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Original poster

EX wife has moved new partner and kids in and my children are unhappy.

483 replies

David850 · 27/06/2025 16:54

I'm a dad of two children, 13 year old daughter and 7 year old son.

Two months ago my ex moved her new partner and his two children in with her, she lives in a 3 bed house so both kids are now sharing with his children, it's been a very tough two months for them and they are miserable.

My son is now sharing a room with this man's 11 year old son, my son is a big spiderman fan and his whole room was themed around this, walls, lights, posters, bedding etc but last weekend ex's new partner decorated the room, painted over the spiderman decor, took everything down, dumped my sons bed and furniture and replaced it with a bunk bed (son hates it, he's on the bottom bunk and says he feels cramped and hates that a bed is on top of him) I've been told the room is now white with a huge Xbox theme going on, apparently there is a few spiderman items remaining but my daughter has said at least 80% has been removed, and a large amount of the room is taken up by this boys gaming desk/chair and TV. My son is extremely upset, it's such a big adjustment to have this man and two kids move in but to fully change his bedroom and get rid of his stuff in his own home is unacceptable.

The daughter is 12, I belive she and my daughter are only a matter or months apart, she's so upset about this girl being moved in to her room, hers hasn't really been redecorated but her double bed has been removed and replaced with two singles and she's been forced to take half of her things off the walls and remove half of her things from her wardrobe, she's currently having to store items in boxes under her bed.

My ex is saying that the room situation was discussed with the kids and I do believe this but when the kids disagreed and said they don't want to share rooms she shut them down and said it was happening.

School has broke up today for summer and my daughter is saying she's not going back to her mums, I've asked what her main reason is and she has said that she refuses to continue to sleep in the same room as a stranger and she feels uncomfortable, I have discussed this with my ex and said i will keep her with me for the weekend and she's said that if they are not returned by 6pm she will be sending her partner around to collect them.

I need some advice as I've never had to deal with this before, we share the kids 50/50, my daughter is 13 so it's not like she can just be picked up and forced in the car, if she refuses to return to her mums home what will happen? If she decides she wants to stay here and see her mum outside of the home is this something a court would agree with? I'd also love to have a serious conversation about my son as he's so unhappy but I understand as he's so young his wishes may not be considered.

I'm all new to this so any advice would be appreciated. Thank you.

OP posts:
reversegear · 27/06/2025 21:55

Nah this is awful your Ex is putting her need above the children’s needs and it needs to stop.

namechangetheworld · 27/06/2025 21:54

She's a shite mother. Moving in a man who she's known less than a year (!!) to sleep under the same roof as her children is pathetic and terrifying all at once. Keep your daughter with you OP, and if the new partner comes knocking, call the police.

Plantladylover · 27/06/2025 21:54

you've done the right thing, without a doubt. Please don't send them back tomorrow if they do not want to go. Call a solicitor first things Monday and ask for an urgent appointment . Best of luck to you. your children are lucky to have you supporting their needs.

Dramatic · 27/06/2025 21:53

ThatCalmCat · 27/06/2025 19:45

I think you need to go round to your ex's house with the kids, to have a discussion about everything and involve the children, if possible.

Clearly, your ex isn't considering the kids enough here, but to say she's a terrible mother for being in a relationship and wanting to live with her partner is a bit strong, though it is very soon if only 11 months into the relationship and her partner also has kids.

You need a way to resolve this, and it's all well and good everyone being on your side, but do you really need to encourage the kids not to stay with their mum?

I would take the tactic of keeping her on side and trying to support her in getting this ironed out.
In order to see Mum, even if they lived with you more than the current 50% , they will need to stay in her house. Surely not seeing her at all will be just as disruptive and upsetting.

They may be young still, especially your boy, but giving them a say and explaining the situation fairly and openly may make the world of a difference, rather than being told to just accept it when they had a different life before.

It's worth checking the law on children sharing rooms. Pretty sure that there is something about boys and girls not sharing over 12, but not sure about 2 the same sex.

Don't forget there are lots of large families that just have to get on with this.
For example, what if your partner went on to have more children with her new partner... and then the kids had to share with their half siblings? What would be the opinion then?

BTW, I am not like the mum, in my experience my children have had this happen with their dad and his new extended step family. My son, at 16 was expected to sleep on a sofa bed every time he stayed over, sharing a room with a child half his age. Needless to say when revising for his recent GCSEs, he stopped going as he never had any peace and could revise better here with me, his decision which I supported.

That's a different situation though because the half siblings are actually related and have presumably grown up with each other since the younger one was born. My step daughter and youngest daughter share a room, they are half sisters 3 years apart in age and it works really well. I wouldn't expect them to share if they were step siblings.

