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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU for attending show with male friend?

118 replies

CrossingBoundaries007 · 26/06/2025 20:35

I've been started dating this man less than a year ago and he recently proposed.

all was well until I found out he had given out his number to 2 different women on dating sites after he had proposed to me. Living some pictures etc.

when I confronted him he said he forgot to deactivate the account. Then I told him about his recent conversations but he lied and said that he wasn't active even though I had read all their conversations.

He stopped talking to me for a week. I got pissed off and a male friend invited me to see a show with him. Normally I would decline but this time I agreed cos I wanted to go out.

Fiance is now angry with me and acting really pissed.

AIBU to think there was nothing with me going to the show with my friend?

OP posts:
CheeseWisely · 27/06/2025 21:18

FGS why would you even want to be married to this man? You can’t be that desperate to be married that you’ll just take anyone surely? Bin him off OP.

Horses7 · 27/06/2025 21:12

CrossingBoundaries007 · 26/06/2025 22:04

He keeps saying that I should fight for us and that's what any smart woman would do. That when we get married what if worse things happen and I can't overcome them.

Hilarious!! You’ve got to admire his barefaced arrogance - you can’t trust a word he says AND he’s trying to gaslight you into thinking this is somehow your fault.
You can’t possibly have a future with this lowlife - you will never be able to trust him. Respect yourself and move on.

worstofbothworlds · 27/06/2025 20:15

CrossingBoundaries007 · 26/06/2025 22:04

He keeps saying that I should fight for us and that's what any smart woman would do. That when we get married what if worse things happen and I can't overcome them.

He means what if he does worse things. What does he have in mind, stealing all your money, sleeping with your best friend?
Get rid. Ask your male friend to introduce you to some non cheating men.

Morningsleepin · 27/06/2025 20:03

Try the Freedom Programme, OP. You have a lot of learning to do

Givenupshopping · 27/06/2025 19:44

OP, I note that you've made several posts since I asked you if you had yet been persuaded to dump this waste of space, but you haven't answered. Surely by now you can see that you're just wasting your time on him?

ChristmaslightsuptilJanuary · 27/06/2025 19:32

Is he wanting to move into your house or for you to support him financially?

in any case, I agree with everyone else- a life of misery awaits unless you get rid asap

Laura95167 · 27/06/2025 19:23

CrossingBoundaries007 · 26/06/2025 22:04

He keeps saying that I should fight for us and that's what any smart woman would do. That when we get married what if worse things happen and I can't overcome them.

A smart woman would know that no woman ever got what she actually wanted by lowering the bar.

"What if worse things happen and you can't get over them?" What worse things like you catch him cheating in your bed instead of on his phone? Why would you want to overcome that?

Hes not a prize to be won. Let him go and love yourself the way you wish he had.

Laura95167 · 27/06/2025 19:18

CrossingBoundaries007 · 26/06/2025 21:08

He said he was sorry and didn't plan on meeting up with any of them.

Show quote history

Oh well thats alright then.. ffs

Laura95167 · 27/06/2025 19:16

YABU for normally refusing to see your friend because it's a male friend but now seeing him just to wind up your fiance. Your friend deserves better

But also this fiancé is a lying cheating pig, dont marry this one

Original poster
CrossingBoundaries007 · 27/06/2025 19:07

Userengage · 27/06/2025 18:54

I am surprised you are asking. When you typed out your OP, you must have re-read and thought WTF.

🥹 I think all his gaslighting has probably done one on my brain cells. I've just tolerated too much and got used to "managing him"

OP posts:
Missj25 · 27/06/2025 19:03

CrossingBoundaries007 · 26/06/2025 20:42

He has been sending me flowers, apologising etc but I don't think I can trust him. He's divorced and I am aware cheating was a major part of the issues that led to their divorce. He says he's changed but how?

You don’t think you can trust him , YOU CAN’T TRUST HIM !!!!!
He is divorced because of cheating, what else is he going to say to you , other than he had no intention of meeting them !🙄 ..
Cheating & lieing go hand in hand …
You’d be a very foolish woman to continue this relationship….

AffIt · 27/06/2025 19:01

Respectfully - ah, actually, no, bin that, I don't mean it.

What I actually mean is: are you fucking mad?!

This is so far beyond what a normal relationship looks like that it's dropped off the horizon and now it's turtles all the way down...

Userengage · 27/06/2025 18:54

I am surprised you are asking. When you typed out your OP, you must have re-read and thought WTF.

Wishimaywishimight · 27/06/2025 18:53

Twisterpiggy · 26/06/2025 20:37

I’m going to go out on a limb and say stop considering yourself engaged to this man that you barely know.

Yep! You are a fool if you marry this person.

Sometimes I can scarcely believe the rubbish people are willing to accept.

Original poster
CrossingBoundaries007 · 27/06/2025 18:50

PhotoFirePoet · 27/06/2025 18:24

That is master manipulation, plus gaslighting; he is toxic, OP. I was with an abusive partner for a decade, and this is exactly the kind of word salad he would throw at me.

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The gaslighting is utterly insane!

OP posts:
GiveDogBone · 27/06/2025 18:48

YABU, it was just a petty attempt to get your own back on him. If he’d slept with somebody, would you have also done that?

Fairyvocals · 27/06/2025 18:43

Stop analysing, just dump him.

Justletmemoveon · 27/06/2025 18:36

PhotoFirePoet · 27/06/2025 18:24

That is master manipulation, plus gaslighting; he is toxic, OP. I was with an abusive partner for a decade, and this is exactly the kind of word salad he would throw at me.

Show quote history

I agree. This has emotional abuse written all over it.

Please op don’t carry on with this man. You’re getting good advice here.. please, please take it.

PhotoFirePoet · 27/06/2025 18:24

CrossingBoundaries007 · 26/06/2025 22:04

He keeps saying that I should fight for us and that's what any smart woman would do. That when we get married what if worse things happen and I can't overcome them.

That is master manipulation, plus gaslighting; he is toxic, OP. I was with an abusive partner for a decade, and this is exactly the kind of word salad he would throw at me.

FairKoala · 27/06/2025 07:59

CrossingBoundaries007 · 26/06/2025 22:04

He keeps saying that I should fight for us and that's what any smart woman would do. That when we get married what if worse things happen and I can't overcome them.

What exactly does that look like?

Does he want you to fight the women he is chatting to or is it that he wants you to do the Pick Me Dance

What happens if you said you couldn’t be arsed. There is never going to be a marriage.

He is getting ahead of himself

Darby3785 · 27/06/2025 06:54

Hi OP

Do not get caught up in the fantasy of engagement and marriage! He is showing you who he is now, don't marry him and get yourself into a messy situation when you have to divorce him for his cheating ways!!

You have been thrown a lifeline. Please take it and dump him!!

Shoxfordian · 27/06/2025 05:42

A smart woman would have dumped him when she found those messages, be that woman op!

whynotmereally · 27/06/2025 05:39

Why would it be an issue for you to go out with a male friend? Does he not let you?

yes you should end it, he’s chatting to other women on dating sites while engaged to you. He will cheat , you can’t trust him.

myfriendsfamily · 27/06/2025 05:35

Wait, I don’t really care about whether YABU! You aren’t, for what it’s worth!

However, this dude has cheated on you. Throw him back!

Original poster
CrossingBoundaries007 · 27/06/2025 05:31

I hear everyone loud and clear. I think I needed my head to catch up with my heart.

The funny part is that he has remained in very close contact with one of his exes throughout our relationship, telling me they are just friends. I never stressed him out over it.

OP posts:
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