To no longer attend Wedding’s when only invited to the evening

But if I’d like Brian from work there why can’t I invite him to the evening do? He doesn’t have to come if it doesn’t work for him, but I’d rather invite him to the evening than not at all.

If close by I don't mind but I wouldn't travel miles away and have to stay overnight to go to evening only event.

This is another one of those things I only see on mumsnet.

Im mid 40s with a huge extended family, plus obviously friends and worked in lots of places - i.e. been invited to a lot of weddings, some years there seemed to be one every weekend of the summer. And in almost all of them there were separate evening guests - it’s not a new thing, this is going back decades. The exceptions were the few destination weddings.

Same as how the overwhelming majority were close family/ bridal party children only.
I’ve also only ever been to one with a completely open bar (yes that couple were much posher than the rest of us!)

We invited some people separately to the evening, we ensured they got a couple of drinks each and were well fed. Obviously only people who lived locally too. If they were offended they didn’t show it - but then for the majority of them I’d been an evening guest to their wedding so it would have been a bit hypocritical.

I’ve never taken offence at an evening invite and never been shocked like ‘I thought I was day invite worthy!’.

Plus the ‘just have a cheaper wedding and invite everyone’ - I don’t know what these mythical cheap as chips wedding venues where you can have hundreds of guests for the same price as a few extra evening invites. We actually looked at all the church and village hall type weddings and they worked out a lot more than we ended up paying in a nice venue (still a pub though!). But the maximum capacity for the day was 75 - apparently we should have given up a venue we loved, was affordable, local for most guests and provided amazing food and pub rather than hotel prices for drinks - for what? A leisure centre maybe? The local harvester? Bet you they would have worked out pretty pricey in the end, there really is no ‘cheap option’ unless you have no guests at all.

Perfectly reasonable decision, just decline politely when receiving an invitation.

No.
Simply invite folk all day or don't invite them at all.

Both are options.

It depends really on if I have to put myself out to go, if it's local and I'm not doing anything else then I might go

I was invited to the evening do of a destination wedding! Wtf! I'm not wasting time and money just to attend the evening part of a wedding abroad. Some people need to get over themselves, they're really not that important for me to waste my annual leave on.

The couple were really pissed off that a lot of people declined the invitation, completely self absorbed pair of twats.

I wouldn't be buying an expensive gift or a new outfit. I would drive, and DD is an adult and has left home.

For a recent evening do I went to the couple paid for a luxury coach from the local pub.

Evening dos needn't be expensive, and I don't subscribe to the view that going to the theatre or staying in to watch TV is better than celebrating a friend's marriage.

It must be exhausting to be so easily offended.

Are people really suggesting that couples plan their entire wedding, maybe even forgoing their dream venue and paring down what they actually want, so they can invite Brian from work to the whole event? Really?

There’s a grabby, rude and entitled party in that scenario, and it’s not the couple.

I'd go to one if it was nearby, I wouldn't travel a great distance or internationally for it. No problem with an evening invite though, especially if I'm a work friend.

The evenings the best bit! The daytime is a bit boring.

I agree OP. If you are not good enough for the whole wedding...don't go at all.

I wouldn't have thought it's that common to have evening guests who have to travel miles to get there.

Very unmumsnet but I enjoy a wedding...day or evening...and I'm an introvert and not even particularly sociable.

To me an evening invite is just like a night out but with a bit more of a purpose.

I think it depends on context and travel. I’ve only been invited as an evening guest once - to the wedding of a couple from our NCT group. All the mums from NCT were invited as evening guests, which seemed appropriate given we really were just acquaintances. I went for an hour or two, had some cheese and crackers and went home. It was local. Totally fine. It was nice they even considered inviting me.

That said, it’s the only wedding I’ve ever been to that had evening guests. We didn’t, and I’ve never been to another that did. The party at the end isn’t the most interesting bit. I would much rather see the actual wedding than go to the party after (that’s the bit I’m usually trying to escape anyway). But for an acquaintance, I wouldn’t be offended and I’d possibly still go if local and childcare not an issue (children also invited).

