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Original poster

New colleague staring at my cleavage- is this my fault ?

488 replies

dtarer · 26/06/2025 19:29

I sometimes wear tops that show some cleavage. It’s hard to avoid in most tops that aren’t super high cut.

I notice men sometimes look. But today in a meeting, a man did not stop staring.

his gaze was fixed the entire time he was talking to me. It was extremely uncomfortable.

I somehow feel it’s my fault this happened. But I really love this top and I don’t think it’s obscene. I find it hard to avoid showing some cleavage, especially in summer. It just suits my shape somehow.

I’ll post a pic of the top if it will let me.

OP posts:
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7
Boliviabae · 28/06/2025 09:39

KimberleyClark · 28/06/2025 08:56

Breasts play a role in sexual attraction without which there would be no babies to feed. We are the only mammal with permanent breasts. Why do you think that is?

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Because we are badly designed in many ways. We also have much more frequent menstruation then many other mammals have

Other mammals are able to sexually attract mates without any breasts. So we would be able to attract them aswell.

We are sexually attracted to men without seeing their penis, aren't we?

CharlotteBakewell · 28/06/2025 09:21

He shouldn’t have been staring at your cleavage but imo the top is too low cut for work.

MellersSmellers · 28/06/2025 09:19

It's a lovely top, but not for work. It would be hard not to notice your cleavage. However no-one should stare to the point it makes you uncomfortable.

Theroadt · 28/06/2025 09:03

dtarer · 26/06/2025 19:49

Is that inappropriate for work?

Depends what sort of work. If you’re in event management/entertainment, it’s probably fine. In a law firm - definitely not and you’d be told in no uncertain terms.

Saltedcarameltiramisucheesecake · 28/06/2025 09:02

Barnbrack · 28/06/2025 08:56

No no, men still have the ability to practice self control. It's not a work appropriate top but the guys behavior wasn't work appropriate either and that's on him

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I agree, that is on him, he was unprofessional.
But the OP has choices here, she doesn't like people staring at her, so she can either wear a less revealing top, or not. You can't control other people's behaviour.

Theroadt · 28/06/2025 08:59

Nobody should stare at your cleavage, that’s not your “fault”, but from the pic the top isn’t business wear and looks unprofessional, frankly

MumBrain23 · 28/06/2025 08:58

If it’s really flattering, maybe just wear a modest vest top on underneath it to hide the cleavage.

I’m a feminist but I also know that a woman’s body is extremely attractive, despite being straight.

I used to wear such things in my teens and early twenties when I followed whatever was fashionable. I’d wear low cut jeans and always have my bum crack on display despite pulling it up all the time.

It’s so strange that society and the fashion industry make women’s clothing so tight, revealing and provocative while men are able to hide their bodies and wear modest clothes and still be considered attractive.

KimberleyClark · 28/06/2025 08:56

Boliviabae · 28/06/2025 00:03

Breasts are for feeding babies.

It's interesting . Breasts have become sexualised in western society, so women must cover them up.

In some other countries, breasts are not sexuslised at all, so women will walk around with their breasts completely out.

It really depends on the culture that you live in

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Breasts play a role in sexual attraction without which there would be no babies to feed. We are the only mammal with permanent breasts. Why do you think that is?

Barnbrack · 28/06/2025 08:56

Saltedcarameltiramisucheesecake · 28/06/2025 08:29

Kindly, if you display your cleavage, men are going to look or stare. They just will.
If you don't like it, wear something more modest, problem solved.
Keep your lower cut tops for outside work.

No no, men still have the ability to practice self control. It's not a work appropriate top but the guys behavior wasn't work appropriate either and that's on him

NewDogOwner · 28/06/2025 08:45

He shouldn't be staring but this is not a professional way to dress.

Teddybear23 · 28/06/2025 08:41

dtarer · 26/06/2025 19:51

why is the top unsuitable ? Is it too low cut ?

?? Of course it’s too low cut for work!!

Saltedcarameltiramisucheesecake · 28/06/2025 08:33

Boliviabae · 28/06/2025 08:31

Women also stare.

