To be fed up of fighting my hair?

I've got quite wavy/ curly hair (hence the name!) I don't even own a hair dryer, my kids think I live like the Flintstones.
One side of my hair is very wavy, the other side is more curly, BUT I'm a compulsive hair twiddler, and the side i twiddle is the very wavy side. When I wake up in the morning, curly side (that I sleep on) looks like a gorse bush, other side slightly better. I've tried silk coverings on the pillow, tying it up, clipping it into ringlets, whatever, makes no difference. I run a wet comb through it in the morning, twist it into ringlets and let it get on with it. Some days OK, some days meh. My fringe on the other hand- whole different story! It doesn't help that I have a cows- lick on one side, so I don't let my hairdresser cut my fringe as one side needs to be about 1/4 inch longer than the other so I do it myself. When it gets to a certain length (like last week) it was doing its "escape to the country", one side fine, the other side pointing forward into the distance, and nothing was going to make it lie flat (so I cut it, bastard fringe!).
I use Garnier honey shampoo and conditioner mostly, wash it every 2 or 3 days and hope for the best.
Mind you, a lady was very envious of my wavy hair and asked how I did it, did I use a crimper or something, very disappointed when I said it was natural!
Have you tried twisting it into ringlets and letting it dry naturally? I find the more I mess with mine the less it behaves, so I don't. Saves a fortune.

Mine has gone wavy as i've got older.
It's greasy on the scalp and dry at the ends. Similar in length to yours, but darker except for the grey bits.

I was pretty tired a couple of weeks back in the shower and accidentally picked up the shower gel instead of the shampoo.

Serously, it looked and felt amazing! (Radox pink one, with grapefruit and ginger, if you're interested).

I use it ever other time now, alternating with Elvive.

I would recommend the Wavy Hair Method by Charlotte Rich on Facebook. All the products are high street brands (my conditioner only costs £1!) and it’s really simple. I just wash, condition, scrunch either gel or foam into soaking wet hair and leave it to air dry. Could be worth a try?

Long, thick, curly hair here. Tried sooo many products over the years, every time I found something that worked it would be discontinued! Then someone told me their granny's secret.

Boil up flaxseed in a saucepan, about 4 to 1 water to seed. As it boils ( for about 5 mins) it releases a natural gel which you then sieve into a jar and let cool. Kept in the fridge, it lasts about a week to 10 days.

Total game changer. Only thing is, it has the consistency of egg white with a mind of it's own, so wear an old t shirt or towel when applying. Works best if you let hair dry naturally, or at least halfway.

Also second pp who got layers. Curls really need layering.

What cream do you use?

I've noticed that the force of water affects mine. At home we have a really strong shower and unless I GHD my hair is a frizzy mop. We were in the Lakes a couple of weeks ago and had a rainfall shower and my hair was smooth and glossy.
I get a keratin treatment now, expensive but lasts 3 months and worth every penny.

I have to say you idea of embracing natural hair would mean not fighting it, not trying to turn it into silky smooth waves because that’s not it’s natural state (where you live ) - I found your post confusing

Yep, I feel your pain.
I hardly ever have a good hair day, but when I lived at home, in a soft water area, it was lovely waves and curls most days.
My hair is also thin, so leave in conditioner is a no no. Same as leave in oils and serums.

Personally, I think the curly methods only really work if your hair is actually thick. I have wavy/ curly hair but it's fine, not thick, and it does loads better with silicones and sulphates.
Your hair does look dry at the ends. If you're smoothing it out just use a ton of morrocan oil afterwards and also the colour wow leave in conditioner is good as a before heat protectant.

On the one hand I sort get where you are coming from…I don’t follow the ‘You can’t ever wash your hair’ crowd. I mean that’s great that it works for you but I would be walking oil slick if I didn’t wash my curly hair daily.

But on the other hand I’m not entirely sure what you’re hoping to gain here. With the “I hate how my hair looks/feels but I’m not going to listen to suggestions or things that might help” 🤷‍♀️

So on that note I’m going to tell you what works for me and you all can proceed to ignore or not…your choice. Aveda’s curly line specifically the Sap Moss shampoo and conditioner + their Be Curly line + a really good diffuser.

My princess and the pea hair scoffs at any other products and demands only the best. I stopped fighting the hair battle years ago and just go with what it wants.

