To absolutely at lowest after seeing a photo of myself taken at work?

A problem with photos is that people look very different when they're in motion. As I've got older and I see how 'posed' photos are now, I realise more and more that very often the full face of make up, styled hair and staged poses don't reflect how that person really looks in real life, in motion. And it works the same in reverse. I had a similar experience recently where I went out thinking I looked fine and the photos told a different story. It's hard to get over. But that one second in that photo is never the whole story of how a person looks and it's never the whole story of a person - it's not your whole story.

This was me 2 weeks ago…….thought I looked alright for a work launch event but the photos were shocking. They were taken by our Comms department who you would’ve thought had some experience of taking good photos. I was devastated.

However, a quick conversation with someone else in the photos revealed that everyone thought they were terrible for everyone in the photos…….

let it go, don’t focus on it….i promise you do not look like that in real life

@Littletinytarzanswingingfromanosehair- did they ask for consent before posting this? I would ask for it to be removed and tell them you don’t give consent.

Won’t have!!

I honestly think everyone who has seen the photo will have given it a second thought.

We’re harder on ourselves than others.

I do know exactly where you’re coming from. I hate getting my photo taken. When I’ve got ready to go out and think I look ok, I’ve seen a photo of that night and thought, god do I really look so shite.

Anyway, you’re getting married. Your husband to be obviously loves you.

I know it's no comfort but most people will just be looking for themselves in the photo and won't even see you. There must be a nice photo of you somewhere, and if not, create it and put it up somewhere you can see x.

Well some guy has presumably asked you to marry him next year so you can’t be that much of a “beast”.

I’m the other way round to you OP as I would have actually called in sick rather than not wear make up to work, it’s the weekend I might not wear it. Trust me I look absolutely dog rough without it, look fairly decent with it. May is ages away. Don’t be too hard on yourself, working and I assume parenting is a time-robbing combination and the main thing we all need to look good is spare time to ourselves and money.

You have my sympathy. I hate photos of myself too, they don't reflect how I feel at all. For me it's the sudden aging and crooked teeth.

I can't do anything about the loose skin, getting 'filler face' is not a good look either. But I guess I could get my teeth done.. it would make me feel a lot better and look less like an old hag 🤣

Self care is a good thing. You shouldn't feel pressure to look stunning in photos, hardly any of us do. But this is a wake up call that you are not happy and you need to take more care of yourself. Start eating healthy and taking a walk at lunchtime. Plan activities at the weekends like swimming and long walks. It will lift your mood as well as dropping pounds.

Just to add to my above post, as it wouldn't let me edit... I just re-read your OP, and I see it doesn't say whether you are over your eating disorder yet. I hope you are better, but if not, you have just as much of a reason to be kinder on yourself x

Although this is true, I think these days, with photos from mobile phones, I think it's generally considered that the image in a mirror is a more accurate representation of what you look like in general terms. This is because phone cameras (the wide angle) widens faces (and bodies!) and distorts slightly in other ways too. I think the term is a 'fish - eye' lens, so it focuses on the middle of the picture and distorts anything away from the centre. This slight distortion can be very disconcerting to say the least!

As for your size op, you are the same as me, and I'm pretty confident. It took me a while to get here, as before kids, I was tall, very slim, did a bit of modelling here and there. I struggled with my changing body. However now, I'm trying to remember that my body has done (and still does) amazing things, and that I need to be kinder to myself, and accept that natural changes happen (I'm late forties, have 4 children). You have had an eating disorder, and hopefully now you are fit and healthy, and this is something to be proud of. Plus, you are getting married! I can assure you your husband thinks you are gorgeous. There will be others who think this too. We are not two-dimensional.

As for the photo you saw... It was a split second, mid movement/expression. That is not how you actually look or how others see you. Next time you're watching TV, press the pause button a few times while a character is speaking. I can guarantee at least one pause will produce an extremely unflattering still shot of what is potentially a very attractive actor! You'll see what I mean I promise.

I look like a drug addict in my passport photo, and don't really like being photographed, but your reaction is extreme. You presumably have friends and family who appreciate you as you are - you certainly have a fiance who wants to marry you as you are, not as you might be if you were more glamorous and thinner (and at size 14 I would be surprised if you are obese).

You have to be really strict with yourself about not letting yourself wallow in negative thoughts. It's such a complete waste of your one and only life to let yourself become consumed by this.

