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Original poster

Surviving life with a strong willed daughter

157 replies

heartsandtears · 27/06/2025 09:16

Dd is 7 and as the title suggests she is very strong willed and as a result misses out on so much through consequences of this.
She will lose almost all promised treats and never gets any money, she loses out on play dates, screen time all while her siblings enjoy these things because she simply will not do as she’s told.
This morning for example I had promised to take her to McDonald’s after school because her sister was going home with a friend for dinner so we were going to have a treat together, she walked down the stairs in the school skirt I bought her for next winter which is currently too big, I asked her to put her dress on and she refused and I told her if she didn’t change into her school dress she wouldn’t be going to McDonalds so she decided she’d wear the too big skirt and not go to McDonald’s.
This won’t be because she doesn’t want to go it’s because she will not back down.
I want us to have a good relationship but I feel like she misses out on so much and everything seems to be a battle of wills and I just want to love her and enjoy things together but she just will not ever do as she’s told almost of a matter of principle and will eventually lose out on everything she’s looking forward to.
Does anyone have any suggestions on how I can get along with her and get her to do as she’s told?
She is so stubborn and wilful she’ll happily take any consequences as long as she gets her way.

OP posts:
Coffeeishot · 27/06/2025 09:27

DaftNoodle · 27/06/2025 09:25

Pick your battles absolutely and be glad that she knows her own mind. We need more girls in the world like this!!

This, they turn into great women,

Lilactimes · 27/06/2025 09:26

It sounds tricky.
Is she like this at school @heartsandtears ?
Does she have a close bond with you or do you feel that you’re constantly restraining her and telling her off? I’m not judging just sometimes it gets like that and the joy and fun can disappear.
Is it worth trying to increase the fun time, the games, quizzes, colouring, playing hide and seek all together? Then really choose your punishments carefully. It may upset her more if she feels really close to you and loves the fun times and then she may not want to forego this time and listen more carefully.
With my daughter - if I played with her one on one once a fortnight for about half a day - really intense at her level full on game - she would be really well behaved… I could see her behaviour slipping the further away from that day we got , until I played with her again… then she would be more likely to listen to me.
anyway I wish you luck x

DaftNoodle · 27/06/2025 09:25

Pick your battles absolutely and be glad that she knows her own mind. We need more girls in the world like this!!

Twisterpiggy · 27/06/2025 09:25

It sounds like you also won’t back down and are unnecessary stubborn.
What was really the issue with the skirt? If she could wear it then it couldn’t have been that big or it would be at her ankles.

You have to give kids some things they have control over.

Coffeeishot · 27/06/2025 09:24

My Dd was like this, she's 33 now so I get it, but I do think you are now locked in fighting with her you are expecting it,

VirginaGirl · 27/06/2025 09:23

You obviously have many other examples but I'm not sure the skirt is worth the debate. 'Pick your battles' as they say!

Being headstrong isn't a bad thing. I have a son who has always known exactly what he wants to do in life including what he wanted to do for a living and he is now working really hard towards that. He isn't a 'ditherer' which I like. When he was 2, he used to put himself on the naughty step when he knew that I was just about to send him there. Just to beat me to it!

I would advise giving your daughter a bit more say in her own decisions over certain things.

Coffeeishot · 27/06/2025 09:22

You need to find another way to parent her your taking away things isnt working, why did you put the skirt in her wardrobe, set her clothes out for school don't give her free rein or too much choice, say yes sometimes you don't always have to win.