To think that primary schools are sending a really shitty message to well behaved kids

Because if the awards were publicly framed that way then they wouldn't offer the support to the kids that need it! That's why I think it's a good idea to have those conversations yourself with your dc, that's what I did with mine, who also never got awards.

Thank you, that's kind of you - I didn't mean to make the thread about myself, I just wanted to highlight that very often the children getting hell at home don't say boo to a goose in school, we're don't all act out as a result of it. I didn't realise I had any abilities or skills either until way, way after school - maybe a bit of recognition could have changed the smallest thing for me. Luckily my daughter has a very different life to the one I had and has involved parents who love her hard.

The OP does sound like a good mum and I'm right there with her in the sheer indignation for her daughter. There's such a wide scope of experience in school, especially primary school, and the failure to recognise that in reality despite them mouthing the words is just sad for the children.

My old school did a merit system

I think was like the good behaviour points system you'd get one for good behaviour or good work etc

I got two-the whole 5 years I was at that school

My face didn't fit,I was average at best,quiet and just plodded on with my head down

My bullies got one for not bullying that day the vandals for not putting through a window that week or the gobby ones for not disrupting a lesson that day

It's a shit system

We made it clear early on that school awards were a bunch of bullshit and they are rarely fair. My extremely well behaved and incredibly bright daughter went through primary school getting none at all until p7 when she got an “inspirational” award, because she happened to do everything whilst being disabled.

She’s in 5th year now and gets certificates but doesn’t even bother turning up to the ceremonies for them. She said herself, most of the awards are for improvement, and as she is a straight A student, she’ll never get one of those.

Don’t the school. Don’t be that parent, just manage her expectations from now on.

So sorry to hear this. It does sound like the OP is a good mum though and I'm sure she praises her child. But you're right that we shouldn't assume that children who are well-behaved have supportive parents. Again, I'm sorry for what you've been through 💐

I remember being quite miffed in year 11, when I won a prize for “progress”. It drew attention to me not doing well before.

I hear you OP. My 3 children have never really been acknowledged either for just behaving and getting on with their work and it drives me mad. I remember when my now 18year old was in yr6 primary, they came home and said they were going to be naughty the next day. When I asked why they said well xxxx and xxxx are always naughty and they get put in the star room and get to play games on the computer while we work.

I work in a school now (not teaching though) and I try my damned hardest to make sure those 'average' kids know I've seen them and appreciate all the hard work they put in.

Isn't there an assumption there though that the middle of the road child does get praise at home? I was an average child, quiet, never in trouble, never excelled at anything but worked fairly consistently, and was never once recognised for anything, and I mean never once. I was never praised or encouraged at home either, I was in fact living in an abusive hell.

I ended up being quite resilient and I enjoy things for their own sake but I'm quite sad for the child I was that I never got to have that wee buzz of just being recognised for being a worthwhile human.

I would feel the same as you OP, it can be demotivating for a child regardless how much praise you give them at home. They are with their peers most of the week and it’s nice to get recognised from time to time by their teacher/ TA who they probably look up to.

I've got one of these. Every week a star of the week certificate is given out and in previous years all the class have got one at some point in the year.

This year she has been completely forgotten and is heartbroken about it. Every Friday she asks if she's likely to get the certificate in assembly and I have to reassure her that she's special regardless.

Her confidence in general has plummeted this year and in part it's because of crap like this. Thankfully she does some extra curriculars where they celebrate every child which has helped a bit.

Tbh I don't really get it. Maybe because my two dc's primary gave out little "cards" for either good/improved behaviour or academic achievements. That way they could all "win" for different reasons. My DS2 didn't care so much. He's an intelligent and well-behaved boy and for him it was the praise at home that mattered. DS1 Asd with problematic behaviour (not violent but disturbing) and very slow learner was very happy to receive a card each time but he never understood why he got one "because the teacher was nice"🤣.
Anyway, @CathyBlowsBubbles , I think it's good that teachers praise children with "problems". Some might never get praise at home. I have always awarded good grades/efforts for my children so they don't need the teacher for that.

I have two neuro diverse kids who can be very disruptive, we get HT awards weekly, aling with hundreds of stickers and certificates etc
.. the HT awards are basically used like sweeties, or carrots dangled to keep them on track and focussed. It does actually work. We have about 40 of the things stuck on their bedroom drawers.
I think it must be very unfair for the other kids to see all these awards being given out and obviously the kids dont know the context in which they are given.
I would speak to the class teacher, definitely discuss it. Your child should not be overlooked.

No, you're completely right. It happens in my daughter's school all the time. I think it's perfectly fine to reward children who are less academically able or who have behavioural issues by meeting them where they are but this shouldn't be at the expense of other children who go unnoticed. It doesn't need to be so restrictive. My daughter is like yours, same age, is a lovely, well-mannered, respectful, conscientious girl who works hard and behaves well and as a result flies completely under the radar. She has been upset about it a few times and one time I asked her if it made her feel like she wanted to try harder and she said 'I do try hard every day'. Absolutely broke my heart.

