Husbands priorities all wrong

Actually to be clear I meant a dinner knife, not an actual sharp knife!

If you can just survive till they are at nursery then get a job with a real company then you can fuck him off.
by survive, I mean stand in the living room while’s he’s working and scream, like SCREAM: ‘GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE LIVING ROOM. YOU ARE MAKING MY LIFE HARDER EVERY SINGLE DAY!! GO WORK IN YOUR OFFICE ALONG WITH ALL THE OTHER FUCKERS WHO DOTN VALUE ME EITHER. LOOK IN THE MIRROR ON THE WAY OUT AND THINK WHAT KIND IF SPINELESS FUCKER CANT SUPPORT HIS OWN WIFE TO HAVE A VERY FUCKING DESERVED PAY RISE IN HIS OWN COMPANY??
unplug the tv. When he gets home, take his phone. Tell him to do an hours active parenting for the first time in his fucking life, and if he doesn’t you’ll take a hammer to his phone. Take a kitchen knife into the shower and tell him if he opens the door you’ll stab him.

this all seems completely reasonable to me. I wouldn’t message him anything that he might be able to use against you. You’re not crazy, you’re just stuck with a very very shitty fucking excuse for a man. Like I said, once the children are in nursery, get a job in a real company. Do no handover on your job and leave.

You do need to leave.

Your MH must be shot and physically you can't carry on like this...you need physical space to live properly and you must be so tired.

Usually with setups like this the wife is a shareholder and also gets dividends.

It sounds like financial and emotional abuse. You are tied to your oh for work and also not an equal share of bills (especially childcare).

Are the shareholding not equal? Three out of four should have been able to overrule the other on salary. Do you know oh is being honest about this?

One other thing I noticed: you said “it’s difficult on minimum wage”, but presumably he isn’t on minimum wage? Childcare is a JOINT expense, not just one that should come out of the mother’s salary.

I would tell him you're taking a shower everyday before you start work, just the same as he does. He needs to stop working in the living room if he's getting in the way and creating more work for you. Getting washed and dressed everyday even if you're not leaving the house will help you start to feel a bit more human. These should be easy fixes to begin with and if he pushes back once it's spelled out to him, then I don't think you can make the relationship work long term.

It sounds like he wants you to keep on doing everything you were for the house and kids when you were on mat leave and go back to work fulltime? He needs to understand that's not sustainable.

You earn less than minimum wage right now anyways by the sounds of it by all the hours you are doing round the clock.
Your kids are hopefully going to childcare 4 days a week from September mostly funded by the funded hours?
I would 100% try to get a job that works around nursery hours and then stop working for his company and separate this part of your life. Let them find someone else to underpay and underappreciate (they won't!)

Me and DH used to have a similar split working day with two young children, except the first "shift" was from 7-2, and the second shift was 2-10. That meant that the one doing the 2nd shift actually was doing some parenting, had to cook dinner and do bedtime etc. so it was more or less 50:50. What you're doing isn't a fair division. Also, you need to be firmer that he NEEDS to work upstairs in a closed bedroom or office. It will be much easier once they're both in school/nursery, but then again, there is little sexier than a man begging for sex and not caring about you as a person...

Tell him he must go down on your first (one of the days you haven’t showered for days) and then you’ll think about it

He pays you minimum wage!!!

And wants his dick sucked on your lunchtime?

Grim

So you spend 9-10 hours looking after his infants then 8hours working for his business. You dont have time for basic hygiene and he thinks you should use the lunch hour he generously pays for to suck his cock as well?

Tell him next week youre swapping, for a week he can get up at 6 with the kids and youll get yourself clean, work 8am-4pm and take over the kids then. He can start work at 4pm and see how keen he is to go down on you at 10pm in the only half hour he gets to himself all day. He might learn something

1. This is madness up at 6am with kids. 8hr work day starts at 4pm so youve 12pm to 6am to sleep? Like when do you poo? Jesus thats not sustainable

1. He needs to realise foreplay starts at breakfast. Its hard to feel sexy if youre overtired, overworked and under appreciated. Tell him what you need, don't be shy. If he can say id like more blow jobs you can say I want a 20hr week do 4-9 4 days while he watches his kids (and cooks tea, and does bath time, and does bed time, and put a wash on) does he even have the good grace to do the wake ups at night?

1. I think you either need to work A LOT less or he needs to pay for some childcare so you can work reasonable hours

1. And honestly, personally I cant tell you how unfucking sexy a grown man whining for sex is, when he is asking his spouse to do an 18hr day. He should be soo embarrassed

This is completely outrageous OP.

First step to a better life is a new job, that’s whether you stay with husband or leave him. Both ways you need a new job.

This sounds like the worst parenting / job schedule ever!! There must be a better way to do this - childcare?!

This makes me so mad! It sounds like he offers you very little support, and absolutely NO affection without sex attached. I’m sure it’s not uncommon in families with toddlers as it’s so exhausting.

his working arrangement is ridiculous. A desk in a bedroom would be better than him being in the middle of everything all day.

Can you tell your family how exhausted you are and ask to go and stay with them with dc and tell your husband the work on the house needs to be finished before you come back.

Can family then help with childcare for few weeks while you work in day (or look for new job).

I’d also put various work and childcare scenarios through a benefits calculator and work out what life as a single parent would mean financially.

Once you have had a proper rest and time to think you can decide if you miss him / he brings anything positive to your life.
I found there was no way back to finding exH attractive once the resentment had set in. He also expected me to do far too much (while he did very little).

I enjoy being a single parent it’s physically hard work but mentally a walk in the park compared to being married to a selfish man.

its ok to ask for help. I’m sure your mum would be horrified to know you don’t even get a daily shower. You don’t need to tell them all the awful details just come up with a story about renovations, needing a break etc

Book yourself off sick and go away for a week. Leave him and the company to manage. Suggest they look at recruiting someone in your role.

Tell your husband that you’ve decided that the current set up isn’t working. From now on, you will work in the day while he manages the dc. He can do his shift when they are in bed.

Tell him he has one week to sort things out or you will leave him and his useless fecking company to sink or swim on their own, while you get a better job.

Find your rage.

You parent all day, then do an eight hour shift and he then expects you to feel horny???!!!???

Give me your address, and I’ll come round and bite his dick off. That should shut him up 😤

I think you have to start by breaking his total domination of your day and time. Look for a minimum wage job during the day. As they don’t oay you more they can’t complain. Reduce your household contribution and pay only for nursery for the children. Just go out to work fearlessly.

They will either offer you more money or they won’t. If they don’t you are no worse off. If they do: refuse to go back on the noghttime schedule. Make rational, daytime, office hours your goal. Stop doing everything for everyone all at once

I haven't read the full thread but all I can offer is..... don't you dare take the kids with you on your break at your Mum's.

No one. They put their own data in and booked their own plant but all of the other stuff I either did during my 1 kit day a month or am now catching up on.

I found this really difficult reading. Others have given good practical advice re working on plans to divorce. You could suggest couples counselling and an ultimatum but I’m not sure, from reading this post, that that would work. At best he sounds selfish, at worst he sounds abusive.

I’m sorry op, but I wouldn’t wish your life on my worst enemy.

you must do whatever you can to leave, because this is miserable.

for your kids sake, because they need a mum who isn’t miserable, exhausted and disrespected

So you're up at 6/7am and on the go until midnight?

He's a prick. Divorce might bring you a bit of peace. I'd lose my shit with him as well.