Leaving an inheritance to a spending addict; will this work?

But spending her inheritance badly won't hurt anyone but her, and certainly not the deceased.

It's not healthy really to want to send this type of message from beyond the grave.

If her parents have bailed her out numerous times then how is this squared with your DHs DS? We have always taken pains to treat our DDs the same although luckily they manage their money well and don’t have debt. If DD has already had a large portion of the inheritance surely DS should get a bigger share?

I think your DH should just accept she wont change if she has had therapy previously and resign himself to not controlling what she does with the money after his death or give the money to DS with the excuse she has already had numerous bailouts and maybe a nominal sum going to her. He needs to write a letter explaining though,

@Newblackdress It’s utterly controlling! DH doesn’t approve so he will control her from the grave. It’s rather nasty. Best to let her make her own mistakes. Treat her the same as her brother or you risk upsetting their relationship.

This will only work if she doesn’t know about it in advance, or she’ll see it as a reason to run up debts to the value of half the estate. It’s just bringing forwards the reckless spending (with no guarantee that she won’t just do the same again with no bail out).

Leave nothing, unless you think DS (DD's brother) will be bled dry if you did. From what you say there is not a specific debt that could be paid and nothing else.

The money that might have gone to her were it not for her spending addiction could go to charity, or more distant family members.

Bear in mind I was up against a triple nine intellect that had no common sense.

It did for a couple of years and he hated both it and me for instigating it. When the head of chambers in charge of the trust went away for a couple of weeks R&R he managed to play two trust fund solicitors, who were trustees, against each other to access the main fund and blazed through £300k in three days till the head of chambers came back from holiday and stepped in to prevent him from also remortgaging the trust house he had to live in. At that point I was so glad I had had the common sense to refuse to act as a trustee or handle his affairs.

the £300k binge on drugs and booze finished what brain cells he had left and the head of chambers had him assessed and declared as lacking mental capacity. he died soon after and I left the legal firm to deal with the mess of debts he ran up.

The trust would have worked if his intellect had not been in the very top o.1% of the population. His years of using illegal drugs and booze racked it down to MENSA level merely fiendish and he used that to manipulate and convince the other trustees he could be trusted to manage his own affairs…….I tried.

It is worth speaking to a legal500 solicitors if you have complications such as a child in capable of using money wisely and what legal safeguards could be put in place so they have benefit of trustees managing funds but not direct access to money to run amok with.

it sounds like an addiction has she had counselling or spoken to her GP

I’m coming at this with some experience… My sister is the train wreck in my case. (She was a functioning alcoholic until my mum got sick then proceeded into the unfunctioning variety)

Here’s what happened. My mum left a 50% split of her assets between my sister and me. Sadly she appointed my sister as her executor 🤷‍♀️ She wanted my sister to feel included. (I promise I’ll keep this brief)

Anyway after my sister proceeds to take everything not nailed down and she finally manages to sell the house. Let’s just say for 300K. That was in Dec. Now we’re in June and and My sister has not released my portion of the funds (130K was what she said she’d send 🤔) and has had her house up on a public auction site (this happens when the bank forecloses for non-payment).

She hasn’t worked in 5 years. I’m in the US, so there isn’t anything like UC or any long term benefits that are easy to get. So I’m pretty sure she’s spent my portion which is why she ignored my text in Feb and May.

She’s likely used her portion to enable her to drink and she’s now living off of my portion. She’s unemployable in her profession and area already getting fired from the big companies headquartered there.

If she’s spent my portion (I mean hey maybe she’ll surprise me 🤪) I am more than happy to involve the probate court and police. And she’s a 55 yo woman who has never taken care of herself.

All of the above I told my mum would happen in a blunt conversation when we were discussing her final wishes.

Back to your situation
DD may suddenly find an epiphany and get control of her spending. That would be great. But I’d just approach the will as she’s just not going to change and either accept it or give the money to someone else.

Has she never been declared bankrupt? This is really what needs to happen for the cycle to end.

Can DH talk to her Mum about stopping helping her so that she does go bankrupt.

There is no point paying off her debts or even a monthly allowance that will just service debts.

Everyone, including credit companies of any type need to stop lending her money.

Has she gone to CAP or similar?

Have you ever asked her why she's like this? Has she had therapy?

I don't really think it's ok to try to control the way adults live, it's not going to be an easy message to receive if you leave half to her brother without strings and half to her with rules from beyond the grave.