Is there such a thing as a hair specialist/expert (aside from hairdressers) who could actually talk to you about YOUR hair and what it needs?? Just thinking if you had a skin issue for example you would speak to an expert who would advise what would be best based on your specific skin issue?? Might not be but may also save you spending loads of money and time on the wrong stuff! Just a thought.

I get the frustration. I have curly hair and everyone bangs on about deep conditioning and leave in etc

turns out my hair is incredibly soft and fine and all it wants is protein and hard hold products. I have to use texture spray at the roots for grit or it’s too soft

every so often in think I should deep condition and then look at my lank fuzzy hair and think why the fuck did I do that!

Look for salons that do Kerasilk hair smoothing treatment. I’ve had it three times. It’s not caustic, like the old hair straightening treatments used to be. It’s a game changer!

My hair is like that too. I know you say you have tried everything but the only things that I find help with mine are Hair Food or Wonder Water.
But generally if it to dry naturally it just looks a mess whatever I use. So I either use a straightening brush or I twist it up with a hair clip while still damp and take it down when dry

I’m sorry for all of you having so many problems, but I’m sitting with a wry smile because I have spent my whole life trying to get my hair to curl or even wave. Mine is poker straight, no volume, dead flat. Nothing helps give it volume, and I can sleep with curlers in and within ten minutes of taking them out it’s flat to my head again. There’s just no pleasing us, eh?

I have the same issue and it’s just occurred to me that maybe it’s a DNA thing, i.e. it’s the Scottish in us from our ancestors, and the hair reacts better in its natural climate ?! Silly I know, but I can’t find a sensible answer either ! I travelled to Dundee from the south of the country and when I washed my hair there it was the softest ever !
I still straighten mine too as it feels neater and more controlled (until I hit humidity, wind or moisture outside !). I used to have Brazilian blow dry treatments to smooth but they were expensive, time consuming and I couldn’t get any body in my fine hair. No happy medium it seems !
I've tried all the lotions and potions and although some help to a degree, nothing resolves it. I do find using quality products like Kerastase helps though, and a tiny bit of Bumble & Bumble ‘Invisible Oil’ to smooth. I know that fine hair needs lighter products, despite the overwhelming urge to over condition with rich masks, etc.
New Wash by Hair Story is good, although I still didn’t quite get the visible results I’d hoped for.
Merwave products were also recommended to me, for wavy hair specifically (not curly). Sadly I gave up after one wash as I can’t get to grips with shampoos that don’t foam much, my hair never feels as clean after. Having said that, results come with continued use and I do believe these products work so I should definitely bite the bullet and persist !
I will be following this thread keenly to see if anyone can provide the miracle solution !

The only thing that solved my hair problem was a keratin treatment. I also don't wash my hair more than once every two weeks or so. It's very dry so only looks slightly oily (which I welcome) after maybe 10 days.

I just straighten the fuck out of mine. Probably damages it, probably in worse condition underneath, but takes ten mins and makes it smooth nice and manageable until the next wash when it’s horrible until I straighten it again.

I have no solution but I feel your pain.

At home in England, my hair is straight, thick (lots of it but fine), silky, shiny and bouncy but the moment I go to spain, Italy or France, it sticks to my head and looks greasy and like I only have about four hairs.

Soft water doesn't mean soft hair.

Soft water is just more acidic.

Hard water contains more mineral deposits that can sometimes tame (weigh down) flyaway hair.

You said you have an expensive air conditioner and dehumidifier at home, so if your hair is less Brillo like elsewhere and the water you wash it with appears to be the same, maybe your home environment is drying it out. Maybe a humidifier rather than a de-humidifier might help?

my own hair is so flat, straight, fine AND thin that there’s no help for me, so take my advice with a pinch of salt…

I’ve given up with mine. It is high porosity and naturally wavy, I spent 3 years following the “wavy” hair method and some days it looked gorgeous and other days like I’d been dragged through a hedge. I tried gel, mousse, leave in conditioners, I used silicone free shampoo and conditioners. It seemed to dry into ringlets at the front and very flat at the back. Eventually I gave up and now just blow dry it and straighten every day!

I'm middle aged with very similar hair to you (and in a hard water area), and for the first time in my life I have posh-girl hair!
I've started using the salon shampoo & conditioner my hairdresser recommended and stopped tying my hair up ever as it damages it quite badly. I also changed my pillow cases for fancy bamboo ones (I don't like silk).
The difference is amazing (I appreciate you said you don't want to buy more products, sorry).