbing!!??

Here is a pic of it when I was 'up north', still a bit fluffy but left to dry naturally.
I am also adding a pic of it dried naturally a few weeks later when i got home! The comparison is INSANE.

To be fed up of fighting my hair?
To be fed up of fighting my hair?
OP posts:
Shelby1981 · 27/06/2025 19:25

I’m thinking that the water up north is probably harder? And the things you’ve tried are making it softer (shower filter etc)

not sure if there’s a way to make it harder

Original poster
Vegwoes · 27/06/2025 18:04

I am tempted to go back to my glide heated brush. Anything that twists or snags my hair really fries the ends into crispy stalks.

Any fab heat protectants that really work?

OP posts:
Lmnop22 · 27/06/2025 17:52

My hair is naturally wavy and very thick and it’s the worst to make look nice naturally. And I live in the North! It might look good for one morning or day but never ever longer and usually by evening it’s an ever increasing candy floss cloud.

I just blow dry, straighten and/or curl my hair now. Or chuck it up. It was too much hard work!

Original poster
Vegwoes · 27/06/2025 17:49

Seriously. As soon as we approach Lancaster i can feel my strands sighing with joy Grin
Now would it become actually thick and glossy if I travelled to the most northern tip of Scotland?.....

OP posts:
Shesellsseashellsnotinmystreet · 27/06/2025 17:31

Well obviously you need to move.... Whenever I go to a Scottish island my hair transforms also.

Wish I could move there....

TheSandgroper · 27/06/2025 17:29

I sometimes spray my scalp with apple cider vinegar a few minutes before I get into the shower. My hair does come out softer after washing. I just use Dove.