Don’t want to talk to a man

If you only have a male line manager and all the other senior managers are male, what are you supposed to do. I don't have a choice where I work but I would say that mostly it is brief and to the point probably due to slightly awkwardness.

If it was relevant, yes I would. It shouldn't come as a shock to an adult that women have periods.

They don't have to discuss menstruation with their manager. Neither would a man have to discuss a penis infection with their manager. That level of detail is not required in these meetings.

I appreciate that people have differing levels of comfort when it comes to discussing the human body, but an employee is not required to divulge personal medical information to their manager.

@MyUmberSeal that was my initial thought. I am not easily embarrassed but we are all different. Reminds me of a former colleague who needed to go home at lunchtime. Our male head teacher was very brusquely asking her why. She eventually bellowed across the staff room ‘my period is extremely heavy and I need to change my sanitary towel’. I have never seen anyone slope off so quickly 😂. Sorry you are feeling like this @Flamingodaughter .

You will not be expected to go into detail about the nature of your problems OP. Assuming you have been to a doctor about the matter in question, all you need to say is that you have been off work on medical grounds and you can provide justification of your appointments to show this. Neither he nor the female manager would have the right to ask you exactly what the problem was.

They dont give a shit.

I went to a male doctor with severe period pain, much worse than usual, and i was getting the pain a week before my period aswell.

The doctor told me that i had constipation.

Are you receiving/did you receive medical support/care for your illness? I used to be a female manager of females (NHS) and where there had been medical support, this all went through Occy Health and we were just told that the sickness absence between xxx and xxx was ok. Often the person would choose to tell us more detail themselves but they didn't have to. We would have to ask for more detail if there had been no medical support but only in very general terms. I do sympathise with your feelings but I think you need to bite the bullet a bit on this one.

Well it's no wonder why society still doesn't take women's health seriously.

It defnitely depends on the men and women.

I work in a school. If the teenage girls have painful periods and want to get out of class, the female staff are much kinder and sympathetic to the girls, than the male staff are.

Ive seen female teachers go and get pads. I, myself have many times checked in on girls and sympathised with their period pain

I have seen male teaching staff be rude and dismissive about the girl's periods. One called periods "rubbish like that".

Some women have no bad experiences with periods or gynaecological problems and can be quite scathing of those that do.

I find men to be much more sympathetic and even more so if they have wives that suffer too.

Agree. Several women I encountered seemed to feel that because they 'could deal with the pain and get to the office' everyone should.

So would you go in and tell your male colleague that you are having your period.

Ive never told my male colleagues this.

Lol at the amount that say intimate parts erm no your not talking about your intimate parts your talking about a fact of life. Thought we were past the days of embarrassment tbh, I have no problem talking to male or female and I'm not old it's a fact of life

In my experience of back to work interviews,I've found male managers far more sympathetic than female ones.

No one's saying you have to use graphic descriptions.

We are saying that if we talk about menstruation at all, we are talking about blood coming out of our vagina.

Some women would not be comfortable talking about that to a man.

The same as a man would probably cringe at talking about a penis infection to a female manager

You are unreasonable not to want to talk to a man about "gynaecological problems" as in literally using those words only. If they need more detail than that, I would completely question why, and request a further meeting with the female manager.

I have endometriosis. I have discussed it with my manager. I have never once needed to use graphic descriptions. Simply saying "I have a condition called endometriosis, I require surgical treatment and need 2 weeks off to recover" has been sufficient.

In my twenties I worked for the (male) senior partner of a law firm. He phoned to enquire exactly why I was off and when I would be expected back. I told him I had a pelvic infection and on antibiotics. He immediately said oh take as much time as you need and put the phone down! 😂 I had already informed the female HR and she was less than sympathetic.

I’ve had a female gynae tell me my severe endometriosis was just part of being a woman and I should just get on with it.

A female HR ask me repeatedly why I looked pale and irritable when on my
period. Again, she knew about the endo and I also had PMDD.

I would much rather speak to a male every time!

I thought the whole premise of the OP's thread was the fact that she has to attend a meeting with a manager due to lengthy sickness. The manager in question is not her usual female manager but an unfamiliar male manager. The reason for her sickness is due to gynaecological problems and she says "I don’t feel very comfortable discussing my reasons for being off with this male manager. "

So the OP is obviously expecting that level of detail to be required. My comment was in response to the information and concerns expressed by the OP. OK?

Well if you talk about menstruation at all, you are talking about genital discharge aren't you?

Discharge is anything coming out of your vagina

This was my thought too. Same with teachers. My daughter had a run of male teachers. All brilliant, but the school was generally arsey about leaving class for the toilet. I taught to tell them factually if you are leaking through your pad, or you've unexpectedly come on, they've grown ups, they know what periods are...

All the men were much easier going with allowing a time out of lesson for toilet if needed. They didn't want to discuss it.
The female teachers - sort your pad in the morning, change it morning break, wait til lunchtime... Ffs, these girls were only just getting used to wearing a pad. Grrr, it used to rile me.

Yanbu.

Just say I do not feel comfortable discussing the specifics of my medical issues.
Suffice to say I have some persistent medical issues that I am being treated for.

He's not a doctor, none of his business.
Do not feel pressured into sharing information that is private.

Why on earth would they need to discuss "intimate parts" or "genital discharge" with their manager in the context of this meeting? That level of detail would absolutely not be required.

@Flamingodaughter personally I think YANBU. We are all different and given how important the conversation is, the onus is on you to be proactive to ensure you’re not inhibited in any way in fully expressing your health concerns and reasons for your absence. I’m sure your company would want you to be comfortable in this meeting. Eg though born in Britain, my parents are of a different culture and so strict I wasn’t even allowed to watch men’s sports or having any male friends. It ended up me being a mouse through my 20s and 30s, unable to even look at men. You wouldn’t know it you’d just think I was quiet and shy. So I know this isn’t you but it still stands that some of us are somewhere on that spectrum between totally okay and totally not. I would expect the same support for a male also if he didn’t wish to discuss with a female.

Your not being ‘silly’ and being able to advocate for yourself is a critical skill which I learned too late in life and if I’d had kids I’d certainly be teaching them about it.

I mean, who honestly (apart from one or two other posters here) really wants to talk about their intimate parts with a man. Quite frankly I doubt many men would jump for joy at the thought of talking about genital discharge with a female manager. Try telling them to celebrate it! Anwyway OP, I actually think you might be better off with a bloke. He'll probably curl up with embarrassment, take your word for it and end the meeting early.