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True. But they are generally more subtle, and less likely to make the OP uncomfortable, I'd think.

Boliviabae · 28/06/2025 08:31

Saltedcarameltiramisucheesecake · 28/06/2025 08:29

Kindly, if you display your cleavage, men are going to look or stare. They just will.
If you don't like it, wear something more modest, problem solved.
Keep your lower cut tops for outside work.

Women also stare.

Saltedcarameltiramisucheesecake · 28/06/2025 08:29

Kindly, if you display your cleavage, men are going to look or stare. They just will.
If you don't like it, wear something more modest, problem solved.
Keep your lower cut tops for outside work.

Barnbrack · 28/06/2025 07:24

dtarer · 26/06/2025 20:32

What about to a school function ? I wore it to a school function recently. Hahah

Definitely not, if you were going out for drinks with friends (and actually is say if you were going out for drinks with friends in 2010 maybe) it'd be suitable.

It's very revealing and a very dated shape too I'd say.

Should your colleague stare? No, however I might stare a little not because I was assessing your assets but because I'd be thinking how inappropriate the top is.

Daffodilsarefading · 28/06/2025 07:21

There is no way I would wear that for work. Nobody should be staring at you, but that top is inappropriate. You need to wear a camisole underneath it or find something else to wear. I have lots of clothes that I wouldn’t wear for work, fine for a night out but not find in a working environment,
Having said that, the man was totally out of order.

Barnbrack · 28/06/2025 07:18

dtarer · 26/06/2025 19:49

Is that inappropriate for work?

As someone with a large chest of definitely consider that inappropriate for work. That's very very cleavagey

G5000 · 28/06/2025 07:12

I just realized the difference and it makes a big difference. Fake or real. Real is a flaunt, real is what it is

eh no, I'm a very natural G-cup and if I wear a plunge bra and a top like on the photo, I'm very much flaunting what nature gave me.

I would not do it in the office though.

AgentJohnson · 28/06/2025 07:00

I am a straight woman and I never get the obsession with boobs but when the girls are on show, they distract me. I had a zoom recently with someone who had a very unflattering camera angle and despite the topic being quite serious, her cleavage got in the way.

Neurodiversitydoctor · 28/06/2025 06:44

dtarer · 26/06/2025 19:49

Is that inappropriate for work?

Yes, a camisole underneath would have been appropriate. That is too much cleavage for bussiness attire.

IHaveAlwaysLivedintheCastle · 28/06/2025 06:25

Boliviabae · 28/06/2025 03:18

No they really aren't.

Their function is to feed babies.

Feeding and food are not sexual things.

At some stage, western society took a strange turn and started sexualising breasts.

We just see them as sexy now because we are told to see them as sexy.

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It's not just Western society. And arguing they're just for feeding babies is a bit pointless unless that's what they're actually being used for. The woman in the black top is drawing attention to her breasts.

catmum44 · 28/06/2025 06:23

I wear cropped camies under them for this reason. Various colours for different tops & dresses.

DiaryofaProvincialLady · 28/06/2025 04:56

dtarer · 26/06/2025 21:37

Yeah I got your number ladies. Just like you claim to have mine.

Never mind the blokes, as a straight female I don't wanna see your udders flapping about whilst I'm trying to work, just like I wouldn't want to see your arse crack. Its fucking grim seeing women's crevices 😤

If you don't want PEOPLE to look at a part of your body, don't expose it!

Worralorra · 28/06/2025 04:01

dtarer · 26/06/2025 19:40

I get that people give it a two second look sometimes, that’s natural. This guy was just staring for ages though.

“Jim, Jim?”
He looks at your face
Gesture with your hand toward your head: “I’m up here…”
Job done!

Cherrysoup · 28/06/2025 03:49

IHaveAlwaysLivedintheCastle · 27/06/2025 23:55

Honestly? Yes I think that's too low cut for an office/ school or similar

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Mine? Shows zero cleavage (due to my complete lack of boob) but happy to be told.

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