EX wife has moved new partner and kids in and my children are unhappy.

I’d also like to add your ex is a massive cunt for the way she is acting. Your poor children 😢

I am very sorry that this is happening and that your children are so upset. Especially your little lad who has had his room and decorations painted over - that really is abysmal. A massive transition like that really should have happened more slowly. I imagine the other children are very upset about having to share/having their lives upended too.

Seems to me that the more appropriate thing to do would have been for your kids to move into a room together, and the other kids to share a room too. That way at the very least your children aren't sharing with strangers. It's not nice to go from having your own room to having to share with a sibling, but far better that than a stranger. And many children have to share a room with a sibling (or more than one). Sadly that's what happens when families break up.

Their mum and her new partner should have done a more thoughtful job of trying to maintain "separate space" even within the shared rooms. I feel so bad for the little lad that all his spiderman stuff was just painted over and he was given the cruddy bunk - she could have made more of an effort to make it into a special space for him (that's what I would have done - turned it into a superhero space for him, with bunk curtains and a separate space for him even though he's sharing a room. Same goes for your daughter.

If your daughter does decide she wants to live with you then hopefully the Court will pay attention to her wishes and grant that change of custody. Ultimately family court wants children to be happy and to feel safe and secure - your daughter is old enough to articulate the reasons why she wishes to live with you, and courts place a great deal of weight on what children would prefer.

If your daughter does spend more time with you then that, as others have pointed out, would mean your little lad could have his room back. The other two kids can share a room. They are closer in age, and your son would likely far rather share with his sister (if she has days where she stays with her mum) then with a much older boy he doesn't know.

Sorry again that you are dealing with all this upheaval - it must be very difficult and frustrating not being able to fix everything for your children.

Your daughter is old enough now to make that choice, you can go to the courts and open up a case called a section 7 they will get cafcass involved and they go on what is in the best interest for the children, I don’t know where your son would stand as he is only 7 but your daughter would be able to live with you if that’s what she wishes

The poor kids. This is absolutely ridiculous that a ‘mother’ would behave like this. And I say this a someone whose eldest child isn’t my husband’s.
Removing the bedding FFS was absolutely needless. I would absolutely be livid.
Blending families after 11 months is an absolute joke. When you meet someone new your kids have to remain your priority and not get pushed aside.
Keep standing up for your kids OP you’re doing the right thing.

They will want contact with mum, you are not taking that away from them David, but right now, they need to have their voices heard and someone to put them first. They feel like their mum has turned into someone they don’t know anymore, have had strange children foisted into their bedrooms. A man they barely know, ruling the roost who has desecrated their bedrooms and they just want a home that they feel safe in. It’s been very traumatic for them, luckily they have you, please fight for custody as their mum is thinking with her fanny.

Them raw chicken looking cats are lovely to stroke, very therapeutic but need jumpers on.

100% don’t send them back. I’d message saying you are seeing a solicitor and going to court asap to sort out access and they will stay with you until it’s sorted. Unless cocklodger and his kids move out first of course.

They share 50/50 so the children are already home. Home with the parent who actually cares about them, where they feel safe and want to be.

@David850, you're doing the right thing- do NOT let them go back to hers. They stay with you until you can get an emergency C/O.

You sound like the kind of dad any child would be lucky to have. They will always know you have their back, and remember how you made them feel safe and secure.

I agree that it's best to try and keep things as civil as possible with the mum, as once these things spiral in can be very difficult to get back on track. She sounds bloody awful though. Would she ever consider some kind of family mediation if you can't reach agreement amicably? The most important thing is your kids' sense of security and knowing that they are at least YOUR no.1 priority, even if not hers. Sounds like you're doing everything to demonstrate that to them.

Oh about those raw chicken cats 😆If you're talking about Sphynx cats, they are absolutely sweet natured and loving (as a rule) and they feel like soft suede. They like a nice toasty blanket, sometimes a onesie, and a cosy spot by the fire or a radiator. I can imagine your daughter is probably really worried about what will become of her pet if she moves in with you, so hope it all works out.

