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Original poster

EX wife has moved new partner and kids in and my children are unhappy.

483 replies

David850 · 27/06/2025 16:54

I'm a dad of two children, 13 year old daughter and 7 year old son.

Two months ago my ex moved her new partner and his two children in with her, she lives in a 3 bed house so both kids are now sharing with his children, it's been a very tough two months for them and they are miserable.

My son is now sharing a room with this man's 11 year old son, my son is a big spiderman fan and his whole room was themed around this, walls, lights, posters, bedding etc but last weekend ex's new partner decorated the room, painted over the spiderman decor, took everything down, dumped my sons bed and furniture and replaced it with a bunk bed (son hates it, he's on the bottom bunk and says he feels cramped and hates that a bed is on top of him) I've been told the room is now white with a huge Xbox theme going on, apparently there is a few spiderman items remaining but my daughter has said at least 80% has been removed, and a large amount of the room is taken up by this boys gaming desk/chair and TV. My son is extremely upset, it's such a big adjustment to have this man and two kids move in but to fully change his bedroom and get rid of his stuff in his own home is unacceptable.

The daughter is 12, I belive she and my daughter are only a matter or months apart, she's so upset about this girl being moved in to her room, hers hasn't really been redecorated but her double bed has been removed and replaced with two singles and she's been forced to take half of her things off the walls and remove half of her things from her wardrobe, she's currently having to store items in boxes under her bed.

My ex is saying that the room situation was discussed with the kids and I do believe this but when the kids disagreed and said they don't want to share rooms she shut them down and said it was happening.

School has broke up today for summer and my daughter is saying she's not going back to her mums, I've asked what her main reason is and she has said that she refuses to continue to sleep in the same room as a stranger and she feels uncomfortable, I have discussed this with my ex and said i will keep her with me for the weekend and she's said that if they are not returned by 6pm she will be sending her partner around to collect them.

I need some advice as I've never had to deal with this before, we share the kids 50/50, my daughter is 13 so it's not like she can just be picked up and forced in the car, if she refuses to return to her mums home what will happen? If she decides she wants to stay here and see her mum outside of the home is this something a court would agree with? I'd also love to have a serious conversation about my son as he's so unhappy but I understand as he's so young his wishes may not be considered.

I'm all new to this so any advice would be appreciated. Thank you.

OP posts:
housethatbuiltme · 27/06/2025 18:23

I was 4 when my parents got legally divorced and even at that age I was clearly asked what I wanted in the situation.

Its not really about parents, my answer never changed so never had to go back to the court but really the choice is the child's, the courts will always side with the children's wants/needs and prioritizes them.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 27/06/2025 18:21

NattyFox · 27/06/2025 17:51

This is really sad. My concern with keeping your daughter full time is that it would make things even sadder for your son to lose his sister from his mum's house as well. I know that shouldn't be on her shoulders though.

This does happen unfortunately. My DD is 16 and doesn’t go to her Dad’s house that much now - she spent her whole GCSE revision and exam period not going there at all because it’s not calm there. Mixture between Dad being moody, arguing with his partner and the house been full of toddlers (slight exaggeration).

But there’s nothing wrong with Dad as such and my DS (11) still has to go four nights in 14. I don’t think he’d thank me when he grows up if he doesn’t have a relationship with his Dad and siblings.

Beyondburnout · 27/06/2025 18:21

EggnogNoggin Is right. The situation needs to be managed in a less reactive way which takes into account your sons wishes and feelings as well.

Saladleaves17 · 27/06/2025 18:19

I feel for you I really do! One of my close friends has done this (but she is the one moving her new partner and his kids in). Her kids were already sharing a room but now they have another kid with them as well who is older and up playing games all night. This is so the daughter of her new partner can have her own bedroom. I think it’s incredibly unfair.

Unfortunately their dad isn’t in the position to have them all the time but if you are in that position which it sounds like you could be, I would be tempted to apply for a court order to get the rights for them to be housed with you. I can’t imagine a court not taking their feelings into consideration especially as it was their mums choice to move the other kids in. I’m suprised as a mother she’s allowed it to happen to be honest. There is no way I would do that to my children! I would buying or renting a larger house to accommodate all the kids fairly.

MaySea · 27/06/2025 18:17

Keep the children with you if that is what they want. Tell her if either of them come round you will not open the door, call the police if you need to. If she wants them back she can take you to court.

BIossomtoes · 27/06/2025 18:16

WeCouldDoBetter · 27/06/2025 18:14

It all seems very rushed. Where was the man and kids living before? How comes they haven't had more time to get to know each other? Why aren' they moving somewhere bigger? Sounds like your ex may have found herself a cocklodger plus kids.

What does any of that matter? It’s completely irrelevant to the situation these poor kids are in now.

PopeJoan2 · 27/06/2025 18:15

Your wife is out of order saying she is going to send her new partner to get your daughter. That sounds like a threat. And why is she sending someone to pick up a child who isn’t his? She sounds really callous.

if I was in your position I might even ring the local police and ask for advice.

teenmaw · 27/06/2025 18:15

My ex took my 13 yo and brainwashed her into staying with him. I was basically told by ss to suck it up because she’s old enough to decide. Keep her with you and call the police if the dude turns up. Wtf does he think he is coming to your house to take your daughter. I don’t think so!

I got my dd back in the end but only because she chose to come.

WeCouldDoBetter · 27/06/2025 18:14

It all seems very rushed. Where was the man and kids living before? How comes they haven't had more time to get to know each other? Why aren' they moving somewhere bigger? Sounds like your ex may have found herself a cocklodger plus kids.