Never once have I thought about a friend "she's ok, but I'd like her much better if she were 10lbs smaller". You know in your head it's ridiculous, but it does take quite an active effort to get to the stage where you actually believe it in your heart.

It is normal to hate pictures of yourself especially when there’s things you want to change. Like other people have said you can work on things if you have till May. Make a list and start doing it. I have a wedding next May and I’ve said by then I want to sort my acne out and tone up.

Most people dislike photos of themselves, unless they have a very symmetrical face and hairstyle

The reason is that what we see in the mirror (mirror image) is reverse of what a photo shows (your actual face that everyone else sees)

So, when we see photos, it throws us off guard and we don't like it. Not because it's an awful photo, but because it's not how we think we look

In May?! You’ve got 11 months to look better. I went hell for leather February - June and lost masses for my wedding (and that took me down to the size you are now!). Not recommending it but very very glad I did my best for my wedding and don’t regret that! At least I can enjoy my pics :)

Remember that we are never still and static unless in a photo and we are far more dimensional - body language, personality, energy. We’re way more than our size but a photo only shows size.

Some people just don’t photograph well, I’m one of them, especially if my husband takes the photo.
I’m not Kate Moss but I don’t feel ugly when I look in the mirror, in photos I look fucked though.
Prop your phone up at home and get a video recording of yourself, I’ve found I look a lot better in videos rather than photos, then you can just screenshot what you’re happy with.
Your not alone, lots of people have an issue with there looks in photographs.

14 isn't large. It's below average and a healthy size. Sending hugs 🥰

I’m not going to brush off how you feel as I can totally relate. I avoid having my photo taken as much as possible as the results can make me feel very down. I feel sick when I see photos taken of me whether they're candid or not. I just look horrible, it’s made even worse because my sister is very photogenic even though she doesn’t look much better than me in real life, so that can really sting.

I remember once many year’s ago listening to a landline message I’d left and it felt like an actual punch to the guts when I heard myself speak. I couldn’t believe that’s how I sound to people. I found it shocking and was mortified that all my life that was what people were hearing 🫣

So I look bad and sound bad 😭

I should add that I don’t actually look that bad in real life, it’s just on photos, even when younger and prettier I took awful photos. I’m mostly ok with how I look in a mirror.

I should also say that I’ve just accepted how my DH’s pictures of me look. I have well and truly shoved them into the comical category. Sometimes it’s just sheer will to accept and move on.

Oh and I have the voice cringe too. I had to do a live video training session at work and I could watch the view counter as I was presenting. I stopped watching it at 700. That video is then posted to our training site for all the global regions to watch. I was never brave enough to go watch it myself. It would be a great learning tool for me but..nope probably will never happen.

Size 14 isn’t gross. And make up doesn’t stop your skin ‘breathing’. If anything, good make up will provide a filter for your skin from being clogged by fine particulates of pollutants. A photograph is a 2 dimensional view and many of us are not photogenic in this way.

I think you need to consider what other people - your friends and family - find lovely and attractive about you. Then think of yourself in similar terms. Be a friend to yourself - and stop judging her so harshly.

Joules? That must have been shocking!

Wait… was my DH there taking pictures? Honestly that man has never taken a photo of that looks normal. Screw flattering I would be happy with not looking like a troll hanging out under a bridge.

Stop looking at it, stop thinking about it.

Now a totally unsolicited piece of advice. Ignore if I’ve overstepped.

Please come up with a strategy for your wedding photos ahead of time. That could be anything from waiting until you are good and ready to view them, working with your photographer to focus on family and friends for the majority of them, having a trusted family/friend review the proofs instead of you, have a trusted family/friend sort the photos to remove ones you are in for you first viewing, or something else.

Notice that none of my suggestions is to not photograph you.

It’s obvious that photos are a trigger for you, and that’s ok. Since it is, walk into the situation armed with that knowledge and work a strategy to keep you from feeling this way about your happiest day.

Is it normal for women to feel unhappy about the way they look and to obsess about it when they see themselves in photos? Yes, I think it’s pretty normal. I suspect if you asked every single one of the women you know, they would tell you they do likewise. That’s how we’re conditioned. We’re brought up with beauty standards and pressure. Beyond that, you have to work out whether you care about that or not and whether you can, and want, to accept that this is you and just learn to be happy with the way you look now; or whether you want to change it. I have no idea what you actually look like, but that’s irrelevant, because it’s what you want that’s important.