Rent a crowd 😀

I just think it’s cheap. They want the numbers for a party on the cheap basically.

Yes it is expensive. A gift for the couple is expensive, taxis, outfits and babysitting all costs money! No one is going to turn up empty handed either are they!

I am not offended personally but I do have better ways to enjoy my time and money.

The fiddlers invitation. I'm with you on this . Unless it's local and I've nothing else on I'm not going. We had whole day invites at our wedding only because we wanted the friends and family we love to spend the whole day with us .

How is that really different though. It's still two different groups invited to different bits? I understand some people may prefer it that way round if they prefer the ceremony to the dancing and socialising (and other may feel the opposite) but it's still 'two tier guests' as people on here call it. I have also been to ceremony and tea / cake after bit not reception for a couple of religious people and was very happy to be there, but in my head it was their version of someone else I inviting to evening only.

I'm happy with an evening only invitation, although how much I enjoy them usually depends on who else is going and how up for a dance etc they are (but then my enjoyment of the whole day would probably also depend on who else was there). I do think the examples here where people were just left outside waiting are examples of bad hosting and rude though.

We had a very small ceremony/ reception (20 people) then around 70 in evening. I'm sure everyone on Mumsnet thinks we are terrible, but it suited us - we didn't want to have to do vows, walking down the aisle etc in front of loads of people, or to spend the money for a sit down meal for 70 people. However we did want a party with people we cared and about and didn't want to leave them out all together. We did consider being brave and having everyone at a late ceremony and then going straight into an evening party with substantial buffet, but we had DHs grandparents to consider and thought they'd want a sit down meal etc and actually we wanted to make more of the day for us too. Our evening do had disco, decent buffet, arrival drinks and cake cutting. I'd happily go to a birthday party that had less, so I don't see why suddenly when it's a wedding that's a terrible event / imposition. Most of our evening guests were local but a few travelled. I wouldn't have been offended if they hadn't though. I have also travelled back for their evening dos in some cases.

I know a lot of people are saying book the wedding / venue where you can afford all those people, but realistically there is no cheap way of doing a sit down meal for 100+ that I know, and you can bet if you only have a buffet in a hall for a full day event there would people on Mumsnet complaining about that too... People on here love to complain about how they don't think they've been treated well enough at weddings!

I'm going to an ex colleagues evening do next month and very glad I am. If it came to a choice of not being invited at all or just going to evening, I'd much rather have the option of evening.

If course don't go if it doesn't sound like something you'd enjoy it travel too much etc, but bring offended by the invitation and having blanket rules about all or nothing is cutting off your nose to spite your face I think.

Being an evening wedding guest isn't expensive unless it isn't local.

Mumsnet is littered with self important professionally offended people.

YANBU - I am the same - it’s just not worth it.

I wish we did evening only invites where I’m at.

it sounds fab! You get to turn up in a fancy frock (don’t need to faff around with morning dress!), have some lovely apéro style bits and dance the night away! Sounds lovely to me 😍

where I’m at it‘s the opposite around:

many people have a separate afternoon part (for everyone) and reserve the evening for the special guests.

So if you’re a „B-List“ guest you may end up being invited to the ceremony and the reception and that’s it. No dancing, no letting loose etc.

its usually the ceremony (which obviously requires church appropriate attire) and a formal reception with some canapés (and an admittedly usually rather decent selection of alcoholic beverages).

edit: it‘s still lovely and I still appreciate those wedding invitations. But especially with travel they tend to take up the whole day for 1-1.5 hours of ceremony and 2 hours of reception….

Only to the professionally offended.

YABU. My evening reception is the main thing for everyone anyway as I’m eloping!!

I sincerely hope the reception venue does provide enough food for evening guests! BUT tbh I would expect that a party starting at 7.30-8, the evening guests will have had their evening meal….