To think that primary schools are sending a really shitty message to well behaved kids

In fact at ten (year 5 ore 6?) many kids will find a head teacher's award babyish and embarrassing. If you are worried about her self worth, help you dd understand that expecting external validation is not healthy for self worth but making and effort and finding things that interest you and developing your skills in these areas matters a lot and is where most people find fulfilment. This is really easy to solve for you but it sounds like you just want to moan about the school.

It's entirely up to you to minimise this and teach your dc about self motivation and that people pleasing gets you nowhere in life. Your dc is old enough to understand that life and society won't always be as they wish and to rise above and do what they know is the right thing for them. She is 10 for goodness sake, at that age most primary kids don't care about such awards, they get their sense of achievement from sporting success, achieving a music grade, doing park run or having hobbies that suit their personality. Does she have any interests or passions like that? Alternatively, does her school have an eco councillor for instance or. mentorship programme where older pupils support younger ones? Your dd could approach school and make proactive suggestion. Passively waiting for some sort of badge sounds pointless.

But?! School is a place of academic learning. Of course they will reward academic success. You are lucky your dd1 got recognition for doing well when it sounds like it's mostly dc with behavioural challenges who get awarded (in state primary) It's not the job of school to give certificates for worth.

It's weird how you place such value on a silly fake award. This thread shows many of our quiet but hard working children got overlooked in classes with 30 dc of whom probably 10-20% have SEN or other challenges. It's school, they go there to learn, you say your dd2 is doing well although she has to work harder for it. It's up to you and her family to help with self worth, the reality is it's not going to happen in the class room. I suggest you find her a hobby she is passionate about and she will be able to excel and prove herself. Your fixation on the silly awards will be noted even if you think it isn't. Wait until secondary, she'll find her niche to shine in.

Contact the school and say all this to them. Ask that they make sure the quieter children are rewarded too.

There are plenty out there for non-academic types. There aren't jobs out there for people that are violent, foul-mouthed, aggressive, slovenly, unwilling to listen to authority or focus on the job in hand. Blair and Thatcher are not to blame.

Yes it’s a shame

also I don’t think they are taught any self discipline and they still get paid regardless of what they do

I’m sure some of them could do better but if they’ve got parents who have a bad attitude and a disdain for education it doesn’t help

I think that's more to do with the fact some of them they get heavily coached to pass the exams and interviews - tutors, massaged course work, re-sits, someone writing the personal statement for them...

In my experience outside academic life, private school education gives people a sense of confidence and entitlement that makes it easier for them to progress.

I've spent my part of my career building up the confidence of brilliant state educated lawyers who just have so much self doubt. Meanwhile the often less brilliant privately educated lawyers tend to assume they know it all already, and the stupider or snobbier clients are impressed but their confident blustering style

There's a happy middle ground at at the moment most schools don't see to know how to deliver it. But ignoring a whole section of the classroom because they quietly get on with their work isn't the way.

If true, that may well explain why so many coddled ex-private school types crash and burn at a university when no one tells them they're special.

I think this kind of attitude is the reason for the gulf between the private and state sector.

I went to a mix of both. In the private sector there was lots of positive feedback for everyone and lots of building our confidence. In the state sector rewards and praise were the "well done for not being naughty for once " kind and everyone else was just kind of left to get on with it.

I hugely value education in its own right, so do my children who both happily learn about all sorts of things in their free time

But when you are part of a community (like a school community) it makes a difference to how you feel about yourself when you are quietly passed over time and again in favour of attention being focussed on the same handful of children

Now that traditional industries have gone, a significant percentage of the population have nothing to do. They're unsuited to most of the available jobs these days. Their kids know they have no meaningful future so why bother getting an education? Not everyone is suited to academic work. In the past, poorly behaved children knew they'd be employed in an industry, so as long as they could read, write and have some arithmetic, that's all they needed. Thanks to 50% off to university Blair and Thatcher, who destroyed the industries, schools are full of badly behaved children who need rewards just to stop them beating the teacher up.

Bribing and cajoling them into sitting on their backsides until they're 18, then giving them a life on the dole isn't a very good idea. Then the government complains that not enough people are working 🤦🏼‍♀️

Only the state rewards failure 🙄

So still being rewarded in adult life

My DS3 is coming to the end of Year 6 & has only ever had a handful of these awards, none this year. Yet the teacher told us at Parents' Evening that he is above average (in fact, joint top in his class) academically & in sports (was 2nd in Sports Day races & gets selected for extra days), works hard & has never been involved in any fights or friendship issues. But he is quiet, so he remains unacknowledged. All the other boys in his class (10 of them) have some form of SEN, diagnosed or not.

