Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

New colleague staring at my cleavage- is this my fault ?

488 replies

dtarer · 26/06/2025 19:29

I sometimes wear tops that show some cleavage. It’s hard to avoid in most tops that aren’t super high cut.

I notice men sometimes look. But today in a meeting, a man did not stop staring.

his gaze was fixed the entire time he was talking to me. It was extremely uncomfortable.

I somehow feel it’s my fault this happened. But I really love this top and I don’t think it’s obscene. I find it hard to avoid showing some cleavage, especially in summer. It just suits my shape somehow.

I’ll post a pic of the top if it will let me.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
Hellohelga · 26/06/2025 20:32

Zebedee999 · 26/06/2025 20:25

It's a great outfit, suitable for work. You'd get admiring glances from anyone I would think.

Show quote history

Creepy colleague is that you?

Original poster
dtarer · 26/06/2025 20:32

What about to a school function ? I wore it to a school function recently. Hahah

OP posts:
MyNameIsErinQuin · 26/06/2025 20:31

Definitely not appropriate for work!

Grinchybinchy · 26/06/2025 20:31

I think he’s an arse for staring but I would not wear that top lovely as it is at work, corporate office and although nobody would comment I would feel a little self conscious. However it’s the 21st century and you would hope men would have evolved from boob obsession but we’re still a way off! If your comfortable and happy you’ll have to learn to either ignore or assertively say oy eyes up mate!

Hellohelga · 26/06/2025 20:30

Yes top is unacceptable for work and very unprofessional

PyongyangKipperbang · 26/06/2025 20:28

Years ago I worked with a guy like this.

Wasnt big boobs, it was ANY boobs. Its like he simply couldnt raise his eyes any higher if he was speaking to a woman, it was fucking weird and creepy. ETA, it didnt matter what you wore, you could dress like stripper or a nun and he would still stare.

All the other women (mostly young and naive) just laughed and said thats how he is and to take the compliment.

Yeah....couldnt do that. Even as a young under confident woman I couldnt do that. Every single time I spoke to him I said "Up here!" and pointed to my face.

I didnt pass probation because I "wasnt fitting in with the team", this from the office manager who I later found out was shagging the CEO behind his wifes back, who was her line manager! Very very toxic and I am glad I was sacked! This was....about 30 years ago now.

NorthXNorthWest · 26/06/2025 20:27

Context is everything. Are you a barmaid? That is not an appropriate top for an office environment. In an office environment, it screams desperate for attention.

He should not be staring at your boobs but you should not be wearing tops like that to work. The old 'my boobs look big in everything' is a weak excuse. .

SaturdayDream · 26/06/2025 20:27

I don’t think your clothes must be work appropriate. I’d probably catch a glimpse but it doesn’t mean I want to see it.

Witchling · 26/06/2025 20:26

dtarer · 26/06/2025 19:49

Is that inappropriate for work?

Yes this is not appropriate for an office.

JayJayj · 26/06/2025 20:26

It’s absolutely fine. But even IF it wasn’t there is absolutely no need to be staring.

I would have said sorry do I have something on my top you keep staring at it? And called him out in front of everyone.

Christmasmorale · 26/06/2025 20:26

dtarer · 26/06/2025 19:49

Is that inappropriate for work?

I don't have any cleavage to speak of, but would still put a black vest under a top like that or pin it so it cuts at a higher point on the chest. It's a lovely top but more suitable for an evening dinner/ bar.

Imagine a man came to the office wearing his shirt unbuttoned to as low a point as that blouse - chest hair and pecs on show. It would be distracting and inappropriate, regardless of gender.

KnickerlessParsons · 26/06/2025 20:25

dtarer · 26/06/2025 19:49

Is that inappropriate for work?

No, I don’t think that’s top is suitable for work.

Zebedee999 · 26/06/2025 20:25

dtarer · 26/06/2025 19:49

Is that inappropriate for work?

It's a great outfit, suitable for work. You'd get admiring glances from anyone I would think.

HopscotchBanana · 26/06/2025 20:25

WhiteCat13 · 26/06/2025 20:18

I have always had big boobs. 32G at the smallest. I always attracted bad ogly behaviour that I didn't know what to do about. I have never worn any clothes showing cleavage but that never stopped the men. I have also had breast cancer twice, and am post menopausal which has given me freedom. My reaction now would be "Oi. Eyes up" in a loud carrying voice.

Same.

I have fake boobs and a small frame, but I know the look it creates and I knew I would get stared at more. Anyone would.

Getting my tits out in a top like OP has posted and pretending it shouldn't make anyone stare, is utter crap. It's irrelevant whether it's a man or a woman staring. If I walked into my office, daytime, with my tits out like that, every single person would stare. My accounts assistant, a very prim and proper woman, would most likely ask me what on earth I thought I was wearing.

NetZeroZealot · 26/06/2025 20:25

First MN post OP?

Mynewnameis · 26/06/2025 20:25

I wouldn't wear that to a party!

choccytime · 26/06/2025 20:24

Inappropriate , you did ask

G5000 · 26/06/2025 20:24

ncduetooutingsituation · 26/06/2025 20:18

A former colleague had a similar problem with a man from the accounts department. He was a notorious ogler.
One day she just said ‘Is there a problem with my tits Mark?’
it was amazing. He was so embarrassed!

well if the former colleague was dressed like the photo posted, Marc should have just responded that 'Yes Sandra, put some clothes on, this is not Hooters'

ColinCaterpillarsNo1Fan · 26/06/2025 20:22

dtarer · 26/06/2025 19:49

Is that inappropriate for work?

No, that's not appropriate for work, put a vest top underneath l to make it more work appropriate.

suburburban · 26/06/2025 20:21

Too low for work op

i find even if I wear a vest top it moves with some tops

Nanalisa60 · 26/06/2025 20:20

Just say excuse me do you think it is possible for you to look to my face and not my chest! Say it in front off other people!! Believe me he won’t do it again. All ways shame men that do this !!

ncduetooutingsituation · 26/06/2025 20:18

A former colleague had a similar problem with a man from the accounts department. He was a notorious ogler.
One day she just said ‘Is there a problem with my tits Mark?’
it was amazing. He was so embarrassed!

Ariel896 · 26/06/2025 20:18

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

WhiteCat13 · 26/06/2025 20:18

I have always had big boobs. 32G at the smallest. I always attracted bad ogly behaviour that I didn't know what to do about. I have never worn any clothes showing cleavage but that never stopped the men. I have also had breast cancer twice, and am post menopausal which has given me freedom. My reaction now would be "Oi. Eyes up" in a loud carrying voice.

Changingletters · 26/06/2025 20:18

Having seen the picture of the top I'm assuming the OP is winding is up.

Of course that's not suitable workwear and OP must be fully aware when she wears things like that for work that men are going to look at her breasts.

Yes he shouldn't have stared but why the faux naivety OP?