To no longer attend Wedding’s when only invited to the evening

YABU. It obviously depends on whether you like the couple or not. I wouldn’t go if it was someone I wasn’t bothered about. If someone I am bothered about, then of course I will go!
Examples of weddings where I have been an evening guest and v happy to go:

• school friend I don’t see that often but loads of us went in the evening so it was lovely to catch up
• ex colleague who I meet up with a couple of times a year - me and her old line manager went, kind of like work aunties 🤣
• new close friend (think baby group) who didn’t know me while planning the wedding but it was easy to invite us to evening do
• step-niece who I see a few times a year.

All perfectly fine. I had relatives who had never met my partner after 8 years, so I only invited them to the evening. They were pissed off and didn’t come. I just assumed they weren’t bothered about me which is fine.

Any normal person can understand that, I do find people who take offence to only being invited to evening dos quite childish, it’s like their a child throwing a hissy fit because they can’t get their own way. The couple really won’t put much thought into anyone that declines, just seems a lot of effort to be this offended.

I wouldn't travel very far for an evening only invite, but have always enjoyed them. Completely understand how expensive weddings are and tricky guest lists can be. Have always only had an evening only invite when I didn't know the couple that well, but liked them. For this a evening only invite was perfect for me, let me wish them well and celebrate, without having to spend the whole day getting slowly drunk waiting for the photos to finish (not that I mind that either but happy to save that for closer friends and family). Basically I love an evening invite, but if you don't like it, just politely decline.

I love a wedding and am not offended at all by an "evening only" invite from colleagues, friends of my parents (to their children's weddings) or neighbours. I'll go & enjoy them. But if I were to get an evening only do from family or someone I considered a good friend, I would feel a little like an afterthought and would only attend if it didn't involve a hotel stat)too much travel.

I dont get the "but maybe they cant afford everyone all day" excuse. Because I bet they could. I really bet they could.

But they cant afford the big fancy venue, the dressing of said venue, expensive menu choices, huge floral displays etc AND to have all their chosen guests there. So they down grade the guests instead of down grading The Wedding.

Personally I compromised on the "vision" to have the people that mattered. Sadly to some people the vision matters more than the people.

Its all because Getting Married and that meaning having a wedding turned into The Wedding were they happen to get married.

So so bizarre isn’t it. And to suggest the couple only have wedding if they can afford to invite everyone 🤣 surely if that was the case then all weddings would be pretty small and only involve close family and friends. Who are these crazy entitled people?

I love picky food so I will go in your place.

Get a grip! It’s nice to be invited either to the whole thing of the evening do
MN is full of really sour people

Well very easy to explain isn’t it. Not all guests will hold the same importance to the couple, you can understand that? Your friend from a hobby will be less important than say a sibling, you still like them and want them there, but you have an amazing venue you love but it only holds a capacity of 100 people, are you really going to change your dream venue just so a friend from hobby can attend the ceremony? No, that’s pretty ridiculous and anyone that thinks it’s not is delusional. The wedding about the couple, if you don’t want to attend then don’t. It’s not really a big deal for the couple.

Wedding evenings are perfect for work friends, hobby friends, neighbours, church friends. For people who are one of a big group but not a super big friend in their own right. Go or don't go.

I love how some mumsnetters think they are so important and key in the lives of everyone that they meet that being invited to the evening do of a wedding only is seen as some terrible thing. And have the audacity to suggest that the couple pare back their day in order to be able to invite them to the full wedding. It’s full of bizarre self importance and entitlement.

Some people want the wedding ceremony itself to be intimate. Not everyone wants to be the centre of attention.

My nephew and his fiancée don't want a 'big' wedding ceremony and speeches, so have chosen a venue that just fits the extended family and their closest friends.
But they knows that other friends and colleagues would like to celebrate with them, so are having a casual evening do at a different venue.

But what about if the venue only has room for a limited amount of guests? Should the couple just cancel the wedding until they find a venue that can accommodate all their guest list? Not everyone who is invited will be close to the couple so unreasonable to think they just need to have the wedding they can afford, very entitled behaviour. If they do have the wedding they want then it’s fair to say all evening guests wouldnt be invited, so them people will still moan.

Don’t go then 🤷‍♀️ I’m not sure you’ll be missed with that attitude.

I never understand that part. Don’t most people start with their guest list and then look for venues that can handle the number of expected attendees? How do you end up with a venue that is too small?

I find it weird that so many people on this thread expect to be an A list friend to everyone, and if they're not, they're offended too be 'only an acquaintance'.

I'm very happy to be invited to the evening do of someone I get on well and I'm friendly with. I'm not remotely offended that I'm not A list or family, but they'd still like me to be part of their celebration. Being offended strikes me as really odd.

If it's a long way away and expensive to go to, then don't go. But they're no need to be snarky about it or offended. Or as one person said, to withdraw from the friendship.

I got married in the days when there was only one reception and it meant leaving out people I liked. My daughters wedding wasn't at all flashy and they were on a tight budget, but as she's very gregarious, there were more people that she wanted to share her wedding with, then they could afford to have a three course meal for.
Fortunately her friends at work and her old school friends etc, didn't have any qualms at all about accepting an evening invitation, and it was a really lovely and happy occasion with everyone letting their hair down.

It strikes me that those on this thread who are mortally offended at being B list, wouldn't be adding to the joy at all, so no loss to the bride and groom.

That’s the best bit! I wouldn’t travel for one but if I can go without needing to book a hotel or anything, count me in!

yanbu to decide that and in theory (I haven't been to one for years) but I have nothing against going to an evening do for someone I don't know that well, if local. I'd only expect something like a sandwich buffet and would probably eat before I went.

Don’t go then - the bride and groom like you enough to invite you but you aren’t close. My wedding you’d have missed out on a free bar all night and wood fired pizzas cooked to your order.

I think I have only been to one evening do and it was dire. We had to drive for miles as the wedding venue was in the middle of nowhere. The idea was that everyone left their car there and the bride's parents had put on a coach to take people back to their house to crash for the night. They had a very big house. Next morning we would be driven back to middle -of-nowhere venue to collect our cars.

Although evening only guests had been told smart casual, the majority of guests had been to the wedding too which was extremely smart. All the men, and I mean all, not just the main participants but all male guests, were in tails. It was the most pretentious do I have ever been to. I think I realised when, on the second round of drinks, DH opted for a soft drink which way his mind was working. We made our excuses and returned home late that night.

Next morning I was so glad because I realised that the funny smell that had been following me round all night was in fact the dog shit I must have stood in in the car park. Imagine the horror if we had in fact gone back to bride's parents house for the night and I woke up to find I had trod it all over their carpets!

Totally fair. They’re often a PITA to get home from as well. A well placed thanks but no thanks and breathe a sigh of relief 😆

Then they should have the wedding they can afford. It can seem like a gift grab to invite people to the evening only.

All day weddings can be bloody boring. Plus I’ve been invited to evening dos, where I’ve had work during the day so it was fine with me. I wouldn’t travel far for an evening do though, say share a taxi with friends there and back but I definitely wouldn’t be forking out more than £40 for taxis or paying for a hotel.

Never bother going if it is for part of the day as too much expense involved.

Apparently these are two tier weddings, guests divided into A list and Z list 🤣 I find it hard that people can’t understand the venue they are having the wedding ceremony at might only allow a certain amount of people in. I certainly won’t be picking my friend’s new partner of less than a year over my aunty, but I would still like him there in the evening, what’s wrong with that?