Page 12 | EX wife has moved new partner and kids in and my children are unhappy.

David850 · 2025-06-27T15:54:09+00:00

I'm a dad of two children, 13 year old daughter and 7 year old son. Two months ago my ex moved her new partner and his two children in with her, she lives in a 3 bed house so both kids are now sharing with his children, it's been a very tough two months for them and they are miserable. My son is now sharing a room with this man's 11 year old son, my son is a big spiderman fan and his whole room was themed around this, walls, lights, posters, bedding etc but last weekend ex's new partner decorated the room, painted over the spiderman decor, took everything down, dumped my sons bed and furniture and replaced it with a bunk bed (son hates it, he's on the bottom bunk and says he feels cramped and hates that a bed is on top of him) I've been told the room is now white with a huge Xbox theme going on, apparently there is a few spiderman items remaining but my daughter has said at least 80% has been removed, and a large amount of the room is taken up by this boys gaming desk/chair and TV. My son is extremely upset, it's such a big adjustment to have this man and two kids move in but to fully change his bedroom and get rid of his stuff in his own home is unacceptable. The daughter is 12, I belive she and my daughter are only a matter or months apart, she's so upset about this girl being moved in to her room, hers hasn't really been redecorated but her double bed has been removed and replaced with two singles and she's been forced to take half of her things off the walls and remove half of her things from her wardrobe, she's currently having to store items in boxes under her bed. My ex is saying that the room situation was discussed with the kids and I do believe this but when the kids disagreed and said they don't want to share rooms she shut them down and said it was happening. School has broke up today for summer and my daughter is saying she's not going back to her mums, I've asked what her main reason is and she has said that she refuses to continue to sleep in the same room as a stranger and she feels uncomfortable, I have discussed this with my ex and said i will keep her with me for the weekend and she's said that if they are not returned by 6pm she will be sending her partner around to collect them. I need some advice as I've never had to deal with this before, we share the kids 50/50, my daughter is 13 so it's not like she can just be picked up and forced in the car, if she refuses to return to her mums home what will happen? If she decides she wants to stay here and see her mum outside of the home is this something a court would agree with? I'd also love to have a serious conversation about my son as he's so unhappy but I understand as he's so young his wishes may not be considered. I'm all new to this so any advice would be appreciated. Thank you.

JIMER202 · 27/06/2025 22:30

SpryCat · 27/06/2025 22:21

Your ex is upset that you are sticking up for your children, she thought she could do exactly as she pleases. She sent her bf round to intimidate you, she thought you’d hand them over, too scared to argue with him.

My god, she is a paedos dream parent, only known new man 11 months, allows him to not only move in, she allows his children to take over her DC’s bedrooms. If he did start being inappropriate towards your DC, she sounds like she would not only deny it, she would gaslight them into believing they were insane!

Edited

She is already totally ok with him coming in to the girls room at night. A strange man her daughter doesn’t know! She also sent him to collect her children alone. A lot of childhood abuse survivors were abused in cars. She’s a complete moron who has shown she doesn’t consider her kids safety. Wouldn’t be surprised to find out she leaves her kids home alone with him too.

JIMER202 · 27/06/2025 22:28

You wound a wonderful and loving Dad!! Really hope you get full custody.

The cruelty of taking his bedding away is shocking. Totally get the light thing!! My son has a transformer bedroom and the idea of someone coming in and removing all the parts that make it special is heartbreaking.

Reading about your daughter feeling unsafe in her own room made my blood run cold.

Keep fighting for them!! The fact your ex sent this man around is insane! Document everything. Why did the lazy witch not come herself, because she’s probably trying to intimidate you. It sounds like your poor kids are being intimidated too.

This man is a cuckoo but with any luck your kids will be allowed to live with you full time. Awful woman your ex is!

Azureal · 27/06/2025 22:27

You can take it back to court but from experience they are probably not old enough for the courts to change the arrangement.

tripleginandtonic · 27/06/2025 22:25

I think the children need to mainly be with you. I can't believe any parent could be so callous as your ex.

Lrichy13 · 27/06/2025 22:22

You need to exercise your PR and keep her with you.

FoxAches · 27/06/2025 22:21

Just to say we're all rooting for you, David. Best of luck.

SpryCat · 27/06/2025 22:21

Your ex is upset that you are sticking up for your children, she thought she could do exactly as she pleases. She sent her bf round to intimidate you, she thought you’d hand them over, too scared to argue with him.

My god, she is a paedos dream parent, only known new man 11 months, allows him to not only move in, she allows his children to take over her DC’s bedrooms. If he did start being inappropriate towards your DC, she sounds like she would not only deny it, she would gaslight them into believing they were insane!

LovingLimePeer · 27/06/2025 22:19

David850 · 27/06/2025 21:51

Sorry for taking ages to reply, I've had a rough few hours. Ex did indeed send her partner around, he was far from happy when I refused to hand my kids over to him. I've tried to speak to my ex but she's obviously worked up at the moment and is now demanding the kids are returned first thing in the morning.

I do have a partner who I've been with for two years, she does not have kids and does not want kids, she has a sweet relationship with my two but they have any met outside of the house and I waited a year before introducing them.

