EX wife has moved new partner and kids in and my children are unhappy.

This l agree she has put her needs of a bf above her children needs. To redecorate your son's room and prioritise the other boy is totally wrong and any decent
mother wouldn't have let that happen
Hopefully you can go to court and get custody of both children, they can visit your ex when they wish.

Urgh, as someone with a SS13, I met him when he was 2, had been dating his dad for a year, took another year before he stayed at my house with me and his dad and, like you everything had been made so special and we had worked so hard to make him feel comfortable. Then we bought a brand new house 5 years ago and involved him the whole build and he has the most wonderful room now. He is a sensitive soul too and the thought of him going through that woudl break my heart.

Your exW has no right to demand anything at this point, she chose to ignore her children’s wishes and ride roughshod over them. I hate this ‘I am their mother’ rubbish. If so, act like it. Keep your children, sort custody and let your children have a voice and advocate for them. Your exW can still see them, they just won’t live with her. Maybe, in time, they will visit her more regularly, but for now they need to know that one of their parents will listen and support them.

As for the new man, none of this is any of his business!! He needs to stay the hell out of it.

Newsflash- if your daughter is shipping out to her dads to avoid the strangers you’ve brought in to her home just so you can have a live in boyfriend, she is not ‘happy’.
In 10 years time I wonder how your daughter would describe this period of her life?

You can be their safe space - I’d be recreating his Spider-Man room at yours and just eating the cost.

Why is she moving her boyfriend in so quickly? It sounds like he’s been left with two kids and is desperate for a nanny with a fanny asap.

Mum’s boyfriend of 11 months should not be forcing a girl in a car.

How awful for his kids too, staying full time in random kids’ bedrooms. Why do we not think of kids as people with their own feelings

Your poor poor boy, (and girl) being so young his things in his room are so so important and be livid they’ve been got rid of!

"we share the kids 50/50"

Get over yourself I listened more to other reply as they weren't rude just being helpful

This new man could be a danger to his children though- there are many many red flags.

This is so sad, and also chilling how low your ex will stoop to prioritise a new man over her children.

I would be very concerned about the 7 year old having to share with an unrelated older boy, never mind the rest of it. I hope at least if your 12 year old doesn’t go back there, that the new bloke’s kids would then be sharing and your DS could have his own room. Unlikely though 😞

If you can afford it, I’d try to recreate the Spidermsn room in your own house.

Social Services and court will tell you the children are old enough to make their own decision on this. You're not trying to turn them against their mother but you are listening to them and they are distressed. If you can have them 100% of the time do so. She is not thinking of them or prioritising their needs. Everything you have said is about their needs and that's what the SS and court want to hear. Good luck.

I've read your replies op & you sound like a really wonderful, thoughtful Dad who's (rightly) prioritising and putting the kids feelings first. I feel for your kids so much, I was in the same position as a child - my mum moved a man in who we barely knew & home no longer felt like home - he was a stranger & didn't really like us kids.

I feel sad for your son & you re the spiderman theme room, it feels cruel to rid all of his stuff. 7 years is such a precious age, still so innocent - I can see you want to hold on to that as most good parents would (my son is 7 too).

I hope you're able to come to an amicable agreement & your ex realises her errors. But if she doesn't, please go for custody & let her have visitation rights. It's your kids childhood at stake.

Just wanted to say I’m so sorry. What you’ve described sounds completely disorienting for your kids who’ve had this forced on them. Blended families take real time to evolve and don’t happen like this overnight. I hope you seek legal advice but are your ex and the new partner all unable to see how it’s affecting them?

David your children are lucky to have a dad like you who loves them so much. Your love and kindness is what will help them to get through this. It won’t be asy but you will sort it out eventually.

I don't know the legalities either, but in my 40 years of secondary teaching in Scotland, I encountered many cases where the children's point of view was taken into consideration.

The one exception was where the mother was so useless and drug-ridden that the teen was placed in children's home - quite unusual these days. The poor kid kept escaping back to their mother.

