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AIBU?

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Original poster

Husbands priorities all wrong

62 replies

Exhaustedslave · 26/06/2025 16:50

AIBU not to suck my husbands d*ck more?

This is a long one so I honestly apologise and understand if no one reads it.

I'm at breaking point. I'll give some back story - We did the whole 2 under 2 thing so we have a 10 month old and a 2 year old with 18 months apart. The eldest is in nursery on a Monday and Friday and the youngest is with me all the time. They will both be in nursery 4 days a week come September but that's a really long way off. I've just returned to work from maternity leave. I work for the company that my husband owns with 4 other people as their admin assistant. I wake up with the children between 6-7am, I then parent all day and at 4pm when he finishes work we swap and I work my 8 hours and he does tea with the kids - I take a break to put one of them to bed. He works laying on the sofa, in the living room which means that I sit on the floor with the children all day, trying to keep them quiet and away from him so he can work. He says he does this to help but I find it a hinderence. I don't get a break. Ever. I shower once a week. I brush my teeth when I leave the house and I only get dressed if I absolutely have to because I just can't find the time. If i leave the room ww3 breaks out between the kids and my husband doesn't even notice and if I take them with me upstairs it's a nightmare. We're renovating and there are tools everywhere. Sometime the work I do spills into the days as it needs doing in office hours so I'm trying to parent and work together.
My husband is on at me all the time about the lack of sex we have. I mean, he mentions it everyday. My body hurts from the difficult labours and close together pregnancies. I don't recognise myself in the mirror anymore. My body just isnt mine. It makes me feel like shit that he knows I'm struggling - I told him the other week I haven't felt happiness in about 3 years and I don't want to be here anymore. And yet he's always on about how little affection I show him. Last night he turned around and said that I don't realise how much it hurts him when I refuse to suck him off. To start with I thought he was joking. But he said he doesn't know how to discuss this without sound like an a$$hole. I honeslty couldn't even respond. I'm still so angry. It's like he doesn't even respect me enough to see that I might need a basic human need met before I worry about his other needs!! I even tried to have a shower last night and he got in it with me. I just wanted 5 minutes alone.

At this point I'm contemplating a divorce because I just don't want to hear about it any more. I want just for 1 day for someone to put me first but all he ever thinks about is his d!ck. AIBU not to just get on and do it for the sake of a happy husband?

OP posts:
Original poster
Exhaustedslave · 26/06/2025 17:18

AgnesX · 26/06/2025 17:12

If you have a company with 5 employees why don't you have a proper workplace and failing that he should have his own workspace where you can lock him in.

Are you in a position to farm the kids out to a child minder or nursery?

Your home sounds like a disaster and separating out work from home might help and getting time away from the kids would give you some breathing space.

If none of that is an option then DH needs to get off his arse and get involved and behave like a proper parent. In fact he should be doing that anyway..

They do have an office but it's not great, it's an old farm house they rent off the council (they need the outside space more than the inside space so it works well for that). He just never goes and everyone else who is office based works from home, unless they are on site. We're in the middle of going through planning to extend our garage and build an office at home. Honestly I think I might lock him in it.

The eldest is at nursery 2 days a week at the moment and come September they will both be there 4 days a week (term time) but I cannot afford any more than this - minimum wage doesn't get you very far these days!!
I would love some time away from the children, even just to seperate out work but I just don't get it.

OP posts:
Cherrysoup · 26/06/2025 17:14

Is he taking the fucking piss? When would he like to do some parenting? Does he seriously expect you to give him head when you’re sitting on the floor because he lies on the sofa to work? All day?! Tell him where the door is.

Original poster
Exhaustedslave · 26/06/2025 17:14

Newmum738 · 26/06/2025 17:06

Could you go away for a weekend and just leave him with the kids? Then you would feel calmer and maybe he would have a better idea of what you are going through?

I've got a long weekend away with my mum booked next month. I'm not even joking when I say I will have to remind him to give the kids drinks and what time their naps are. I'm so stressed about it I'm contemplating booking the kids flights to come with me becuase I don't want to come back to 2 dehydrated and starving children.

