EX wife has moved new partner and kids in and my children are unhappy.

I would be tempted to ask the daughter to go back (at least one time) so her little brother has an ally. She is sharing with a girl her own age, perhaps less uncomfortable than his situation.

Social services won't do an assessment. They don't assess random parental disagreements about residence, that's not what they are there for.

Someone I know has recently been through the court system and was told from the age of 10 they take the child's wishes in to account. I think my first step would be to involve social services as they will do an assessment and make recommendations. Your poor children, an awful situation to have thrust on them.

@Caligirl80 it wouldn't be appropriate for a 7 year old boy to share with a 13 yo girl.
A young girl dealing with puberty shouldn't be sharing with a 7 boy.

I found this.

Sounds like there's a very good chance of the 12 yr old's view being taken into consideration.

https://familylawyersglasgow.com/at-what-age-can-a-child-choose-which-parent-to-live-with-in-scotland/

As a Stepmum, I could never do that to a child. The first thing DH and I did as a couple was get a 2 bed flat so we could give SD her own room and decorate it.

Unfortunately, this should be unbelievable but it's not, it happens all the time :( poor children

There's so many red flags about this man. Both he and the Mum agreed to this set up where his children were going to be sleeping in rooms with practical strangers. I don't agree with gaming systems, especially not internet enabled gaming systems, in bedrooms anyway but appreciate I might be a bit of an outlier on that, but it's definitely not appropriate in a 7 yos room. It's heartbreaking that they took away all his special spiderman things that made his room his own, even the lampshade and his bedding, and I can't believe that two adults agreed to do that to a little boy. Cruel, nasty people who don't deserve any children, let alone 4.

OP what a terrible situation for you all, it’s disgusting how many parents behave and put their kids at risk - but you’re clearly an amazing dad.

I know your children will recover from this eventually and sleep better knowing that they are now in a safe home with a parent who protects them and puts them first.

I hope they do not go back at all if that’s not what they want. In the long term Contact should be limited to day time visits.

If they do move in with you perhaps your ex will need to pay some child support and you can put some of that towards making your son’s bedroom in your house look a bit like his old room at his mums.

Not surprised to hear your exes partners has his kids full time kids - that’s clearly why he was so eager to move in. Free babysitting!

Where were the new partner and his children living before moving in with your ex?

The mum would obviously have said if it was temporary but I don’t think the arrangement is appropriate for any amount of time. And also it wouldn’t explain or justify why they decided to change OPs son beloved Spider-Man themed bedroom and get rid of his things in favour of how the partners son wants it or this grown man coming into the shared bedroom with OPs daughter.

For the cat get some dreamies, most cats are obsessed with them.

You sound like a BRILLIANT Dad. They're so lucky to have you. My parents split when I was 7 and my mom moved various boyfriends in, and it was horrible, but at least my bedroom was my own.

Your children (especially your daughter) will always remember you listened to them, took their concerns seriously and stood up for them.

The fact the boyfriend agreed to go round and try to intimidate you into handing your children over to him, is a massive red flag. Please keep your children with you.

Well done for advocating for your kids OP. So sorry they're having to go through this. I can't believe she's fucking rushing moving a man she hasn't known a year into her kids home and forcing a blended family situation and binned off her little boys belongings and what could be an innappropriate gaming setup! Absolutley disgusting.

All power to you OP, get your babies into your home full time, her actions are completely unacceptable.

This sounds like something I’d see on one of local free or selling Facebook pages, bundle of Spider-Man bedroom stuff including bedding. It would absolutely be snapped up around here. There are also local charities that would take this stuff, I gave away all my DDs younger bedding no problems.

OP you really don’t have to justify your DS’s love of Spider-Man or how much you have spent on things for him, he’s your child you can spend what you like.

I would definitely be calling a solicitor first thing Monday if you didn’t already today and starting the process of full custody. I’d also be getting social services involved as your children’s mother is clearly not putting their welfare first.

I understand their mother has a right to move on, but her children’s welfare should always come first.

It’s a very positive sign they can come to you and talk freely, keep it up.

Yep
i don’t live with my actual husband who I love to distraction
Because an attempt at some kind of ‘blending’ that never included non sibling children sharing rooms wasn’t right

my youngest son is now 18 and away to the forces so we can maybe change this

put your kids first

I have no specific advice as I have no experience in this. What I 100% know, is you sound exactly what a good dad sounds like. Level headed and consistent, ie exactly what children need in a parent.
This must be such a difficult time for you all.

I wish you every strength and fortune at this time. Believe in yourself.

Can anyone else act as a mediator here? your kids need to be able to tell their mum how they feel, without feeling dismissed or ambushed. They don’t feel they have that relationship with her at the moment. She’s going to see this as criticism of her choices/lifestyle and get defensive. For that reason, I don’t think you’re the right person to mediate.

It’s out of order for them to throw out your son’s stuff away. Given the lack of existing relationship, it was ridiculous to try and squeeze these 6 people in a 3 bedroom house. There’s not enough room and it’s a downgrade in lifestyle for your children.

I would want clarification on what the long term
plan is here. I would have thought they are house hunting? If so, have they got plans to
sell the house? Was it necessary to throw your son’s stuff out, if it could have been kept in storage until they move to a new house? How did they expect him to react etc

I don’t think the situation is necessarily abusive though. I have no idea what legal recourse is available under the circumstances. I’m not sure that full custody would be given but definitely seek legal advice.

Get legal help to get full custody. If your dd and ds want to stay then check that this is possible. Inform the police of the threat of your ex sending round her partner to your place to get the kids. This sounds violent.

Where would they have even taken it to? Taking bedding etc is pretty weird. Can you just ask your ex what’s happened to it?

No advice, but honestly, you sound like the best dad, and a true advocate for your children.

If my relationship broke down, I can't imagine imposing on them, what your ex is trying to impose. The mind boggles, that she couldn't wait a handful of years, before moving in with someone? Lucky they have you, looking after their best interests. Hope it all works out.

Your children need someone who will put their wellbeing first and make safe decisions for them to have full custody. That’s only you I think. They can still have a relationship with their mother, even though she is doing her best to ruin it right now.

From my experience, at around 13 is when courts start to consider the young persons own point of view. Have you got capacity for her to stay with you for a while? It might get ugly but if they don’t feel comfortable at their Mums house, but DO feel safe and comfortable at yours, you may need to go back to court for a different arrangement. And start collecting any evidence you can.

Who owns your ex's home, it sounds like the previous family home. If you have some ownership you could possibly force them out.

New boyfriend doesn't have PR, he has absolutely no place even trying to collect your children. You do have PR and you are exercising it in the best interests of your children.

I don't imagine the other children are delighted about this either. There must be a backstory about how this has happened after only 11 months, like he was being evicted ir they lived with his parents. It's a terrible thing for him to do too so both of them are making poor decisions and can'tbe trusted.