Imbusytodaysorry · 27/06/2025 18:12

@David850 your daughter can already decide where she lives .
Tell your ex that if anyone comes to your door causing trouble you will call the police.
Saying that if your ex calls the police they will say it’s a civil matter (as I and sure you have parental rights) they may do a welfare check on daughter if she says she doesn’t what to return and says about sharing with a stranger . The police will report back she is safe .

Some officers may not be too clued up but the minite you mentioned civil . Just say officer this is a civil matter . daughter is safe .

Id get a solicitor app booked on Monday though. Either way things are going to get really tough.

MrsSunshine2b · 27/06/2025 18:08

@David850 did he come over? Are you and the kids safe?

SeaShellsSanctuary1 · 27/06/2025 18:08

Figgygal · 27/06/2025 17:04

On face value What a selfish person your ex is.
Your poor kids

What the hell is on face value meant to mean?

pikkumyy77 · 27/06/2025 18:07

justanotherboymum · 27/06/2025 17:10

This makes me so sad. I would be getting legal advice asap, the new partner can come and see for himself that your daughter doesn’t want to go. He can’t force her

The new partner doesn’t come into this and has no rights over the children.

Sassybooklover · 27/06/2025 18:06

You need to seek legal advice asap. As there's no CAO, then you don't have to hand the children over to your ex, and certainly not her partner. Your eldest is 13, and her wishes would be taken into consideration. Your son, at 7, would be spoken to but his wishes wouldn't necessarily be considered. It would be highly unlikely any Judge would separate siblings - my exes ex-wife wanted full residency of his boys (they lived with him full-time and saw their Mum EOW) and the younger boy wanted to stay living with his Dad and the eldest with their Mum, the Judge told his ex in no uncertain terms that he wouldn't split the boys up - this was in 2002! So I can't see it being any different in 2025.

FrustratedC0ffeeDrinker · 27/06/2025 18:04

EggnogNoggin · 27/06/2025 17:45

Unless you think they are in danger, my advice is to stick with the agreement and tell DD you will look into options around the custody agreement if she's certain its whst she wants, without making promises.

I'd also scope what her ideal situation would be I.e. does she only want to see her mother outside of the home and is that realistic (I expect not - there's no reason her mum can't expect her to go round for tea) and set expectations when she stays over to be more in line with what you'd expect if she lived there permanently I.e. get her to bring some homework and enforce the meals and bedtimes you'd expect, which may be different if you only see her at weekends and are more relaxed.

One point I should raise is that you may well end up splitting the children up. My sibling and I were split abd we have virtually zero relationship as adults (deep down I think we were jealous of the other getting more time with the other parent and both felt some abandonment). If your daughter moves in, there is a strong chance that her happiness will be at the expense of your son who will feel more alone.

So think carefully about moving forward and timing and I'd try to think carefully rather than acting emotionally and keeping your daughter past 6pm and inflating the situation. Last minute custody changes in the guise of "rescuing" your daughter because she doesn't like her new family situation isn't going to look good.

Agree that is the sensible way forward.

OneFineDay13 · 27/06/2025 18:03

The ex is a cow. Poor kids. I echo what everyone else has said. Don't send her back.

BIossomtoes · 27/06/2025 18:02

neverbeenskiing · 27/06/2025 18:00

This is terrible advice.

Show quote history

Awful. A court would view this as coercion.

Please get some proper legal advice asap @David850.

bunsnroses1 · 27/06/2025 18:02

Absolutely blows my mind how many women do this. I know someone who moved her new man and his part time kids in six months after her husband died. Her daughters woke up on the first Father’s Day without their dad to a strange man in his bed. Of course she was insistent that they ‘loved’ the new situation. ‘Blending families’ is bullshit and very, very rarely benefits the children.
Hope you’re able to give your children a safe, stable space of their own.

neverbeenskiing · 27/06/2025 18:00

Kolatop · 27/06/2025 17:15

Also, you need to set up a camera now recording. Sit with both of your children. Ask them to tell you, truthfully, how they feel. Ask them clear, open-ended and non-leading questions. This will be evidence that they have chosen to be at yours, want to be at yours and have their own reasons for it.

This is terrible advice.

Evaka · 27/06/2025 18:00

This is desperately sad to read. Your ex sounds like a useless mother and you sound very sensitive. I hope they can stay with you full-time.

neverbeenskiing · 27/06/2025 17:59

EllieEllie25 · 27/06/2025 17:33

That's so sad. Your poor kids. I can't believe a mum would be so cruel to her own kids, especially the 7 year old.

I'm a safeguarding lead in a school and sadly, I've seen this scenario play out many, many times. The number of parents who prioritise their new partners wishes and feelings (and, by extension, new partners children) over their own children is frankly really depressing.

Thehop · 27/06/2025 17:57

Court will let your daughter choose where to live at her age.

Cakeandcardio · 27/06/2025 17:57

Your daughter can decide where she wants to live at age 12. But she can also stay with you tonight. Ignore the door / call the police etc
Sorry your ex cannot put her children first

SoManyDandelions · 27/06/2025 17:56

How much time do the other DC spend with their dad/your ex? Can you arrange custody so that they aren't all there at the same time- or minimise it at least?

MrsSunshine2b · 27/06/2025 17:56

There's no CAO so you don't need to return them or do anything. If her partner comes around and won't leave, call the police. Ex will likely take this to mediation and court so be prepared with evidence of why the children are better with you. Your DD will be considered old enough to decide for herself, the 7 yo not so much but they will probably aim to keep them together but arrange regular contact with her.