To no longer attend Wedding’s when only invited to the evening

So what about those people who get married abroad, or who have a small, family-only registry office wedding, but then have a big party to celebrate the event on a whole different day? Would people really not go to the party because they 'weren't invited to the whole wedding'?

I'm really glad that my friends and family are the type to be happy to be included in whatever capacity, go along and celebrate with joy, whatever the occasion.

Jeez you really are aren't you 🤩

So you'd prefer not to be invited at all, then?

No night out, no seeing friends and family, no celebrating with the happy couple ... but ego left pleasantly unbruised?

It’s a phenomenon I’ve only seen in this country and find it really weird.

Totally agree, some people really have a chip on their shoulders

”second rate citizen”
“gift grabbing”

“just rude to be only invited to part of it”
“ 2 tier wedding guest list”

we had a “2 tier wedding guest list” immediate family only during the day and friends, work colleagues and extended family at nights, thankfully everyone came to help us celebrate our big day without a dig at being “second rate guests”.

To those saying not worth it do you go to any evening parties eg birthday etc?

I wouldn't pay for a hotel to attend one but I always enjoy a party and this is no different. Often evening only invites are for groups like work colleagues, hobby friends etc so there is normally a gang of people you know to have a good time with.

They can’t apparently. They think they so incredibly special and important to everyone they meet that they simply must be invited to the full ceremony of every single person that they meet

I've only once been to the evening do only. It was for a colleague's wedding. She invited a whole group of us, it was at a distance, so we all went together in a minibus and stayed at the same hotel overnight. On arrival there was loads of food and we had a lot of fun. But it did seen weird not to have witnessed the actual wedding and not having much idea who all the other guests were.

Then being at a wedding where other people turn up for the evening do also feels weird. You've already eaten and partied and it lamely has to start all over again.

I think weddings should be a single cohesive event with all guests involved throughout.

A friend said this about a wedding evening do once & I thought it was so rude. I never knew it was a thing to be offended by not being invited to the whole day! Weddings are so expensive so many couples cannot invite everyone they know. I enjoy an evening do & have food first (I eat early) & have a drink and a dance 💃 .

@pikkumyy77

no because it would cost to have everyone there for the full thing and unnecessary

Well thats the problem though. You cant ask before hand what kind of event the evening do will be...I work in London, one of my colleagues invited a couple of us in person to his evening do and gave us the date, and we said thanks great, love to come... only to discover when he sent the details that it was in a golf club in the middle of nowhere in North Yorkshire, and all the nearest affordable accommodation was booked up by the day-guests. They didn't lay on any food, and it was a cash bar. The entertainment was their ipod hooked up to the speakers. The groom was understandably too busy with family and bride to have a proper chat, it was just a really rubbish evening which cost us a fortune in travel and hotel costs.

What a bunch of self involved misery guts! “WAH I DIDNT MAKE THE A TEAM.” Jesus Christ. I love an evening only do, I love just a ceremony invite, I love a whole day invite.

Surely you all understand that there are different levels of relationship?!

@Morgenrot25

she really doesn’t need to do that.

@UnicornMamma

maybe it’s more “we like you but not as much as some other people eg immediate family” or “we like you but we don’t see you as much as others”

you can’t be in everyone’s inner circle!

"Nobody has hundreds of “ friends/family” they are close to. Evening do’s are a waste of time, money and effort to provide and also to attend. Invite all those close to you to your whole wedding and be done. YADNBU"

Different families do different things. In some families all relatives are invited because they are regarded as big family get togethers but if you are an adult second cousin you assume the invite is likely to be for the evening only.

You don't need to invite "Brian from work". Where I work, nobody minds if colleagues don't invite you to their wedding, unless you're a particular friend. They usually say "we're just having a small do". No-one is offended.

I'm off to an evening invite soon, for a cousin. And actually it's my second this year. One was a weekend, the other a weekday so that fits for me. I wouldn't be able to take a day off unless unpaid anyway. I've also been to a surprise wedding which was disguised as a 40th birthday for the majority of guests.

I love it to be honest. It's a catch up, a dance and head home.

I prefer the evening! Everyone else is knackered and you arrive all fresh and lovely to reinvigorate the event.
Went to one last weekend and the hosts were so pleased to see us fresh faces turn up with our dancing feet.

YABU and a grump!

I'm not saying you shouldn't go on nights out with colleagues, but if you want them to actually feel part of your wedding then you invite them to the whole day, imho.
Anyway, there's no right or wrong - this is a discussion, with different views being expressed. All are allowed. All are valid.

How on earth do you 'get through life' when that's your response to a different opinion?

Gosh, how on earth do you get through life with views like this?

Do people have to constantly tread on eggshells around you?

Because we’re not that close- it would be weird to invite him to watch me get married, and he would find it weird too. But an evening do with drinks and other colleagues etc, sure he’d probably be up for that.

If you really can’t understand the concept of close friends vs not close friends then I can’t help you.

Nobody has hundreds of “ friends/family” they are close to. Evening do’s are a waste of time, money and effort to provide and also to attend. Invite all those close to you to your whole wedding and be done. YADNBU

Invite him to the whole day if you actually want him there.

I had a very small wedding and meal (25 family and best friends) I invited everyone else in the evening because I wanted them to share the day but couldn’t afford for them to come all day. It was local and most people came . I hope they didn’t feel 2nd best .