To no longer attend Wedding’s when only invited to the evening

Gosh no. I only enjoy the actual wedding ceremony itself. The rest is so boring.

I certainly wouldn't want to be slaughtered on arrival, sounds a bit sacrificial

The evening do is the best bit! The actual wedding part is boring.

I quite like going out. I also can't stay at home tucked up under a blanket with my little family as unless you class the cats as family it's just me!

But I'm not going to waste money on a new frock, buy a present, pay travel, to go to a party where most people have been drinking since early afternoon.

Getting married isn't about the party, we hear that so much on here, watching someone say their vows is an honour, being invited to the party afterwards because you aren't important enough to be included in the main event, not so much.

People keep mentioning birthday parties, but that usually isn't split into different tiers of guests.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable to choose not to go. I wouldn’t travel or make a very big effort to attend one either.

But I also don’t think evening invites are inherently a negative thing either. Most people have some friends or acquaintances that they like enough to want to celebrate with, but not spend £100+ on to host for dinner. So as long as they don’t try and guilt trip anyone into attending, I think evening invites are reasonable but so is someone declining one.

You shouldn’t be ‘stretching out’ the guest list unless you can be hospitable to your guests and offer them drinks, food and a decent warm welcome, on time, in the evening at the very, very least.

It is NOT kind inviting guests to pay for themselves to pad out your evening party!

Precisely, we had a 3.30pm wedding drinks before the meal which was served at 6pm, then 8pm to 10pm there were drinks in the garden with music playing. We were lucky with the weather. No evening party, 34 years ago, almost to the day.

Some of our friends from London hired a mini bus and continued the party on the way home! Others just stayed one night.

I can only recall two couples having evening parties and they both had afternoon receptions with canapés and fizz rather than a sit down meal and the evening invitations were to acquaintances and staff rather than friends and family. In both cases there was a large spread, a free bar and dancing. It was a very long day though.

Our DC are caught up in the whirl of weddings at present. It all sounds quite similar and there doesn't seem to be much excess or drama unlike on here. DS and DIL chose not to do favours but donated what they would have spent to a charity. Like us, they had a late afternoon wedding - logistically it works.

Wow! You do know that weddings are really expensive and that a lot of thought often goes into stretching the guest list a little further so more friends can come, right?
It’s not all about you, you know. If you don’t want to attend, then RSVP to that effect - don’t complain about the happy couple’s kind invitation, it comes across as entitled and ungrateful…

I’ve never been to a wedding with no food in the evening , and I’ve been to loads of weddings with a variety of budgets. Surely they always have food of some description?

BTW, ours wasn't a destination wedding. We got married in my hometown in south London, but DH is from the north east and my extended family were in the south west.

Why do people have such long, drawn out weddings?

Why not have an afternoon wedding and make it easier for your guests. That is why we got married at 3 o'clock. It allowed for people to travel on the day and for them to only need to pay for one night's accommodation.

I much prefer an evening only invite. Whole day weddings are always so long and drawn out. I'm very happy to just turn up for the actual party.

I'm never offended about being invited to the evening do only. I just wouldn't go because usually the relationship with the bride and groom isn't strong enough for me to feel like I'd offend them either by not going.

To me it's just like being invited to an evening out and I can choose to say yes or no depending on whether I think I'll enjoy it. Therefore it's usually a no!

No, I think it's sad that people are turning their noses up at an evening invitation.

It's nice to be invited.

But if there is no food at an evening do then what is the hospitality? There is usually never a welcome drink.

you attend the evening do, taking a card and usually something small as a gift (£20 voucher say) and then pay for drinks, no food offered.

Yes, the food can vary, but it's not the point. Enjoy the hospitality...

Do you think people turn their noses up at budget weddings? That's sad, isn't it.
I went to one a couple of years ago where the reception was held in their (modest) back garden, and all the food prepared by the bride, her mum and grandma. Proper budget do, but great, and a lot of fun.

Oh my god! That's awful! Did you ever get any kind of reason?. (Apart from the fact they're ill mannered!)

Yes, invitation to the evening part of a destination wedding is a bit much!

@PulchritudinousLycanthrope

I know!

my post was in reference to @TeriBW who complained that the food was often inadequate at evening dos. Like you, I feel it’s sad someone would decline on such a basis.

If having to travel miles and arrange accommodation i can understand that this will be too much for some for various reasons

but its a bit mean not to go just because you feel you should have been invited for the whole day. Weddings are costly and for many the ceremony they only want those very close to them to share this moment

A nice party/disco in the evening with buffet - great.

But… and I have trotted this tale out on MN several times (!) - years ago dh and I were invited to evening reception of an old schoolfriend of dh’s. We drove 2.5 hours and when we arrived - at the appointed time - the day reception was still in progress with people seated at tables and we had to sit and wait in the foyer. We were there ages and it gradually dawned on us that no other extras were joining us - we were the only evening guests . A member of staff told us there was no evening food. This was all too humiliating so we left and drove home - with the present. Dh never spoke to said friend again.

I never mentioned the food. You don't have to eat the food or go at all. I would rather be invited to an evening do than not be invited at all.

Weddings aren't like they used to be years ago. You could hire a hall and have 100 people sit down to a simple meal and everyone would love it but now, unless the whole lot costs 30k and more, people turn their noses up.

Sad.

I went to a ‘big’ wedding. No expense spared. Ceremony adorable but lots of waiting around in the heat, and because of huge numbers the delicious wedding breakfast took ages but the evening party was an absolute blast. One of the best parties I’ve been to. So I kind of prefer the evenings.

@TeriBW

it not about the food!! The food really isn’t important at such things