Gowlett · 27/06/2025 21:51

BringYourOwnBullshit · 27/06/2025 17:16

This is absolutely outrageous. If it's real (and I hope it isn't) your ex is a terrible mother and the kids will loathe her for it.

Of course it’s real. People do it all the time.
We always read problems about step-kids.

My auntie did this, and it was a disaster…
For all of the children. But she was happy!

Original poster
David850 · 27/06/2025 21:51

Sorry for taking ages to reply, I've had a rough few hours. Ex did indeed send her partner around, he was far from happy when I refused to hand my kids over to him. I've tried to speak to my ex but she's obviously worked up at the moment and is now demanding the kids are returned first thing in the morning.

I do have a partner who I've been with for two years, she does not have kids and does not want kids, she has a sweet relationship with my two but they have any met outside of the house and I waited a year before introducing them.

My son loved his room, I paid an artist to paint spiderman on his wall, and his name in a spiderman design, honestly it was a really cool room and he absolutely loved it. He's not into gaming and one of my worries is of this boy is potentially sitting up all night gaming when my son is trying to sleep, he's a very young 7 and my daughter has told me the room looks like a teenagers room, they even took his spiderman bedding away.

My daughter is saying she's uncomfortable sleeping next to this girl who she really doesn't know very well and also having this girls dad come in to their room at night to kiss his daughter goodnight, she's not got enough room for all her stuff now as half the room is this other girls, my daughter is growing and going through things and shouldn't have to have a stranger man in her room or share with someone she is not related.

For those asking if I am in a position to have the kids full time, yes I am. I understand I can't decide how my ex lives but I think the best outcome of this would be for her to remove these strangers from her house, I 100% understand because I'd love my partner to move in with me but these things take time when you have children and personally I don't believe it's right for children to be sharing rooms with non relatives.

OP posts:
MeridianB · 27/06/2025 21:46

Just awful for your children. Your ex is crazy to do this. It shows so little respect for your children. I bet they barely have any time with her alone any more, too.

Can they live with you full time? She can pay you maintenance.

If she tries to collect them you can explain they don’t want to return to her home because she has turned heir lives upside down for someone else.

JIMER202 · 27/06/2025 21:36

ThatCalmCat · 27/06/2025 20:02

My thoughts here are to try and resolve the situation without the kids losing contact with their mum.
There may be ways around it, without going in full force with a full custody order which will literally rip the kids lives in two and cause a rupture between the parents that will never heal.
Not everything is as black and white as that, is my point. OP has said no issues with mum until now, and given that he has had a partner for 2 plus years, I'd say perhaps 2/3 maybe more years have gone by with no prior issues.

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Living with their Dad full time wouldn’t even mean their mother can’t see them. But she’s already thrown a huge bomb in their lives and the children shouldn’t have to feel uncomfortable for the sake of their mother’s feelings when she hasn’t considered theirs. Allowing the new guy to completely redo the 7yr olds bedroom and throwing away his furniture is disgusting.

JIMER202 · 27/06/2025 21:32

MixedBananas · 27/06/2025 20:47

What if you end up with someone with kids. The same would happen or you will house everyone in a mansion?
It isn't nice but that's usually how it goes with new partners and step kids..... Just oart and parcel of the joys of a broken family.

Then I’d date them until my children had grown up and moved out. It’s not normal to move a partner of less than a year in to your house with children. Especially weird to allow his to also move in and force your children to shake their space!

The Dad here has been dating someone for 2 years!! If he can do it, so can the mother.

It’s irresponsible, selfish and dangerous. And they aren’t step anything if they aren’t married.

JIMER202 · 27/06/2025 21:29

FairFuming · 27/06/2025 21:18

I'm a single parent and I decided a long time ago I didn't want to live with a man while the kids are young. I want their home to be their safe space like it's mine and it's easier to do that while living separately. I honestly can't wrap my head round the idea of disrupting your children like this for a man you've been seeing for less then a year.
I hope all the children in this situation are safe and ok

You are a very good parent.

My mother bitterly regrets letting her boyfriends and husbands live with us with their children.

JIMER202 · 27/06/2025 21:25

CarrotVan · 27/06/2025 19:49

My 12 and 8 yo boys share a room by choice and this is totally normal.

there are enough issues for the OP without inventing cause for concern

How is this relevant? Your children who are BROTHERS sharing a room is in no way relevant to OP whose children are being forced to share with strangers. And your 8yr old is more likely to be exposed to inappropriate content if sharing with a preteen.

researchers3 · 27/06/2025 21:21

NeedyOpalSquid · 27/06/2025 17:37

Dear Ex,

This is a difficult situation and we will do our best to resolve things. For now, though, I believe it is best for the children to stay here until we have all talked about and resolved some of the issues.