Might it be a fairly temporary situation? Presumably the new boyfriend was living somewhere before? Maybe if he owned it he and your ex might be thunkin*bo buy8ng somewhere bigger?

What a horrible situation. Have you any other family members who could help mediate, advocate for your kids or simply talk with your wife. Maybe a sibling of your ex’s or one of her parents. Is your daughter close to her maternal grandparents? ( if they are about)
you sound like you are really listening to your kids and that’s a good thing. Would your kids prefer to share with each other? They are odd ages to share but maybe they might prefer it.

Honestly it sounds like your children would be better off with you. Their mum really isn't considering what's best for them at all.

Exactly it means you are the main carer the one chosen to make the decisions .
This is what is needed as your ex can’t be trusted to have the kids best interests at heart @David850

Your poor kids. Never fails to astound me how many selfish mums I read about here who put their desire to live with a new partner above their own children’s well-being. No advice but at least they have you to retreat to.

I’m so sorry for your DC. You sound like a brilliant dad and it’s disgraceful that your ex is basically prioritising dick over her kids.

Both her and this bloke are so fucking selfish and irresponsible it’s heartbreaking.

I hope you can get full custody of your DC and they’ll be safe and happy with you. Maybe that’s what it will take to bring your ex to her senses.

Yes they are . I know a 12 year old and 10 year old. 12 year old went to school one day and never returned to his mother .
He told the judge he never wanted to see her again .
the younger was brain washed and bribed he got to stay with the mother and dad eow .
Youngest now can’t wait untill he is a year older and can walk out and not go back .

Judge said she had never came across a case with the kids saying such different things but she granted them what they said they wanted.

@David850 op with your eldest being able to speak up and if your youngest agrees with the eldest the judge will listen.
They may both remain with you untill a report is carried out . They will be court appointed.
The judge will listen to the kids , yourself the mum and read the report and come to a conclusion .

Id get an emergency hearing called as soon as you can get a solicitor and the paperwork submitted To court . So your ex doesn’t take the kids and keep them. By you keeping the kids you are executing your parental rights . You believe your kids are in danger and unhappy and their needs are not being met.

It honestly reminds me of the cases where the children are harmed by Mothers new boyfriend. It’s got red flags all over it!! Trashing the little boys bedroom and removing all the parts he loves, allowing boyfriend in to the girls room at night, letting the kids go alone in the car etc etc Mum is a massive dimwit with not a safeguarding bone in her body!

Sorry this is happening to you and your children David850. I'm afraid it sounds like Court is the only way, but first you need to see a Family lawyer a.s.a.p.
Talk to your daughter and get her to list the reasons she doesn't want to go back.
If you can chat with your son too, asking him how he feels about the changes. Try not to become emotional, just objective.
I doubt Scottish law is very different to English in this respect and unless a Court orders it you do not have to hand the children over to your ex's new partner if they don't want to go.
You might want to contact what in England we call Children's Social Services just to lodge your concerns.
I hope you and your children come through this closer and stronger. 🥰

It sounds like something that would happen in a Dickensian novel, your poor dc don’t deserve this

They can still have a relationship with her even if you have full custody. But they will be so, so much safer!! More settled and happier.

Full custody doesn’t mean never seeing Mum. But she’s not making safe choices for them.

OP previously said there is no court order/arrangement in force. They share 50/50 agreed between themselevs

I think he put in a previous post they had trashed it and got rid of it all 😭😭

This thread had just made me a little tearful. Those poor children. What kind of parent is this oblivious? I completely understand why the kids are upset and I don't know them. Odd their mum doesn't see a problem. Legal advice & social services will likely be required OP. Good luck

Is there anyway you can get the Spiderman light and stuff from the house if you paid for it. They have absolutely no right to take away your son's personal belongings. Are you able to talk to their moat all and ask for his stuff so you can bring it to yours?
Maybe they have sold it all.
Those poor children, I can't believe their mother would do that.
Some women seem to be so desperate for a man they prioritise them over their children, it's disgusting and frightening.