My son loved his room, I paid an artist to paint spiderman on his wall, and his name in a spiderman design, honestly it was a really cool room and he absolutely loved it. He's not into gaming and one of my worries is of this boy is potentially sitting up all night gaming when my son is trying to sleep, he's a very young 7 and my daughter has told me the room looks like a teenagers room, they even took his spiderman bedding away.

My daughter is saying she's uncomfortable sleeping next to this girl who she really doesn't know very well and also having this girls dad come in to their room at night to kiss his daughter goodnight, she's not got enough room for all her stuff now as half the room is this other girls, my daughter is growing and going through things and shouldn't have to have a stranger man in her room or share with someone she is not related.

For those asking if I am in a position to have the kids full time, yes I am. I understand I can't decide how my ex lives but I think the best outcome of this would be for her to remove these strangers from her house, I 100% understand because I'd love my partner to move in with me but these things take time when you have children and personally I don't believe it's right for children to be sharing rooms with non relatives.

You sound like such a lovely, caring dad and your kids are lucky to have you fighting their corner.

Feeling displaced as a child is so deeply unsettling and can have profound future implications for relationships and mental health. They're lucky to have you providing a sense of stability and belonging for them.

WitchOfSomorrostro · 27/06/2025 22:19

That bit about the spiderman in the little boy's room.. Jesus, what a bitch! Made me both sad and mad. How can you treat your little boy and daughter like that.

And what the hell is she doing sending her partner - a nobody to you or your kids - to your house. Glad you stood up to him, good for you.

Tbh, that partner of hers also sounds shit. I know if I'd be in his place, tried to move in to my new partner's house and see how uncomfortable and upset their kids are - I wouldn't do it. Couldn't. And I certainly wouldn't trash a little boy's beloved room like that. My son could suck it up for a bit in this scenario.

Go for full custody. She doesn't deserve these children.

suburburban · 27/06/2025 22:17

I think this is awful and so selfish of her,

don’t like the way the new partner muscled in

Original poster

David850 · 27/06/2025 22:17

I really don't know anything about this man and his kids, only what my daughter has told me, the kids don't see their mum, I'm unsure why.

I'm honestly so mad, I wish I knew what that man has done with my sons stuff, he had a spiderman ceiling light that cost £300 (I know it's ridiculous but he's been the biggest spiderman fan for over 3 years now) and the fact they even got rid of his bedding and replaced it with plain bedding is infuriating me.

I'm so worried this could have a big impact on him, he's a sensitive soul and really is a very young 7 year old, and I just know whatever games this 11 year old is playing are not going to be age appropriate for a 7 year old.

I'm a growing man and I'd feel uncomfortable if a random man moved in with me so I can't even begin to imagine how my daughter feels sharing her home with a man she hardly knows.

OP posts:

HonestOpalHelper · 27/06/2025 22:17

David850 · 27/06/2025 21:51

Sorry for taking ages to reply, I've had a rough few hours. Ex did indeed send her partner around, he was far from happy when I refused to hand my kids over to him. I've tried to speak to my ex but she's obviously worked up at the moment and is now demanding the kids are returned first thing in the morning.

I do have a partner who I've been with for two years, she does not have kids and does not want kids, she has a sweet relationship with my two but they have any met outside of the house and I waited a year before introducing them.

My son loved his room, I paid an artist to paint spiderman on his wall, and his name in a spiderman design, honestly it was a really cool room and he absolutely loved it. He's not into gaming and one of my worries is of this boy is potentially sitting up all night gaming when my son is trying to sleep, he's a very young 7 and my daughter has told me the room looks like a teenagers room, they even took his spiderman bedding away.

My daughter is saying she's uncomfortable sleeping next to this girl who she really doesn't know very well and also having this girls dad come in to their room at night to kiss his daughter goodnight, she's not got enough room for all her stuff now as half the room is this other girls, my daughter is growing and going through things and shouldn't have to have a stranger man in her room or share with someone she is not related.

For those asking if I am in a position to have the kids full time, yes I am. I understand I can't decide how my ex lives but I think the best outcome of this would be for her to remove these strangers from her house, I 100% understand because I'd love my partner to move in with me but these things take time when you have children and personally I don't believe it's right for children to be sharing rooms with non relatives.

Not much to add OP, I'm another male on mums net giving solidarity on this.

Its really not OK your ex moving strangers kids in with yours and ejecting their stuff and decor, it's very cruel.

You sound like a great dad, look after those kids, you are their safe space now!

Good luck mate!

Bumdrops · 27/06/2025 22:12

OP - you sound like a compassionate parent -
with your kids best interests at heart -
keep them at yours, fight their corner -
they have been put in a awful situation - all 4 kids have

tara66 · 27/06/2025 22:10

Well done OP for standing up for you DC!!. Thanks for up date. You know you are absolutely doing the right thing. The ex's new P has got some nerve - re. you DS's bedroom changes and coming round to you to take YOUR children!! He needs taking down a peg or 3. Who does he think he is? As for your EX - words completely fail me! Certainly hope both DC can live with you. They are having a very rough time with their mother. Regarding the house where EX lives - do you part own it?