OP posts:
AgnesX · 26/06/2025 17:12

If you have a company with 5 employees why don't you have a proper workplace and failing that he should have his own workspace where you can lock him in.

Are you in a position to farm the kids out to a child minder or nursery?

Your home sounds like a disaster and separating out work from home might help and getting time away from the kids would give you some breathing space.

If none of that is an option then DH needs to get off his arse and get involved and behave like a proper parent. In fact he should be doing that anyway..

Original poster
Exhaustedslave · 26/06/2025 17:09

UpsideDownChairs · 26/06/2025 17:04

So you're up at 7 (best case scenario), look after the kids (on the floor! WTF) for 9 hours, then work 8 hours until midnight, then do it all over again?

When does he expect this sex or BJ to happen? In the 7 hours of sleep you hope to get between work and getting up again?

What does he do for the hours between kids bedtime and midnight? Does he start work as soon as you get up with the children or does he stay in bed/pootle around until he starts work at 8 or 9?

This sounds like a very unfair distribution of labour TBH - unless he's doing all the housework in that 4 hours between 8pm and midnight, and during the 2-3 hours before he starts work that is.

He starts work as soon as he's up, but he gets up before and has a shower first (so if I wanted a shower before the kids are up we're looking at 5-6am for me to get up). Once they're down he does wash baby bottles and tidy the kitchen but no other housework gets done. He sits on the sofa and watches tv until 10 when he goes to bed.

I think he expects me to pause work and do it before he goes to sleep.

I'm meant to be working now but at least tapping away on my laptop looks like work.

OP posts:
Newmum738 · 26/06/2025 17:06

Could you go away for a weekend and just leave him with the kids? Then you would feel calmer and maybe he would have a better idea of what you are going through?

BeachPossum · 26/06/2025 17:05

Don't just contemplate a divorce OP, do it. There can be no happiness with a man who thinks it's more important that he gets a fucking blow job than that you get to shower or brush your teeth, let alone actually have some quality time to yourself.

UpsideDownChairs · 26/06/2025 17:04

So you're up at 7 (best case scenario), look after the kids (on the floor! WTF) for 9 hours, then work 8 hours until midnight, then do it all over again?

When does he expect this sex or BJ to happen? In the 7 hours of sleep you hope to get between work and getting up again?

What does he do for the hours between kids bedtime and midnight? Does he start work as soon as you get up with the children or does he stay in bed/pootle around until he starts work at 8 or 9?

This sounds like a very unfair distribution of labour TBH - unless he's doing all the housework in that 4 hours between 8pm and midnight, and during the 2-3 hours before he starts work that is.

outerspacepotato · 26/06/2025 17:03

You are on from 6 or 7 am until after midnight with sole child care then 8 hours working for his company. That's a 18 hour workday. That is physically unsustainable.

He works in the main living area and you have to parent around him. I can:t even list how much is wrong here, he doesn't even give you time for necessary daily hygiene.

He sounds fucking useless. You are up for 18 hours, then he wants you to give him oral sex. He knows you're exhausted. He doesn't care. You're his AA, his nanny, his maid, and he wants you to suck his dick after an 18 hour day when you don't even get a fucking daily shower.

I'd be lawyering up.

sweetpickle2 · 26/06/2025 16:57

Yes, divorce him. Then he'll actually be forced to actually co-parent (and he can see how many BJs he gets on his own).

Devilsmommy · 26/06/2025 16:57

Don't you fucking dare do it just for his sake. What a monumental prick! I've only got one child and for a multitude of reasons went off sex. Doing all your doing with 2 under 2, it's no bloody wonder you're shattered. He needs to realise just how fucking done in you are. God knows how you get that across if he hasn't already listened. Sorry he's so shit. Twat!

Balloonhearts · 26/06/2025 16:54

I'd really lose my shit and spell it out to him what a pathetic excuse he is for a husband and tell him to start pulling his weight or fuck off and that the next time he gets his dick out, I'm going to castrate him with a spoon.

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