To no longer attend Wedding’s when only invited to the evening

Yanbu, I think it's a weird British thing which makes no sense to me. Where I grew up everyone was invited to the actual ceremony (ie. the bit that actually matters), then a smaller subset of closer family and friends were invited to the reception. There were no other events.

Having a specific event for some people to join in, many hours after the ceremony (not sure where you're supposed to go in the interim?) to show that you're not important enough for the main reception is quite odd.

This. And I'd rather spend the money than have someone waiting outside while the day bit ran over, what a horrible faux pas.

Have gone to 2 evening only weddings - never again, DH insisted our normal gift money (£100!). They were both his work colleagues. Still annoyed by it after several years 🙄.

We only ever had one invitation that was evening only and didn't go as it was too far just for an evening and DD1 was tiny also.

Initially we were going to invite colleagues evening only to ours, but it was only about 5 people and the timings didn't work given the wedding was at 3pm, so we just invited them for the whole thing.

Tbh evening do is fine for me past all the boring stuff lol and a night away with hubby to

The evening do is the only good bit of a wedding, and I include my own in that. I’d go if it was local, on a weekend night, and my friends were going. I wouldn’t travel or stay over. It’s a low effort invite and requires a low effort response. If there’s a few of you make a night of it. Go out for dinner or a few drinks first and then go for a dance.

I treat it like any other invitation and make a decision based on whether I can go and whether I actually want to. The latter depends on all sorts of things: who, where, who else is going, the cost, what else I have on that week, any stupid rules about what I have to wear.

What I don't do is get all uptight about being on an A or B list, and I couldn't care less if there's food provided or what it is. Because the food is invariably shit and I will just sort myself out before or after.

My DSis and I were once invited to our cousin's wedding ceremony, but not to the reception, even though we'd been invited to the engagement party. We didn't even get an invitation as such - my aunt just said we could come to the first part. I think she was miffed we'd been excluded as her husband's nieces had been invited to the whole thing, so she brokered a compromise. We declined as it was a fair distance away and we didn't feel very welcome.

Our parents went and said it wasn't the most enjoyable of receptions. DM found her meal inedible and afterwards there was no music or dancing, just an unusually large number of speeches. Apparently, the speeches weren't bad, but you can have too much of a good thing.

I was invited to the ceremony only by a South African couple. I was quite happy to go. I knew I wasn't their family or close friend. Didn't occur to me to be offended they had "ranked" me or that they were "classist" or to accuse them of being "very South African." They could only afford a small reception. So what?

As a group of parents with very young children that didn't often get nights out, we were all ready for a good time, so when we were 'allowed' in we hit the bar and the dance floor, all the other guests were somewhat worn out by that stage, and it pissed off the bride and groom that we entered with with such gusto 😂

The 'day' ran over to the evening, we were locked outside for about 90 minutes and could hear the day guests reacting to speeches inside.

I think I'd have either gone home, or gone to the pub!

Not unreasonable and I think it is a very British thing with it's history of being classist and it is letting friends and family know where they 'rank' in your life. I am originally from Australia and never experienced it before.

I was once invited to a wedding, the 'friend' was from an NCT mothers group, and all the NCT group were evening guests, our kids were all still young so we all had to arrange babysitters. The 'day' ran over to the evening, we were locked outside for about 90 minutes and could hear the day guests reacting to speeches inside.

Another time we received a save the date about 6 months in advance from a second cousin so assumed it was to the whole event, and I knew I would have an 8 week old baby. so we booked accommodation etc in advance, only to find out we were part of half the family that only received evening invites and it would be a paid bar.

See: I don’t get that. Either have everyone or have a smaller event.

Then have a small wedding and invite only the people you can afford to invite, in this case the people who were invited to the main wedding.

What is the reason for not being invited to the wedding ceremony? Is it space?
I've only read about not being invited to the ceremony on MN. I'm Canadian and haven't come across this irl over here.
I will say, though, that perhaps the ceremony is meant for family and very close friends? Maybe the couple feels it's very person and don't want to get too emotional in front of friends, but want them there at tge reception to celebrate snd have fun?
I attended a friend's wedding in europe and the church was very small in the country side. I was one of a few friends invited to the church because the couple were so touched I attended from overseas at considerable expense. Just a thought as well. I wouldn't take it too personally otherwise, but over here it would be odd to be excluded from one part.

YANBU even if some others enjoy the evening reception more than the rest of the day. Better to just say “thanks, but I can’t make it” than not enjoy it, and waste their money. I’d probably still send a small gift, but I wouldn’t break the bank over it.

I don't go if it's just the evening. It just feels rude.

I've always thought weddings are to celebrate with those who are important to you and to witness you and your loved one making a commitment.

Being invited to the evening just feels like 'we like you but we felt we had to invite you just becuase'

I think they are disappearing. I will only travel or pay to stay for a full day proper invite but an evening do is fine if local. They don’t seem to happen where I live now tho! It’s either come for the full day or not 😆 If I were close enough to pay for a babysitter and want to go I’d expect I’d be close enough for a full day invite so oddly enough have never been invited to evening only!

I will only travel or pay to stay for a full day proper invite but an evening do is fine if local. They don’t seem to happen where I live now tho! It’s either come for the full day or not 😆 If I were close enough to pay for a babysitter and want to go I’d expect I’d be close enough for a full day invite so oddly enough have never been invited to evening only!

Are people really this upset and taking a huff because they are only invited to the evening do of an acquaintance? Bizarre.

I love a wedding and would prefer to just go to the evening than not at all. But it obviously depends on logistics. I wouldn't massively put myself out if e.g. I wasn't close to the couple and it required a long drive/overnight stay/childcare.

No thanks. Card in the post instead. Probably second class stamp.

If you don't want to go, you don't. It's not a big deal. I probably wouldn't go either.

But they cant afford the big fancy venue, the dressing of said venue, expensive menu choices, huge floral displays etc AND to have all their chosen guests there. So they down grade the guests instead of down grading The Wedding.

My daughter didn't have any if those things @PyongyangKipperbang . So I'm not sure what you expect people like her to downgrade, so that she can invite her work colleagues and hobby friends.

Most of us recognise that our friends have other friends, and that while we're all valued, we're not all equal. And that some people have large extended families that will come first.

It really is spectacularly egotistical to expect to be treated in the same way as family members and besties, if you're neither.

Awful