In the end - thank God - an elder sibling was traced. The sibling had a partner who was willing for the teen to move in with them.

It is a worry.

As a secondary school teacher, I encountered the opposite of this.

A couple moved in with one another after a brief period of time. No marriage.

The kids got on really well. There was a girl and boy the same age. Both in my class and they referred to one another as step-siblings. They got on really well.

The parents' relationship floundered and they split, leaving two very upset children who only saw one another at school.

i dont know the law ins scotland but at 13 my nephew wanted to move in with his father a solicitor advised my sister not to fight in court as at that age they go with what the child wants-

your ex can obviously take ikt to court if she wishes but if your dc want to live with you the court will probably agree

You seem like a really nice person just trying to give your children the best life possible. However your ex seems a bit selfish.
I don’t know what to suggest except to keep a diary / record of all communication with them and don’t say anything that she can chuck back at you.

What an awful decision she’s made, she’s going to lose her children over this.

Unfortunately, the way things are going with Scotplod* these days, they're more likely to sake the side of the interloper.

*By that, I mean that they're not very good at using common sense - I'm basing this on experience (though not in a custodial/child-related matter.

You have equal parental rights and cannot be forced to return your DD to her mother without a court order if she does not want to go. A court will honour the wishes of the child if they are old enough to express one. They will not force your dd to move back without a very good reason.

Your ds will also get a choice which parent he wants to live with. I don't see any reason that living with you will damage their relationship with their mother. If anything, being forced to live with a strange man and his kids will cause more drama and resentment. They would still have contact, after all.

I'm so sorry you and your children are experiencing such a difficult time........a judge will typically take the opinions of the Children on board when they are 10 and over.
I don't understand a mother who would choose her own happiness over her children's.
If you are forced to send the children back in the short term then make it clear to the kids they need to continually voice their upset with the situation to mum. After a while she'll start realising she's losing their good will.
The new fella has eff all to do with anything.
He should keep his nose out.
I'd go to court against your ex in their best interests. It's an emotional harm that they'll never forget.
You can tell them and show them you've done your best to fight to make them happy..
Sounds like she is selfish to me.
Good luck xx

This

We have a blended family and this sounds absolutely unfair. My partner and I didn't move in together until all children involved were happy. His daughter is a year younger than mine and they dont get along but it's okay in that my daughter goes to her dad when my partners daughter comes to ours. We also moved to a bigger house where not only do they have their own bedrooms but we also have extra downstairs living space so everyone can have "me" time if needed.
I think unless your ex plans to move to a bigger home or somehow create more space in the current home this isn't going to have a happy ending for the children involved. Surely his children are also somewhat disgruntled over it all? I can't imagine any older child wanting to share with a 7 year old.
If your ex is willing to sit down with you and your children to air out grievances and possible solutions that would be a lot better than court. Please put everything in text or email in case it does come to court. The last thing you want if for her to accuse you of parental alienation or coercion. Your Daughter can definitely make her own choice but it's likely going to need cafcass to establish her true feelings.

How long has she known this guy it's not fair on them kids does she know everything about this guy.get social involved they will do an assessment and put a safeguarding in place I'd have them move in with you must be so traumatised as well alas your children

@Dweetfidilove I agree with what you're saying mum should be awful.
But she should be given a chance to hear all the reasons why this is bad idea and will impact the children.
If my sons father did something similar (which he has, although not sharing bedrooms) I would go to mediation and talk through my concerns in the hope that the mediator would help him to understand (which did work for us for other issues like the need to show up reliably and on time and to be responsible for taking over if I'm really ill etc) as the best thing for the children is to be able to keep a relationship going with both parents in a safe and comfortable way. She might not listen to her ex but she might listen to a mediator and make the appropriate changes - the kids only want to avoid mums house because of the recent lodgers not because they are scared of mum. They probably want a way to see their mum still just without these lodgers.