Lucillebatwings · 27/06/2025 22:07

The Op @David850 is in Scotland - assuming his name is on the children’s birth certificate he will have PR&R’s and does not need to send the kids back. The decision you need to make OP is whether this might inflame the situation further?

You’ll know what to do for the best and speaking to your children about how they feel will guide you. My advice would be to not talk negatively about their mum. It’s ok to say you don’t agree with what she has done because of how it is making them feel though.

In Scotland if parents cannot agree on residency a sheriff might ask social work to undertake an assessment - I believe a section 11 assessment and report. This will involve the social worker speaking to everyone involved and making a recommendation. Case will then be closed to social work after this unless there are welfare concerns.

Danni2224 · 27/06/2025 22:06

BringYourOwnBullshit · 27/06/2025 22:02

Same, I'm happily child free and feel no emotion whatsoever about parenting etc. But this has had me welling up.

Show quote history

This is not a mother, I am a mother and my daughter almost 12 doesn’t even really like me in her space and respect that. All I can say is she is a selfish narcissistic witch she has to be. I’d do absolutely anything to protect my child’s happiness utter cunt.

SpryCat · 27/06/2025 22:05

I think if you go to court for them to live with you, your ex will be persuaded by new man to let them go. His kids won’t like sharing bedrooms either so it’s better for him and his kids if they live with you. He will tell her, he is fed up of her being miserable and she is ruining their relationship and if she doesn’t buck up, he will leave.
You need cameras up outside so if he doesn’t buck come over and kick off, not only do you call police, you have evidence.
Your ex doesn’t care for your children’s wellbeing or safety, they need you to fight for them.

BringYourOwnBullshit · 27/06/2025 22:02

BIossomtoes · 27/06/2025 22:00

My son loved his room, I paid an artist to paint spiderman on his wall, and his name in a spiderman design, honestly it was a really cool room and he absolutely loved it.

That kind of broke my heart. What a disgusting thing to do to a little boy.

Same, I'm happily child free and feel no emotion whatsoever about parenting etc. But this has had me welling up.

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 27/06/2025 22:01

@David850 it sounds like you are in scotland? at 13, the sheriff will most definitely take your daughters wishes into account! get to a solicitor asap and get this into court. and you wouldnt allow a strange man to remove your daughter from your own home either, would you?

BIossomtoes · 27/06/2025 22:00

My son loved his room, I paid an artist to paint spiderman on his wall, and his name in a spiderman design, honestly it was a really cool room and he absolutely loved it.

That kind of broke my heart. What a disgusting thing to do to a little boy.

Missj25 · 27/06/2025 22:00

ThejoyofNC · 27/06/2025 17:08

What an awful mother she is.

Time to protect your children, since she's more interested in a man than the wellbeing of her own kids.

Do not force them to go back there.
Let her take you to court.
Do not allow this man to "come and get her".
Call the police if necessary.

Exactly this …

Dramatic · 27/06/2025 21:59

David850 · 27/06/2025 21:51

Sorry for taking ages to reply, I've had a rough few hours. Ex did indeed send her partner around, he was far from happy when I refused to hand my kids over to him. I've tried to speak to my ex but she's obviously worked up at the moment and is now demanding the kids are returned first thing in the morning.

I do have a partner who I've been with for two years, she does not have kids and does not want kids, she has a sweet relationship with my two but they have any met outside of the house and I waited a year before introducing them.

My son loved his room, I paid an artist to paint spiderman on his wall, and his name in a spiderman design, honestly it was a really cool room and he absolutely loved it. He's not into gaming and one of my worries is of this boy is potentially sitting up all night gaming when my son is trying to sleep, he's a very young 7 and my daughter has told me the room looks like a teenagers room, they even took his spiderman bedding away.

My daughter is saying she's uncomfortable sleeping next to this girl who she really doesn't know very well and also having this girls dad come in to their room at night to kiss his daughter goodnight, she's not got enough room for all her stuff now as half the room is this other girls, my daughter is growing and going through things and shouldn't have to have a stranger man in her room or share with someone she is not related.

For those asking if I am in a position to have the kids full time, yes I am. I understand I can't decide how my ex lives but I think the best outcome of this would be for her to remove these strangers from her house, I 100% understand because I'd love my partner to move in with me but these things take time when you have children and personally I don't believe it's right for children to be sharing rooms with non relatives.

Good on you for standing up to him. Do you know if his kids spend any time with their mother? I wonder if it would be possible to try and have contact time at their mum's when his kids aren't there? Still not ideal as their rooms would still be being used by these other kids but at least they wouldn't have to share for the time they're there.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 27/06/2025 21:59

I don't know what it's called, but get the paperwork for court in ASAP, before she does. Go for full custody.

And when you get it (fingers crossed), get that artist back to redo the spiderman on your son's room in your house.

BringYourOwnBullshit · 27/06/2025 21:58

This is heartbreaking to read OP your poor son! How can someone be so cruel! I could cry for the little lad.

Ibelievetheworldisburningtotheground · 27/06/2025 21:55

I would try to get legal advice about not forcing her to go back to her mum's if you don't have a formal/court-mandated custody order in place.