To make matters worse she's very capable academically and in one subject has been doing work for a year and two years ahead and that's only because we had to highlight - for the fifth time to this school - that she needed more challenging work in this subject. So she doesn't even get recognised for her hard work academically either.

I really try to get her to focus on how she feels about herself and her work but children are so sensitive in this way and they really do blossom with praise. It's a shame schools just don't practice what they preach.

There is actually a big shift away from this type of thing happening in education now. We have a recognition board for children who go above and beyond - in whatever that is for them. So the disruptive kid might get their name up for sitting quietly in story, resulting in all children being able to hear and enjoy. Another child it could be for having written 3 pages of story, another could get it for remembering full stops, another for being extra helpful ...and some, for constantly, constantly keeping on doing the right thing. The class chooses a small reward (eg pyjama day, trip to the park, afternoon break) to work towards and they earn it once every child in the class has their name up twice - or once a target number is reached if there are individuals who are going to find it really hard to get on at all or equally if there are children who wouldn'tbother trying once on the board twice. It's a collaborative approach and they encourage each other and tell me things they have noticed, which is lovely.

We also do points for individuals, which the children love because our system immediately notifies their parents. They get bronze, silver or gold certificates at the end of term, depending on their points. But all children get a certificate.

I used to work at my DDs secondary school. At the last awards assembly she again got nothing despite 100% attendance, 500+ positive behaviour points, zero negative behaviour points and predicted gcse grades of 6+ (because she works her arse off).

A kid who i personally witnessed taking drugs on school site and bullying several kids was given a reward for kindness.

My DDs key stage lead said I spoilt my daughter. I pointed out I reward good behaviour and effort. I felt one of us should as school wouldn't acknowledge her.

Give your daughter a hug, take her out for a treat for being amazing. She sounds bloody lovely and the exact kind of kid I loved working with.

I understand why they reward the 'challenging ' ones like this but it doesn't make it any easier for the kids who diligently turn up, behave & work hard quietly.

Does it actually make any difference though? I've never seen anyone stop being a bully or disruptive because they were given a certificate.

In year 5 my daughter used to not be able to sleep Thursday night hoping she’d get star of the week on Friday, on Friday she would cone home and cry, every single week. This kid used to help the dinner ladies stack plates, go out of her way to be as polite and useful to every teacher she could and nothing…. She was also overlooked when it came to school ambassadors, play buddies, librarian, house caption etc while done kids had a whole jumper of silverware. Made me so mad they didn’t share these things around more.

I agree with you.
I remember the bully in my kids primary class used to get a medal if she managed to go a single day without bullying somebody. At the end of year six she got a special award for being a 'good friend to everyone' this was despite the fact two children had left the school because of her violent bullying.

She moved on to secondary and just continued the relentless bullying so it's not even as if all the sucking up to her the schools did anything to change her behavior. Does it ever I wonder?

I'm always quite amused when I see parents putting on FB about how brilliant their DC are at getting 'Star of The Week', particularly when you know they are a totally dysfunctional family. Yep, Stacey, little Alfie managed not to kick the TA this week then?

These awards have been used for years now, presumably now that everything is 'inclusive' and that excludes the well behaved middle they cant be blunt about DC. I do think it undermines teachers as well, the kids see through it/ resent it, parents become cynical about behaviour mis management.
I was invisible at school, particularly senior school, but at least we didn't have these awards to rub it in. and teachers who were in charge, not kids

It's always been this way & it's shit for the silent majority who quietly get on with no fuss & cause no issues in the classroom.

I understand why they reward the 'challenging ' ones like this but it doesn't make it any easier for the kids who diligently turn up, behave & work hard quietly.

I never got anything at school to reward me nor did DC & it's isn't fair - but neither is life & it won't ever change.

Fully agree OP, we've had the same child year after year get it for the same reason. Same child often gets the weekly award, meanwhile my DD is always polite, helpful, kind and well behaved, every teacher has nothing but praise to say about how much of a lovely child she is and how she's eager to help out and please.

She works hard to just keep up and has struggled academically and we've just found out at age 10 because we pushed extremely hard for testing that DD is dyslexic.

So not only will she likely never win the behaviour award she's also never likely to win the high achievement awards either....oh and she's not sporty in the traditional sense so unlikely to win that either.

It sounds like there are not enough prizes and it's being poorly organised.

It shouldn't be a zero sum game. Students do have different starting points, and rewards should reflect progress towards their goals - even if those goals are things that your child can already do. The whole class benefits when the most disruptive one manages to sit and listen a bit longer. But there should be enough rewards and recognition that the "wallflower children" get it too. If any child is going years between rewards while seeing others get them week after week, that is poor management.

My DC's primary school ditched star of the week. It's so pointless!

Yanbu and I think it's a sign of weak teaching to not find ways to praise and acknowledge the children that just get on with it week after week.