To no longer attend Wedding’s when only invited to the evening

I duno I like it. I can find the whole day a bit long. I've been to a few evening weddings this year and had a great time. Tbh they were people from a wider friendship group who I haven't known all that long. Lots of my close friends were there so it was nice to be included. They also did a separate meal (hog roast, pizzas etc.) About an hour after arrival so there was food. I had a great time.

This is true. The wait between the ceremony and 'breakfast' is always too long for the day guests with all the fannying around with photos. They're usually half famished and drinking already by that point!

I actually prefer the evening to the day! I don't really like the ceremonies - all the gushing, the cringeworthy speeches, terrible food, sitting cheap chairs with those horrible covers, the hours of waiting around with nothibg to do but drink. By the evening everyone has let loose and all the bridezilla nonsense is over. I do agree about the party food, but would eat beforehand, personally.

If you don't like it, done go though!

Well speak for yourself! It is good etiquette to care and consider your own guests.

It was my first thought as I planned my own wedding. The comfort of guests should be at the very top of everyone’s list - they are not just fodder to be wheeled out to pad out the numbers, and grin like Cheshire cats for the photos! They are real people with needs and feelings. Jesus. Hey lucky them they also get to pay for the privilege too 🙄

Evening invites are usually issued by people who don't want to pay for you to have the wedding breakfast, but want you to fill up their dance floor.

I dislike them. We didnt have evening guests. If you made the cut you got invited for the lot.

I’ve only been once and won’t be going again I think - maybe it if was in a local pub that also has an area open to the public then fair, but we got there (1h drive) and as we were about to go in (doors fully open, could see the bride and groom) someone had to stop us and say we had to wait in the hotel lobby/bar area and closed the doors to the salon.

So we were there waiting for about 2 hours, paying for drinks at a mid hotel in the middle of nowhere. Eventually the doors opened, there were some tables scattered around and a corner with bacon sandwiches and a sheet cake.

I’m not British so the paying for your own drinks is already odd to me, but the whole thing just felt like we were walked into someone’s left overs after a party finished. The bride looked happy though so that’s what matters!

The thing is for all of the YANBU brigade, the wedding isn’t all about you! Most wedding venues are able to seat a set number of guests during the day but then can hold many more for the evening when all the big tables are rearranged. So if you invite, say, the maximum for the venue of 80 for the day at £75 a head, you can then invite a further 40 in the evening for £20 a head. If I were perhaps a work colleague then I wouldn’t expect to attend all day but would be happy to attend in the evening.

I loved it when I was young, basically just going to the party bit of the wedding, fantastic. Haven't been invited to what we in Ireland call 'the afters' in years, think I'm too old! But might still go depending on how I feel. Don't find it insulting, just a recognition that weddings are very expensive and people have to limit numbers below who they'd like to be there.

I went to an evening only invite once, it was over an hours drive away. Got there on time. The day part overran by about an hour, me
and my husband stood in the garden of the grounds waiting. I’m quite sure we were the only evening only guest as so other extra guests turned up the hour that we waited. Once we were allowed in we stuck
around for an hour and left, as I felt like a pity invite.

It depends who it is. My sister got married a few months ago in a registry office with family and a few close friends. Work colleagues and other friends all came to the reception. If I was only invited to the evening do for the wedding of a very good friend or close family member I'd feel excluded but I think the situation I described above is fine. Her work colleagues and friends of friends didn't expect to be invited to the service itself, some stayed ages at the party and some just stayed an hour to show their face.

We didn't have evening guests, we had a few friends who couldn't make the whole day so they turned up in the evening. As far as I was concerned, if I liked you enough to invite you to my wedding I liked you enough to invite you to the whole thing.

I remember being invited to the evening only and also being given the wedding gift list. Turns out we were the only ones only invited to the evening out of all the people we knew who got invited. She was my bridesmaid as well! Needless to say we didn't go. Although as my cat actually died the following week I don't feel any form of guilt.

I wet to one recently, it was exactly as OP described, drunk guests already, hardly any food, miles from home and cost me £50 on a gift, on top of travel and hotel. Hardly saw the happy couple. Was all a bit shit.

I don't like weddings (or any big, dressing-up occasion) so I'm happy not to go to either.

We were invited to one of our nieces wedding,but only reception.The venue was over 150 miles away.We did have food,which was average.The venue was large,but had so many guests,we could hardly move.Niece did not even introduce us to the Groom.This year,the sister invited us to the wedding reception.We declined.Previously Weddings included all relatives aged 0-100.Old fashioned,but inclusive.I am a all or nothing person,if I am invited to half the event, then i would think they won't mind if we decline?

It depends I would go to a local evening do or drive/taxi to one a short drive away. I wouldn’t pay for a hotel or any big expenses though.

That might be because weddings are so crazy now. I know a woman (daughter of a titled mum) who had her reception in the local school hall so she could invite everyone she wanted. Her priority was to share the day with those she cared about, not the instagram-ability of the event afterwards.

Good for her!

I think it's quite useful for folk like work colleagues who probably wouldn't want to go to the whole day unless they are a special friend.

I only go to ones that are close enough that I don’t need to book a hotel. A more casual acquaintance and just an evening do isn’t worth the cost of the hotel for me.

But I have no issue with the idea of evening only guests.

Currently planning my wedding too. It’s an odd one but I hadn’t even considered it being ‘two-tier’. It’s my second wedding and the ceremony and main reception is literally around 30 people. Our children, parents, siblings and my best friend & family, his best friend. We wanted intimate. We’re then going for afternoon tea as that group.

Then, we will move the the evening venue where we’ve invited around 60 more. This starts around 6, we’ll arrive at same time (no waiting outside!) and it’s in the town we live in. We can walk home! We’ll do speeches and first dance there, cake, all manner of fun and food. People have been delighted with that invite (to my face at least!) No-one has turned us down as they accept our choice and care about us….

It’s absolutely shocking and so rude to leave your own guests waiting. Staggeringly ooor form! Nothing ceases to amaze me when it comes to weddings. The cf entitlement is off the scale. I hope you kept the receipt for the wedding gift!

It entirely depends on the distance involved and my relationship with the couple.
i was very pleased to be invited to a work colleague’s evening do in the next town.
But we didn’t bother with DH’s 2nd cousin 4 hours away.

I have always quietly considered it to be rude. I have the mentality of all or nothing too op. Evening only has always felt like half an invite to me.

Honestly, this has to be the saddest thing I've ever seen on here.

Stay at home then. You sound like you would prefer it if people stopped inviting you to things. Tell them this. It will save them a card and a stamp.

We arrived at a wedding where this happened too, and were made to feel very uncomfortable. We left our gift, which they never actually thanked us for, and went home (declining the offer to wait at someone's house for at least an hour until they 'were ready for us'). Felt bad we'd dragged our young child out for nothing (he was invited). A single friend did the same. We felt very unwelcome.

I am at the stage where I'll only really consider attending the weddings of folk I'm actually quite close to, having been to quite a few over the years! I've never really understood the point of evening only, tbh.