His biggest brother was similarly academic & sporty, but also very confident & got lots of awards all throughout school (just finished GCSES).

His middle brother has lots of SEN, although not behavioural & always got lots of awards for trying hard.

I am hoping DS3 will be recognised in senior school, like his brothers.

Ime the quiet kids aren’t angry that other people are being awarded - they are annoyed that their efforts are not being recognised and they don’t /can’t go up to the teacher and ask why they don’t get recognition when they try their best and patiently wait.
Unfortunately the education system favours the extroverts and people who demand attention. It doesn’t respect the quiet grind and because the adults are tired, they assume that quiet means all is well because they aren’t hurting others when quiet could mean anxious and worried.

It’s an issue as old as time - see The Prodigal Son in the bible!

Reminds me of the scene in Mad Men where the junior wants to be thanked for her work and the boss shouts “the money is the thank you!”. It’s kind of like that with exam results. Those pat on the head bits of paper from the teacher for not chewing your shoes that week mean sod all its the gcse / a levels results at the end that are the bit that matter. Teach them that and they won’t care as much.

The most annoying part of this is that it doesn’t work at all for any of the kids. The kids in my school who were disruptive and misbehaved but were awarded still ended up with no qualifications and questionable behaviour as adults. Most have multiple children themselves and live off the state. It’s letting all the kids down in the end.

I hated this when I was in teaching and never bought into it. I rewarded the kids who were well behaved, and the ones who were maybe not the most well behaved in the class but had shown a marked improvement consistently over a period of time, not ones who had just managed to not hit anyone very hard that day.

It's hard to avoid though. I was off sick once and came back to find the TA had given the worst kid in my class Star of the Week because he'd paid attention in one lesson.

Also several times had children sent to the Head of Key Stage for bad behaviour and come back covered in stickers having had fun colouring and getting attention.

If it makes you feel any better, my just above average stepdaughter (Y10) who was completely invisible at Primary School is now getting regular rewards for her behaviour and attitude at Secondary School. She was at an awards ceremony last night for all children who got "Exemplary" for behaviour in lessons in all their reports this year, and will be going to Thorpe Park on a trip to reward students who have shown "consistent effort, positive attitude, and commitment to developing key personal and academic skills" since Year 7.

I completely agree. My ds at secondary school had an exemplary parents evening and reports, always does his homework, predicted to get seven As in his exams and and A or B in his final subject. He has never been chosen for the end of year reward trips or been recognised at prize giving. He's a quiet boy (at school) and I believe he just flies under the radar. He isn't super sporty so doesn't get recognised for sports either.

I actually asked the criteria for reward trip this year, as he was miffed to see some of his friends going and he'll need to stay in class. I was told that they to have over 95% attendance (he does but this is shit for kids with health conditions or young carers), and have 'gold' effort in 7 put of 8 subjects.

He has said he doesn't see the point in trying anymore because good results aren't rewarded. 'Effort' is so subjective, he's just laid back, not rude or badly behaved but doesn't stand out either. Obviously we've chatted to him about how proud we are and why he needs to keep going. But I can see his point it's absolutely disheartening!

I was chatting with my wee girl about this thread earlier this morning and she has a good insight into it all now - she rolled her eyes when I mentioned that she hasn't really spoken about the school certificates for a little while, whereas for a time it was a big source of upset. She basically said she's not going to get one for not biting anyone for a week so 'meh' 😆I don't doubt there might still be a lingering hurt there but I'm glad to see her hitching her breeks and moving on from it.

DD got loads of attendance awards in primary. Although twice she missed the ceremony as she was off sick! They got a medal each time, we had a drawer of them. We’ve just binned them. Genuinely never understood the point. DD didn’t even want them.
The kids who are often absent/late is because of their parents, not them.

Is there any evidence for badly behaved kids being given awards actually improving. All the most challenging kids in DDs primary ended up being PermX from their secondary in the first year.

Completely agree, I was one of the quiet ones. Just got on with my work and was very average. The popular ones got the prizes. I never got anything.

The problem with giving too many awards for attendance or 'hard work' is that it can send the wrong message and it might make pupils think that coming to school every day or not 'working hard' isn’t normal or expected.

From memory, we had no 'awards' like this in my 1970s schooling (except for sports day). Everyone was treated in exactly the same way. We also had very, very little bad behaviour. There was certainly no 'involvement' of parents.

Something has gone terribly wrong with compulsory education in the UK.