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AIBU?

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Leaving an inheritance to a spending addict; will this work?

87 replies

Newblackdress · 26/06/2025 17:19

It's a 45 year old DD who has been overspending all her life, running up huge debts and constantly appealing to family members to bail her out. She has a good job and earns well but is absolutely irresponsible and not always honest.

Her dad doesn't want to leave her out of his will or to leave more than half his estate to DD's brother in case of bad feeling between them. But doesn't want the money he leaves DD to be instantly disposed of leaving DD middle aged and with nothing but debts.
He'd like to leave a small lump sum to DD without strings and allocate the rest of her share to clear some or all of her debts. The deal would be that DD would present the paperwork to the executors with authorisation to pay them off, and the executors would do so until the money ran out.
If the debts amounted to less than the legacy (unlikely), the remaining money would go to charity. This is to avoid DD claiming that all her debts were paid off in order to get the remaining money (she has form for similar deceptions). And if she isn't willing to make the small effort it would take to present the paperwork in say 3 months, the whole amount would go to charity.
Has anyone tried anything like this?
And can anyone spot a major flaw?

OP posts:
Newblackdress · 26/06/2025 17:37

tipsyraven · 26/06/2025 17:26

I don’t think you can dictate what someone does money you leave them.

I agree, but this wouldn't be exactly 'leaving' her the money. It would be allocating it to pay her debts, and if not used for that, would default to a charity.

OP posts:
Newblackdress · 26/06/2025 17:37

RandomMess · 26/06/2025 17:28

Does she have children?

No, no children, and unlikely to have.

OP posts:
RobinEllacotStrike · 26/06/2025 17:36

at 45 she's middle aged now!

Lafufufu · 26/06/2025 17:34

Ignore the its not fair brigade

Get a solicitor and get a trust in place.
I would do monthly allowance not annual this will ensure she is comfortable into pension years (presumably she has close to zero private pension)

Hankunamatata · 26/06/2025 17:34

A relative put money in trust and put solicitor in charge. Not sure how they tied it up but solicitor pays household expenses and maintenance. They get an allowance

triballeader · 26/06/2025 17:31

Ask a solicitor about a trust fund for her that comes into place at your death and ensure the trustees are people not easily manipulated.
( Had to do this as the executor for my parents will for younger brother as he had a black hole of debt and a bad taste for illegal drugs and booze. trustees I appointed were the solicitors firm)

GasPanic · 26/06/2025 17:30

I am sure it would be possible to have it doled out as a living allowance, say 10k a year or so until it is all exhausted.

Isn't that how some trust funds work ?

It seems a bit weird how on one hand he doesn't want her middle aged and with no money, but on the other is prepared to give money away to charity to stop her getting her hands on it.

RandomMess · 26/06/2025 17:28

Does she have children?

Viviennemary · 26/06/2025 17:27

No I don't think this would work.

Floatingonahope · 26/06/2025 17:27

Spend some of this money helping her with counselling now.

tipsyraven · 26/06/2025 17:26

I don’t think you can dictate what someone does money you leave them.

ninjahamster · 26/06/2025 17:24

i have no idea of the legalities, you would need a solicitor for that.
But it seems wrong to me to put conditions on how she spends the money, If he really believes she cannot be trusted then you need to have a conversation with her and explain what you are planning so it isn’t a shock.