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Original poster

To treat younger sibling differently to older sibling was at same age?

32 replies

Bringinguptherear · 27/06/2025 10:42

I have two DS three years apart (8 and 11)

For ease and harmony I generally treat them both pretty similarly so the younger sibling gets rolled up into activities, responsibilities and freedoms I wouldn’t have given the older one at the same age.

Talking to a mum of a friend of DS8 who is their eldest, I fear she was quietly appalled at some of my parenting. For example leaving DS8 in the house alone while I go to the shop for 5-10mins (he likes it and is sensible) - would never have left my eldest at that age but DS8 has got used to being left for short periods with his older brother so it didn’t feel like a big step.

Is it just natural that a 8yo who is the youngest in the household will get dragged up a bit faster than one who is the eldest? Or should I be doing more to lay different ground rules for my DC?

OP posts:
Greenfinch7 · 27/06/2025 11:08

I think this is very natural, and children are so different from one another, so are ready for different things at different ages. I certainly left 2 of our kids alone for short periods at young ages, also let one of them out on his own much younger than the others- he was just much more savvy.

Original poster
Bringinguptherear · 27/06/2025 11:04

ShesTheAlbatross · 27/06/2025 10:53

As the eldest child I remember fuming about this sort of thing haha. “Why does she get to do that now when I wasn’t allowed until I was 13!!!!”

i’ve not had this (yet!) - they’re very close and generally like to do the same things together.

OP posts:
Dramatic · 27/06/2025 10:55

I do think you've got to make it a bit fairer, I'm constantly saying to my younger two kids that their elder sisters didn't get to do X at their age so neither do they.

minipie · 27/06/2025 10:54

I do think younger children often get allowed more freedoms earlier yes

Occasionally it works the other way and parents are stricter about some things with younger kids having got it wrong with the older one!

I would not be leaving a child alone at 8 though

ShesTheAlbatross · 27/06/2025 10:53

As the eldest child I remember fuming about this sort of thing haha. “Why does she get to do that now when I wasn’t allowed until I was 13!!!!”

TheNightingalesStarling · 27/06/2025 10:52

You need to treat them as individuals really. Letting your 8yo do everything your 11yo does, even if he's not developmentally ready, or stopping your 11yo do things as your younger child can't is not fair on either of them.

Eldermileniummam · 27/06/2025 10:46

Children are different and you can treat them equally without treating them the same but not sure I'd be leaving an 8 year old in the house alone

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