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Original poster

New colleague staring at my cleavage- is this my fault ?

488 replies

dtarer · 26/06/2025 19:29

I sometimes wear tops that show some cleavage. It’s hard to avoid in most tops that aren’t super high cut.

I notice men sometimes look. But today in a meeting, a man did not stop staring.

his gaze was fixed the entire time he was talking to me. It was extremely uncomfortable.

I somehow feel it’s my fault this happened. But I really love this top and I don’t think it’s obscene. I find it hard to avoid showing some cleavage, especially in summer. It just suits my shape somehow.

I’ll post a pic of the top if it will let me.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
FortyElephants · 26/06/2025 20:40

dtarer · 26/06/2025 20:36

So is any cleavage not ok then ? Ever at work ?

No cleavage at work. Ever. You can buy modesty panels to put inside tops/dresses to mimic a cami if a cami wouldn't work under or if it's too warm. But no, cleavage at work is not ok.

BUT the man shouldn't have been staring either. That isn't your fault.

godmum56 · 26/06/2025 20:40

MissMoneyFairy · 26/06/2025 19:48

I don't notice cleavage but couldn't stop looking at a colleagues awful tattoo on her thigh in a mini skirt, she's not a young woman and it felt really awkward.

yes. yes you could have stopped looking.

PopThatBench · 26/06/2025 20:39

dtarer · 26/06/2025 19:49

Is that inappropriate for work?

Good god, yes, very inappropriate for work.
Unless your job is to make money off your tits.

LittlleMy · 26/06/2025 20:39

dtarer · 26/06/2025 19:50

Yeah I have cleavage in many tops.

Show quote history

Youre totally not wrong to wear what you think is nice and flattering for your shape and as a PP said doesn’t excuse a grown man being transfixed but honestly having worked in offices for 30 years now, with all different shaped women, I have never seen anyone ever bare so much of their front other than a woman in her early 20s (in the 90s!) who had quite a disproportionately large bust and who was at that age she just wanted to wear fun tops the other girls were wearing and didn’t care that her shape though meant she was bulging out of them! Funny thing is there was this really sweet hard working helpful guy in his early 40s (she and I were 20s) but whenever she wore a revealing top, he just became sort of mesmerised- it was quite fascinating to watch actually! So part of me doesn’t want to hate on every man just because of my memory of him as he honestly otherwise barely looked at anyone and just focused on work or you if you needed help!

If it were me, I would put a vest top underneath if you love the tops and still want to wear them.

MayaPinion · 26/06/2025 20:39

This would be like a man wearing a codpiece over his trousers.

Boliviabae · 26/06/2025 20:39

I think the top you showed is inappropriate for work.

Its ok maybe for a night out. But not at work.

I would definitely be called into a meeting if i wore that.

Orangemintcream · 26/06/2025 20:39

Unless you are Katie Price posing for a photo shoot then no that too is not appropriate for work.

Kittyfur · 26/06/2025 20:38

I think the op enjoys showing off her physique!
she knows full well that top is inappropriate for work/school functions.
she obviously likes the attention from men 🙄🙄🙄🙄

Boliviabae · 26/06/2025 20:38

EleanorReally · 26/06/2025 19:39

i bought myself camisole as i hate showing my cleavage, a new dress kept showing my cleavage so i did a last minute change of dress before i left for work today.
i am not sure if people intend to look but sometimes people can't help themselves, i was at an interview and i couldnt stop looking at a woman's cleavage, very off putting. i am not attracted to cleavages but somehow they attract the eye

I agree!

I cant stop looking at cleavages when they are slightly displayed.

I dont want to look at them. But my eyes are drawn to them. I cant seem to help it

Shitmonger · 26/06/2025 20:37

dtarer · 26/06/2025 20:36

So is any cleavage not ok then ? Ever at work ?

Cleavage is never acceptable at work unless you’re a bartender or something. In most offices you would be pulled aside and reminded of the dress code, and then written up if you continued to wear inappropriate tops to work.

