Please talk me out of IVF!!

Have you adopted? It’s very different to raising birth children and can be extremely challenging

Way to m
iss the point

What has your husband done so far to improve his sperms quality?

You are running after things that won’t make you happy. You’ll just find something else to worry around.

you have a child!

id go to therapy..it can help you accept what is and get back to joy in what you have already, which is a lot, a lot more than most. Think of people with NO children

We had issues conceiving our second (male factor) but we were lucky enough to concieve naturally after 18 months. We were looking at IVF.

Now she's here I wouldn't be without DD for anything BUT I so see the benefits of one child now especially as DS is a bit older!
Of course now I'd love 3 on some level but it isn't a good idea health and wealth wise. Anyway I know having 2 kids I'm speaking from a privileged position but now I'm out the other side a bit I can see the urge to have more children can be so strong but probably does pass. I have lots of friends v happy with one and they can do a lot more.

Don’t do it.
You cannot ask your daughter to compromise on a life with a loving mother, just to fulfil your want of another baby.

I had three IVF miscarriages. One of them put me in intensive care. When I say the physical side of IVF despite that was NOTHING compared to the emotional trauma of it, I really mean it.

But I would have carried on literally until it killed me, because the urge to have a child was so overwhelming it was worth MY life, and I mean that. (I eventually had miracle child naturally, a whole other story).

My point is that you already have a child, and while I know secondary infertility is painful I genuinely believe it's a different pain to having no child at all.

You will at best invest thousands of pounds and all your emotional availability into IVF. And that's if it works. In your circumstances, with a medical condition, gently I think you'd be barmy. You're risking your health and your future with the DC you do have. It's so all-consuming and your DC deserves your health and attention.

(My final fertility was taken by losing my fallopian tubes after DC was born, and in some ways I was glad as it meant I could grieve my fertility rather than keep trying. So I do get it. I really do)

OP have you had therapy? I had infertility issues and found it invaluable to talk it through with someone objective. I was also fixated on that idea of what if something happened to my son and would I feel better if I had another etc. Ultimately my fertility treatment didn't work out and I decided to stop but it is a decision you have to come to in your own time. One thing I found helpful at times was to agree to leave it for a period, say 6 months, and the. Consider it again to try and stop that constant loop of thoughts... might be worth a go. Also 5 or ) months later it has all sunk in and I would say I'm 99% content with our one!

I think your logic is skewed there. Would you not risking all those things by attempting IVF? The trauma of your child losing a mother or suffering a life-altering stroke?

IVF would be a huge gamble too.

if that was to happen, I would never be able to forgive myself for not just being content.

To be brutal - and I’m really sorry to say this - you’d probably be dead and leave your child motherless. Really, please don’t do it. I was told another pregnancy would be tantamount to suicide. I listened.

I'm not sure I would take the risk personally, as you need to think of your existing child and their quality of life if things went wrong. Having said that, I did take the risk of doing a frozen embryo cycle after having had a premature baby due to pre-eclampsia - but I did get medical advice and the odds I was given of having severe pre-eclampsia and another premature baby were low enough for me to take the risk. (Plus I felt morally obliged to give my frozen embryos a chance.)

One suggested thing to consider: you say that the IVF hormone injections are a major risk factor for your condition. Have you looked into natural IVF, which does not use additional hormones?

Death was the main risk people were talking about so I focused on that. But you’re absolutely right - ALL the risks need weighing up. It might be it’s a less than 1% risk if any of those things, they just have to tell you that it is a risk! So I’d want full facts and percentages, what the risks are and what the outcobes of the risks might be to try weigh up my choices. A pack of paracetamol lists a huge amount of possible side effects, yet most of us take them as we deem the risk either low enough to not worry about, or the side effect to be an acceptable thing to put up with. So we are already used to weighing up risks around medical conditions etc which is why I wouldn’t immediately rule out IVF just based on the initial perceived risk if that makes sense, as the risk might actually be minuscule!

Is more treatment for the adenoma possible?

Have your periods returned?

I think you know that you can't do it but looking for validation in that decision being made for you.

I don't have a medical condition like yours. However I have had surgery that means I now can't conceive children naturally so would need IVF. This happened after the second child. I absolutely know that I am done I do not need or want another child. However that biological clock and innate breeding desire side pops up every now and then even still.