You are perfectly welcome to come and discuss the situation with A and B. However, any attempt to remove them from their home will be resisted and the police called.

Suggest I take them to the beach tomorrow to clear their heads, and we discuss on Sunday.

I like this and I would respond to something like this but the mum and step partner don't sound particularly reasonable.

FairFuming · 27/06/2025 21:18

I'm a single parent and I decided a long time ago I didn't want to live with a man while the kids are young. I want their home to be their safe space like it's mine and it's easier to do that while living separately. I honestly can't wrap my head round the idea of disrupting your children like this for a man you've been seeing for less then a year.
I hope all the children in this situation are safe and ok

WhereIsMyJumper · 27/06/2025 21:03

PreetyinPurple · 27/06/2025 21:00

Lots of adults don’t actually blend families. You don’t have to especially if it’s of detriment to the children.
My friend didn’t move in with her BF for about 7 years until her youngest were 17 and were happy for him to move in, her other children and his children had grown up. You don’t have to move your latest shag in and make your children put up with it.

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Absolutely this!

PreetyinPurple · 27/06/2025 21:00

MixedBananas · 27/06/2025 20:47

What if you end up with someone with kids. The same would happen or you will house everyone in a mansion?
It isn't nice but that's usually how it goes with new partners and step kids..... Just oart and parcel of the joys of a broken family.

Lots of adults don’t actually blend families. You don’t have to especially if it’s of detriment to the children.
My friend didn’t move in with her BF for about 7 years until her youngest were 17 and were happy for him to move in, her other children and his children had grown up. You don’t have to move your latest shag in and make your children put up with it.

caringcarer · 27/06/2025 20:56

Your ex is putting her bf and his kids above the well-being of her own DC. She's only known him 11 months and just moved them all in without discussing any.of it with your DC to see if they'd kind or not?

Greenvases · 27/06/2025 20:55

Having to share a room with a near stranger is not acceptable.
Your poor children.

If they don't want to go home, allow them stay.
Tell her to go to court.

She chose to impose this man and his children after less than a year into their home and bedrooms, she can deal with the consequences

Energywise · 27/06/2025 20:50

MixedBananas · 27/06/2025 20:47

What if you end up with someone with kids. The same would happen or you will house everyone in a mansion?
It isn't nice but that's usually how it goes with new partners and step kids..... Just oart and parcel of the joys of a broken family.

Your ex has entered the chat op.

Energywise · 27/06/2025 20:50

Same old story. Women choosing men over their kids.

get the police involved and don’t send your kids back. What a bad mother she is, putting her man first.

cherish123 · 27/06/2025 20:47

I would not be happy if I were you or your DC. I think they would be better with you ft. Is this possible? Your ex has unfortunately put her love life ahead of her DC.

MixedBananas · 27/06/2025 20:47

What if you end up with someone with kids. The same would happen or you will house everyone in a mansion?
It isn't nice but that's usually how it goes with new partners and step kids..... Just oart and parcel of the joys of a broken family.

Genevieva · 27/06/2025 20:43

This is such a violation. There is no way I would force my children to go back to that. I’d keep them with me and contact a solicitor on Monday morning. Your children need to stay together. They need to feel safe and not under threat. Clearly they need a proper opportunity to be heard.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 27/06/2025 20:39

Would you be able to have your kids living with you full-time if that is what they want?

Givenupshopping · 27/06/2025 20:35

OP, can I ask if your new partner has children, and if you have any intention of moving in together?

BadDinner · 27/06/2025 20:34

I would ideally send your daughter back home. Although of course, you cannot (and I don't suggest you do) literally force your daughter home, I would try and reason with her to see if she voluntarily returns, assuring her that you will discuss it robustly with your ex, and work to get legal custody so she can live with you full time. But for now she needs to go home.

I would then discuss it with the mother, recording the conversation. Then I would be finding a family solicitor about getting full custody.

Doing it this way looks like you have been cool headed & tolerant, tried to reach an accomodation but feel forced to take action on behalf of your kids.

It's a horrible situation, however I wouldn't like your son to be in the house without his sister and his mother may not allow you to see him if she thinks you've poisoned your daughter against her (of course you haven't but that's what she may conclude) and are keeping her away from home. YOU ALSO DO NOT WANT THEM MOVING AWAY. I have seen that happen. The mother is selfish, she could very well move away with the kids to a 'bigger' place, just to get you removed

So I think the long game is better here. Unfortunately the children will have to endure it for a while until a Judge hears your children's wishes. But ultimately it is the better way to go. It also gives the mother a chance to backtrack, which she may do once she realises how high the stakes are.