Original poster
dtarer · 26/06/2025 20:37

JustAmusedMe · 26/06/2025 20:35

Well, your boobs look great in that top but I'm also with the 'not appropriate for work' lot and would wear a vest top/cami top underneath.

I wear a lot of wrap tops because, whilst my boobs aren't huge, I have an hourglass figure and wrap dresses are the only thing that look good on me. But I always wear something underneath because I don't feel comfortable showing cleavage at work.

However it’s the 21st century and you would hope men would have evolved from boob obsession

Men will never evolve from the boob obsession.

It’s just not me in that pic. It’s probably AI. I don’t look like that in that top.

OP posts:
Cucy · 26/06/2025 20:37

dtarer · 26/06/2025 20:36

So is any cleavage not ok then ? Ever at work ?

It’s never ok at work.

657904I · 26/06/2025 20:36

I’m in my 20s and wouldn’t wear that to work. I think it doesn’t give off the best impression. It looks like you’re going to work at 9am then the bar at 5:15pm.

I started dressing as bland and plain as possible to work and ultimately got promoted to a senior leadership position at a young age. I think looking too nice/attractive at work, can work against you sometimes.

Wearing a top like yours isn’t raunchy but it’s just not what I’d envisage wearing somewhere where I want to be taken seriously. I don’t have particularly big boobs either. I have some colleagues who are overweight and show cleavage in everything they wear. I do think it looks sloppy & unprofessional. No one at work needs to know what your chest looks like.

But it’s totally this weirdo colleague’s fault for staring and making you feel uncomfortable though.

EleanorReally · 26/06/2025 20:36

no i wouldnt display cleavage at work

SheridansPortSalut · 26/06/2025 20:36

dtarer · 26/06/2025 19:49

Is that inappropriate for work?

No!

Original poster
dtarer · 26/06/2025 20:36

So is any cleavage not ok then ? Ever at work ?

OP posts:
BMW6 · 26/06/2025 20:35

I'm getting the feeling this poster isn't being genuine.......

HelenCurlyBrown · 26/06/2025 20:35

😂 depends where you work, of course. But if you’re in an office, it’s quite inappropriate and silly.

JustAmusedMe · 26/06/2025 20:35

Well, your boobs look great in that top but I'm also with the 'not appropriate for work' lot and would wear a vest top/cami top underneath.

I wear a lot of wrap tops because, whilst my boobs aren't huge, I have an hourglass figure and wrap dresses are the only thing that look good on me. But I always wear something underneath because I don't feel comfortable showing cleavage at work.

However it’s the 21st century and you would hope men would have evolved from boob obsession

Men will never evolve from the boob obsession.

CornishDew · 26/06/2025 20:34

dtarer · 26/06/2025 19:51

why is the top unsuitable ? Is it too low cut ?

It was 100% your colleagues fault for staring, he shouldn’t be under any circumstances. However I personally think this top is too low cut for the workplace, a cami underneath would help. It doesn’t matter if an office is casual, tops shouldn’t be flashing this much

PassTheLemonDrizzle · 26/06/2025 20:34

He knew exactly what he was doing and he was staring to try and make you feel uncomfortable. He’s not 12 and he should be able to behave like a grown up in a professional situation. You are not being unreasonable and he needs to grow up.

Original poster
dtarer · 26/06/2025 20:34

It doesn’t look as booby on me, as my boobs are not as big. That’s all I can say in my defence. It closes more and isn’t as deep cut on me.

OP posts:
Foodylicious · 26/06/2025 20:33

dtarer · 26/06/2025 20:01

That’s not me in the pic guys! My boos are not as big as that at all.

Well then why post that pic?
It's just confusing.
For someone that doesn't want extra attention, you are orchestrating quite a bit on here.

Though - not okay for him to stare in any circumstaces, I'd not feel comfortable in that style top for work.
But it would depending on where you work, the role and the unwritten dress code of what your colleagues wear (if you dont actually have one).

KnickerlessParsons · 26/06/2025 20:33

dtarer · 26/06/2025 20:32

What about to a school function ? I wore it to a school function recently. Hahah

Still no.

Tiredofallthis101 · 26/06/2025 20:32

I'd wear a vest top under that.