To think co-parenting is often just damage control for a bad decision?

But no one is idelasing it as the gold standard. The gold standard is a happy, healthy, secure relationship of you've chosen to have children with your partner. No one thinks or pretends the ideal thing is to break up. This is definitely a you thing I think. And it's so obvious that "we co-parent well" means since we split up that it doesn't need stating. Do you think "so we've divorced" should proceed every sentence as a mark of shame?

Exactly! No one asks separated parents- was co parenting after divorce in fact your plan all along or is this all code for a break up? One thing leads to the other. Odd thread.

Firstly, divorce isn’t necessarily a ‘bad decision’, @ThisSharpJadeDreamer. If a marriage isn’t working, if there is abuse, infidelity, misery, discord, fighting - then surely leaving the marriage is a good decision?

Secondly, it is the mature, adult, caring thing to do, for the children, to try to co-parent as well as possible. I don’t think this is ‘romanticising’ anything - I think it is how parents who are divorced should act. Sadly too many parents don’t manage to co-parent well (or at all) - I have seen too many stories on here and elsewhere from women whose ex-husbands are being as difficult as possible over parenting, or who are using their kids to try to hurt their ex, with no regard for how this is hurting their children.

Surely ‘putting the child first’ is how things should be done, not something to be criticised?

Exactly. What's the alternative if you've split up? NOT co parenting??

Do you honestly believe people are saying it's the gold standard like it's better than a happy couple staying together?! Cos I promise you they're not!

I object to the poster suggesting I and others are being smart arses. We're not. I am genuinely struggling with what the op is getting at..

People are praised for co parenting well because it's widely acknowledged how fucking hard it is to maintain a healthy relationship with someone post split. That's all.

@Acommonreader I’m really not getting what point or question you have?

Is it the label Co-parenting or the act of Co-parenting that you have an issue with? Or is it the fact that co-parenting exists in the first place?

Co-parenting is what is. It’s not a magical brand and nobody, in my experience, thinks it’s anything but a descriptor.

Having read a lot of posts on here from married mothers, co-parenting is the same regardless of whether you all live in the same house or not.

Negotiation over drop offs, pickups, bathtime, food, access to devices, commitment to education, opinions on holidays......

Being separated or not doesn't come in to it. If anything, being separated is better because at least the child gets to live in a peaceful house, not constantly in a state of war, at least part of the time.

But co-parenting by definition follows a relationship breakdown. So no one feels the need to precede comments on co-parenting with the caveat that ‘obviously this wasn’t our plan A’.

It was obvious what you meant. Irritating when people are smartarses.

I think it can work well but not often, honestly.

It’s not code. It’s not Plan A . It’s making the best of a situation that has happened. It is good parenting.
Anyone co parenting well after a break up should be applauded as many fail to co parent well. This is not romanticising.
We are all glad this has occurred to you. Maybe stay out of the sun.

I think you have confused "co-parenting" with "co-parenting well".

Healthy co parenting is a win though. The alternative is unhealthy (or no) co parenting. The unwanted thing has already happened. Post a break up, co parenting is a win and a good thing. I don’t get what you are trying to say.

I really don’t get your point OP. Unless it’s that a relationship breakdown is shameful, so therefore people shouldn’t be praised for doing their best and trying to make co-parenting work?

Co-parenting, particularly 50/50, is a con by men to get out of paying proper child support.
They aren't interested in looking after their children properly, they find a random woman to do it for them and call her a girlfriend. If she's providing the home and keep, so much the better.
Being half and half in different homes with different attitudes is confusing for children - the security of a single home is better.
Of course there are cases where fathers are decent people (perhaps) and where living with a mother full time is a living hell. But the principle holds.

But to whom are you 'pointing it out' and 'naming the reality'?

I don't think anyone thinks of post-separation co-parenting as any kind of ideal, just as a matter of (hopefully) both parents doing their best to navigate a new reality in the best way for their children.

I think you're stating the bleeding obvious

Nobody thinks it's ideal. We aren't stupid. Just trying to do best by our children. I'm a bit baffled that you think anyone thinks otherwise. There's something a bit off and judgy about the whole premise of your question to me.

I don't really get your point. Co parenting isn't code for anything, it is making sure that any fallout affects the children as little as possible and that they get to maintain a relationship with both parents.

Where is it that you're hearing this?