WYB miffed? Dd in hospital and dh fucked off to Glastonbury?

good fathers do a lot to parent and help DC experiencing health issues.

Is your son old enough to look after himself if you stay in hospital with your daughter, op?
I think yanbu either way, but just wondering how bad your husband actually is?

I don’t think people can get into Glasto without tickets these days, so if he has gone I’m sure he will be home sooner than you think.
And yes, he’s a massive bellend.

You told him go if you want

You shouldn't have said something you didn't mean

My H has an empathy gap and/or its default setting is "off." I'm sorry, OP. You have had a tough time recently and if you were with a partner with an ounce of empathy they would obviously have stayed to support you through this tough time, even if they couldn't help your DD directly.

But he shouldn’t have even asked. What type of parent goes oh my child’s very sick but I’ll just go and try and bounce my way into an event I don’t even have tickets for.

This isn’t work or another relative that’s sick. The question of do you think I should go or not. Should not of even entered his head.

same type of man that helps his wife around the house only if she tells him exactly what to do as his blind to rubbish and washing up.

Bloody hell. Also - how old is your DS? Because if you had had to stay with DD, and he really has f**d off to Glasto, what was your DS supposed to do?

This is idiocy. I have a friend who works at Glasto every year. They really do come down on those trying to blag or bribe their way in, as there are strict numbers limits, for lots if reasons. I’m not saying it doesn’t happen, but that there will be consequences if they are caught out - and those could have wider repercussions.

If he has gone, you need to have a real discussion around your life when he comes back. It really doesn’t make him a good father if he’s buggering off on a jolly with one DC really poorly and leaving another to cope while you split your time between home & the hospital.

You’ve married a child. At best a teen. 👶

But him being at home would make a difference to OP, especially since they have another child at home. If DD does need to go back to hospital, it would be nice for OP to be able to ask him to bring any stuff they need, and to look after their DS.

OP, I do wonder whether he has (deliberately or otherwise) missed the tone when you said that he can still go to Glastonbury if he wants, and Maybe thinks you genuinely meant it? That’s the only thing I can think of that would make his behaviour even vaguely less bad.

Very sorry about your DC being so unwell.

Surely this must be the final straw?

Seems like he was shit partner and father, under threat of you leaving him made an effort for a time, but won’t sustain it. Not there for you a lot of the time, including when the chips are down.

I completely understand how upsetting it is that he has gone and I am so sorry for what you are all going through with your DD being so ill. I do agree with @TheignT that he might have taken what you said as that you really didn’t mind. I think the fact that he rarely does other things and he hasn’t seen this friend for a while probably made him feel he should go. It is strange that he hasn’t just told you. I hope your DD turns a corner soon. ED are so hard.

Was just about to say this

My daughter and brother are autistic and two of the most empathetic and sensitive people I've ever met. I really hate the trope of excusing selfishness with autism.

Many autistic people (and you ofc mean 'high functioning in this case rather than severe non verbal autism) are actually over sensitive to how other people feel

If my DH did that our marriage would be over. No one who loves me and our children would fuvk off to a festival (ticket or not) and leave me juggling one child in hospital and one at home. Especially without so much as telling me. How could I ever rely on him to have my back?

I don’t think it’s fair to equate unempathetic and selfish with autistic though - plenty of neurotypical people have those traits and I have autistic family members who are very caring, empathetic and selfless. If you have other reasons to think he’s autistic though then I’d not respond to him in “jokey” ways, I’d straight up tell him that going to a festival in this situation isn’t appropriate.

So you told him to go - and he went. Sorry but what did you expect?

Presumably hes busy - negotiating with some touts.

I'd imagine the way people got in though fences 40 years ago has been stopped now.

On top of everything the line up is awful this year too! The guys off his rocker....but you probably ought to have encouraged him to see sense when he made the comment about not going. You weren't in the wrong but, knowing him, you probably knew this was likely to happen.

I came on to say YANBU at all but now I double and triple that.
I was away with work when DS was admitted to hospital (and it was a physical illness, he was very much out of it so didn't realise I wasn't around). I looked at flights but wouldn't have got home before DS was discharged, and spent half a day frantically ringing my DM who bless her heart came and sorted out DD.
I still feel bad for DH coping on his own - your DH is an arse.

I would be a little more wary of believing your son if you say he is not generally reliable with passing on messages. I would definitely contact your husband and ask him.

Sounds like his pretty checked out.

Also it’s not even like he has tickets to the event so it’s a well you won’t be much help don’t want to waste the tickets. His gone on a hope I can bribe my way in like a teenager not a middle aged man with children and a wife. How very unattractive.

God I’d be upset st the lack of thinking. I’m autistic and would never do something like that.

I'd be so worried about my daughter in this case that I'd really struggle to forgive my husband for not supporting us.