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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think if you had this sum of money you’d be pretty relaxed about finances? Or am I out of touch?!

141 replies

Uuaner · 27/06/2025 13:17

75k in savings and 150k mortgage on a 600k valued home.

if I was in this position with no debt I wouldn’t be anxious about so many things like temporarily losing employment, having a boiler breakdown, needing a new car… all sorts of financial stress would evaporate.

would you feel the same?

context is my best friend is in this position (inheritance) and is so so money conscious and always panicking about the next thing that may go wrong… even though she clearly has the money if needed?! Am I missing something?

OP posts:
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pollymere · 29/06/2025 23:46

It's easy to find yourself out of work for six months. If you've a mortgage that high and maybe car finance etc, and a house that big, I can imagine the money rapidly disappearing. Obviously it should last you longer than six months but your friend may want to have a safety net in case she ever became ill and couldn't work for any reason.

lilkitten · 29/06/2025 20:25

It would sound like she should be ok, but there could be so many reasons. I have a worry about losing everything and becoming homeless, when there isn't much evidence that that will happen. I do have inconsistent income, but I have savings and my mortgage is paid off. It's how I've always been, and I get stressed at the thought of spending money in case I need that money later. So it could be a mental health issue like I have.

ThisTicklishFatball · 29/06/2025 15:27

The level of judgment being thrown at the OP’s “friend” — real or not — is frankly absurd.
This is exactly why sharing personal and financial details with so-called “friends” can backfire spectacularly. It’s a life lesson: not everyone around you is rooting for you. Some people are just lurking, waiting to turn your success into a source of their own bitterness. People who aren't true friends often show jealousy and envy.

AlternativeView · 29/06/2025 15:07

Op I'd be extremely happy with this sum yes!! Enough to buy a 10 grand new car, boiler etc.

CommonAsMucklowe · 29/06/2025 15:06

Your friend should try being in my position and then she'd have reason to worry. I would give my eye teeth to swap with her.

Whereismyjoiedevivre · 29/06/2025 13:57

JJMama · 29/06/2025 12:21

In my experience many people panic all their lives about money; how to get it and whether they have enough. They scrimp and save and horde, working all hours missing out on their families, and usually die with tonnes in the bank, having missed the point of life.

Sad. Not much you can do if she wants to be like this. Just ensure you’re doing your own thing and enjoy life. It’s too short to be unhappy and tight.

Exactly!!!

THEDEACON · 29/06/2025 12:44

luckylavender · 27/06/2025 13:42

I don’t think your friend needs you tittle tattling on an open forum about her finances

This

JJMama · 29/06/2025 12:21

In my experience many people panic all their lives about money; how to get it and whether they have enough. They scrimp and save and horde, working all hours missing out on their families, and usually die with tonnes in the bank, having missed the point of life.

Sad. Not much you can do if she wants to be like this. Just ensure you’re doing your own thing and enjoy life. It’s too short to be unhappy and tight.

Caligirl80 · 29/06/2025 05:02

AlexStocks · 28/06/2025 20:05

Yes, you are missing her experience. I grew up poor and now am upper middle class, but poverty never left my mind. It is common for people who experienced money issues to always feel off kilter. I don't know if this is your friend, but something in her experience is bringing her a sense of insecurity.

Exactly right - people who have experienced what it is like to be poor and to have to worry about money sometimes do not lose that perspective and sense of concern no matter what money they earn or how much they have. Plus people who are concerned about money and refuse to spend money on crap/junk etc tend to be the ones who are better able to save their money to buy the bigger ticket items in life. It's the ones who fritter things away on eating out/fast food/takeaway coffee/having their nails done/junk clothes/new car loans and leases etc etc who seem to complain about money and not having any.

Caligirl80 · 29/06/2025 04:51

The person still has a mortgage. And £75k in savings really isn't all that much. Certainly not if they don't have any kind of pension or retirement savings.

Why are you aware of your friend's financial situation anyway? Seems rather odd to know what someone's mortgage balance or savings account situation is - certainly isn't something I would discuss with anyone except my significant other.

You also aren't aware of what, if any, other outgoings they have: if they have children that is an expensive outgoing. They may have other debts that you aren't aware of.

Different people treat risk and financial security in different ways. They certainly don't have enough for retirement if that's all they've saved up so far. They also still have a payment on a mortgage.

Also, it's unclear why on earth you care about what someone else's financial situation is - it has no bearing on you.

OneFluentPombear · 29/06/2025 04:42

It could be a simple case of living without for so long that she can't let go of it now that she no longer has to. This is often found in people who come into money 'suddenly' inheritance/lottery win etc

pollyglot · 28/06/2025 20:07

Why would you announce on a world-wide forum information presumably confided in you by your best friend?? Doesn't matter that it's anonymous - it's a betrayal of confidence.

AlexStocks · 28/06/2025 20:05

Yes, you are missing her experience. I grew up poor and now am upper middle class, but poverty never left my mind. It is common for people who experienced money issues to always feel off kilter. I don't know if this is your friend, but something in her experience is bringing her a sense of insecurity.

Nsky62 · 28/06/2025 19:51

Uuaner · 27/06/2025 13:23

@onehorserace i guess so but I can’t even imagine having 75k and a small mortgage. When my savings reached 15k I was celebrating!

Depends on what you expect in life

Negroany · 28/06/2025 19:35

Screamingabdabz · 28/06/2025 18:58

She’s very privileged to be in that position. Some of us would be happy with £75 left at the end of the month let alone a house worth £600k and £75k in change. The sheer lack of perspective and wasting precious life being ‘anxious’ about wealth that so many people would even dream about is actually offensive.

If you choose to be offended every time you realise someone is better off than you, you must spend a lot of time offended.

greencartbluecart · 28/06/2025 19:06

it depends on life stage

if I was early 20s then it’s a great position

aged 60+ it would be quite concerning unless you knew yih had a great pension lined up

dpsnsizing from a 600k house to. 400k one ( to allow for moving expenses ) is a huge shift - so if you did have to to that it would be very traumatic

yes you could be in a worse position but it’s not stress free. a few expenses and a job loss and it’s all
gone

Screamingabdabz · 28/06/2025 18:58

She’s very privileged to be in that position. Some of us would be happy with £75 left at the end of the month let alone a house worth £600k and £75k in change. The sheer lack of perspective and wasting precious life being ‘anxious’ about wealth that so many people would even dream about is actually offensive.

theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 28/06/2025 18:52

notprincehamlet · 27/06/2025 18:51

Ah yes, the British pastime
Not British. And I reserve my sympathy for those who have to navigate the death of a parent - the fallout, the grief, the endless admin, the expense - without reward.

Yours was a catty and unreasonable post though, British or not.

theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 28/06/2025 18:50

It’s not huge honestly, especially if she has kids and an average job.

She’s in a decent position as long as she builds on it, but If she’s the type to be anxious about money then it’s not enough to prevent that.

GiveDogBone · 28/06/2025 18:47

People who have lots of savings and are in a good financial position tend to be the exact people who are “money conscious and always panicking about the next thing that may go wrong”.

Just saying.

Swiftie1878 · 27/06/2025 20:58

Uuaner · 27/06/2025 13:26

@Cynic17 no idea about a pension, I presume through work but I don’t know

This is the key.

Cornishclio · 27/06/2025 20:42

She still has a pretty high mortgage and the amount of equity she has means nothing unless she sold. The savings is a comfortable cushion and certainly that would be enough for me but until the mortgage was gone I would still be watching my money.

MessageMystery · 27/06/2025 20:36

Uuaner · 27/06/2025 13:17

75k in savings and 150k mortgage on a 600k valued home.

if I was in this position with no debt I wouldn’t be anxious about so many things like temporarily losing employment, having a boiler breakdown, needing a new car… all sorts of financial stress would evaporate.

would you feel the same?

context is my best friend is in this position (inheritance) and is so so money conscious and always panicking about the next thing that may go wrong… even though she clearly has the money if needed?! Am I missing something?

We have a good amount in savings and no mortgage on a house worth 325k. I still have to go to work every day to provide for my family, I still have to think about what I’m spending and what I’m spending it on. I wouldn’t say we are wealthy by any stretch of the imagination and would probably still panic if a big bill came in.

Fundayout2025 · 27/06/2025 20:34

PermanentTemporary · 27/06/2025 16:46

It’s obviously a lot better than not having it, and yes it removes the daily strain of making ends meet.

Trouble is after 6 years of some kind of involvement with elderly family members, £75k = 7 months of care home fees/live in care to me now. Average time for the small number who have to go into homes to be there is two years, and my family is ludicrously long lived so tend to be there for 5 years plus.

At 38 I doubt the OPs friend has to worry about elderly care costs for a while

ThisTicklishFatball · 27/06/2025 19:29

notprincehamlet · 27/06/2025 18:51

Ah yes, the British pastime
Not British. And I reserve my sympathy for those who have to navigate the death of a parent - the fallout, the grief, the endless admin, the expense - without reward.

Calling it a "reward" implies someone went looking for a prize. But most people I know would trade every penny to have the person back. Inheritance isn’t a trophy—it’s often tangled up with guilt, grief, and complicated emotions. And financial stress doesn’t just disappear because the numbers on a bank statement look reassuring.
It’s a curious way to frame it, isn’t it? A "reward" for enduring a parent’s death? Most would give anything for one more conversation, one more year. The money doesn’t cancel grief—and it certainly doesn’t buy emotional peace. But what it does seem to do is invite judgment.
Of course grief deserves compassion—always. But my original point wasn’t about bereavement. It was about the cultural expectation that financial stability should automatically cancel anxiety. Those are two very different conversations, and conflating them only makes both harder to talk about.
And for what it’s worth, emotional stress isn’t a zero-sum game. We’re allowed to hold space for the pain of losing someone, and still examine how society treats people who come into money—as if they’re no longer allowed to feel afraid, overwhelmed, or human.